tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post114433202687680013..comments2023-11-03T04:17:39.459-04:00Comments on The Truth About Cocks and Dolls: Do you remember the first time?Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-1144517930430564552006-04-08T13:38:00.000-04:002006-04-08T13:38:00.000-04:00Betty,Amen, sister. If you can go a year wihtout ...Betty,<BR/>Amen, sister. If you can go a year wihtout slipping up, I'm sure I can, too. You're right, you end up on so many go-nowhere first dates. There has to be a better way!Dollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01234333432020422776noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-1144442284720012912006-04-07T16:38:00.000-04:002006-04-07T16:38:00.000-04:00Ween yourself from the dating teat Dolly...Online ...Ween yourself from the dating teat Dolly...Online Daters Anonymous could be the next 12 step program! <BR/><BR/>I gave it up about a year ago. I felt exactly the same about it. Most guys use online dating sites as a catalog for sex. They don't read your profile. They troll the waters by photograph and pick girls that way. In short, they chum the waters with hopes of getting a bite. When they do, they'll do a little reading up on you. but really...they just want to get in your knickers. Lots of first dates but that's as far as they ever go.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-1144438333306465622006-04-07T15:32:00.000-04:002006-04-07T15:32:00.000-04:00Pookalu,You're right, we should focus on Bill Murr...Pookalu,<BR/>You're right, we should focus on Bill Murray and his incredible ability to make stuffing and entire donut into his mouth gross, funny, and oddly endearing.<BR/><BR/>Sam,<BR/>Words fail me.<BR/><BR/>Downtown,<BR/>Have you no faith in me? When I go back? I never want to go back. I want to resist the lure of of the post-hiatus fresh profiles once and for all.Dollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01234333432020422776noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-1144435643586705182006-04-07T14:47:00.000-04:002006-04-07T14:47:00.000-04:00You know what's great about taking a break from on...You know what's great about taking a break from online dating? When you go back there will be so many new potentials, new recruits who just signed on, or are coming back to it. <BR/><BR/>There will never be a shortage of guys to meet online. (That said, there will always be a shortage of QUALITY men online.)Downtownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10741714772467213306noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-1144417056903058872006-04-07T09:37:00.000-04:002006-04-07T09:37:00.000-04:00Stranger,I was laughing about your comment all aft...Stranger,<BR/>I was laughing about your comment all afternoon yesterday.<BR/><BR/>NotCarrie,<BR/>Thanks!<BR/><BR/>NotMiranda,<BR/>Maybe you could join our I Hate Dating club. Or we could start a separate I Hate Online Dating club.<BR/><BR/>Stretch,<BR/>Believe me, I'm not limiting myself. After a huge number of dates with guys I met online (we're probably talking high double digits here), I can honestly say it's not a way I want to spend my time again. The filtering process takes way too long and I'd rather meet someone face to face than try to determine initial chemistry over the internet. Besides, I spend enough time online as it is, and this way I'll leave the house and engage with the real world more. Sounds like the opposite of limiting myself to me...<BR/><BR/>Stretch,<BR/>Saying yes to both requires a time commitment I don't want to give. And I've had way too many false positives and inconsequential encounters to believe it's something that will add any further benefit to my life. Besides, I'm too busy and focused on other things right now to date at the pace I used to.<BR/><BR/>N,<BR/>Yeah, Stranger had me going, too. Oh, and to clarify, I'm not jaded. It's not that I believe there is no one out there for me, it's that I think I've been spending too much of my time looking, and in the wrong places. Some quality Dolly time will do me good.<BR/><BR/>Serendipity,<BR/>The thing about the checklist mentality is so true. I'm trying to pare mine down. And yes, bickering with someone can result in great chemistry! I love that kind of passionate banter.<BR/><BR/>Jo,<BR/>I've seen the online thing work out for lots of people, too. I just have a strong gut feeling I'm not going to be one of them, so it's time to log off.<BR/><BR/>Coasta,<BR/>You're right, it's about learning. I have learned sooooo much over the course of dozens of dates. The thing I've learned overall, however, is how much the itnernet sucks as a tool to find a romantic partner. I hear you on the bar thing, too. Dates that are less alcohol-centric would probably do me good. However, I hate to shop and I love to drink, so my favorite dates usually involve bars. Of course, if a guy suggested something like having a picnic in the park, I would totally swoon (and offer to bring a bottle of wine!).Dollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01234333432020422776noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-1144413113455708552006-04-07T08:31:00.000-04:002006-04-07T08:31:00.000-04:00YAY! to whatever choice you make, because, obviou...YAY! to whatever choice you make, because, obviously, it has to be one you feel most comfortable making. <BR/><BR/>i have no opinion on andie macdowell. ok, i do, but it's not all pleasant. let's focus, instead, on bill murray, and how much we love him, especially in groundhog day.pookaluhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17647584778392550880noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-1144393038250600152006-04-07T02:57:00.000-04:002006-04-07T02:57:00.000-04:00>Give or take a couple of failed relationships/fli...>Give or take a couple of failed relationships/flings, it's been a repeated scenario with no progress, like Groundhog Day minus Andie MacDowell's wooden acting. <BR/><BR/>It's not just about 'making progress'. It's about learning. You seem to have learned quite a bit about yourself along the way. <BR/><BR/>Ya know, one of the things I've noticed about your dates is that they are always meet ups at bars. Why don't you try something different? Go shopping together...mess around some cool stores...walk in central park....play frisbee...explore a different part of the city...look for books together...whatever. Have a mini adventure. Get away from the interview-bar format. Just a suggestion.coastahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10074652090557322506noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-1144389346151775962006-04-07T01:55:00.000-04:002006-04-07T01:55:00.000-04:00i haven't tried online dating and while i'm not ex...i haven't tried online dating and while i'm not exactly ruling it out ('coz i know a friend who had a long distance online relationship and wound up marrying the guy, i'm not exactly jumping into it with my eyes closed either. i say just go with whatever you're comfortable with.johttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16046420719365885236noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-1144381562080864562006-04-06T23:46:00.000-04:002006-04-06T23:46:00.000-04:00I was reading an article recently in which some re...I was reading an article recently in which some research appeared to show that online dating tends to promote a 'checklist' mentality, where we choose people based on a wishlist of criteria. Ironically, the result tends to be a much longer period between relationships.<BR/><BR/> I can see why. I think the real connections we make don't work that way. If we think about the people we've actually been in relationships with, do they match those criteria that we think we really want?<BR/><BR/> I'm currently getting to know a chick I met in the online forums of a local dating site. What opened up the bounds of possibility was not a selection criteria for either of us, but the fact that we fought like cat and dog.<BR/><BR/> That's always a good sign as far as I'm concerned. Whenever I conflict with a woman, there's passion and passion is hot.<BR/><BR/> I have no illusions but it strikes me as slightly more natural than simply checking out a picture and a profile, then writing a vapid email designed to stand out from the crowd.<BR/><BR/> I suspect we're all just learning more about ourselves and other people. Your choice may be a lifelong one or it may just be a phase. Either way, I'm curious to see what kind of a difference it makes.Serendipityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05780638085621990496noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-1144363352444455782006-04-06T18:42:00.000-04:002006-04-06T18:42:00.000-04:00LOL at stranger's post... for a second I was worri...LOL at stranger's post... for a second I was worried things were getting all confrontational again.<BR/><BR/>Dolly: realising you're jaded and changing your outlook is so sensible I can't believe more people don't try it! :)Nhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07113158768033082597noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-1144360323126939432006-04-06T17:52:00.000-04:002006-04-06T17:52:00.000-04:00The difference between meeting people online vs. i...The difference between meeting people online vs. in person is that the internet results in a large number of false positives: when you get to "pick" the type of guy you think you would like from the provervial smorgasbord seemingly available online, you are more likely to think you have found "the one." In contrast, meeting a guy in a bar or on a streetcorner is more likely to result in a false negative. Because of the large number of guys who are probably hitting on you, you are less likely to take the time to find out something about him that you would find intriguing. One really isn't any better than the other. I say "Say Yes!" to both.Jim Dayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11109822854814859552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-1144359097417442932006-04-06T17:31:00.000-04:002006-04-06T17:31:00.000-04:00I'd say real ironic...Alanis Morissette ironic is ...I'd say real ironic...Alanis Morissette ironic is taking your profile down the day before your "soulmate" (or at least a really cool guy you would enjoy meeting and spending time with) finds it. ("like meeting the man of your dreams...and his beautiful wife")<BR/><BR/>The percentage of guys you find online just looking to hook up really isn't any different than the percentage you will find anywhere else, because so many young singles are online nowadays. Sam Fisher is onto something with "Fisher's hypothesis." I think there really are a decent number of people on websites like Fster and Mspace (ok, mostly women, but a few men, too--just like real life) hoping to find a "soulmate" online. Which is why these internet-inspired encounters have such a high failure rate. <BR/><BR/>As you described, Dolly, many women and men sign up for these services hoping they can order a partner the same way they can order a Whopper with Cheese...sesame seed bun, hold the pickle, extra ketchup. But even in online relationships you usually can't "have it your way." <BR/><BR/>The guy you end up meeting WILL be different in many ways than the way you built him up in your mind through witty banter over email, IM, and the phone (so will the girl). Removed from your initially safe online world and facing each other in real life WILL be at least a bit awkward at first. And because of the expectations and hopes you had built up around this person, you WILL be disappointed when that happens. It all goes back to the expectations theory mentioned in Unhooked Generation....two weeks ago I was thrilled to get the chance to simply jump rope outdoors with a group of kids I walked past, because the experience was totally unexpected and spontaneous. But my date that night with someone I met online left me feeling rather neutral, even though I probably would have been thrilled to have met that person by pure coincidence.<BR/><BR/>So I guess there are two ways of dealing with this "problem," if you want to call it that. One is to stick to the unexpected surprises and let fate take its course, sans cyber-intervention. You might feel better because of the increase in jump-rope-like experiences, but the people you meet will be less likely to share your interests and more likely to posess traits you would consider "disqualifiers." Or you can use the internet to meet people you are more likely to have something in common with, but lose the excitement that comes with the chance encounter and deal with the fact that these encounters might therefore be less likely to develop into relationships over time. <BR/><BR/>In reality, this is a false choice. The two aren't mutually exclusive. The third "option" is just to see the online world as another resource at your disposal and accept it for what it is, perhaps trying to have the same frame of mind with the people you meet online with those you meet in chance encounters. Why limit yourself?Jim Dayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11109822854814859552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-1144352002955707552006-04-06T15:33:00.000-04:002006-04-06T15:33:00.000-04:00I'm right there with you, Dolly. I just know in m...I'm right there with you, Dolly. I just know in my gut that online dating just isn't for me.NotMirandahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04452421410110231291noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-1144351974014888602006-04-06T15:32:00.000-04:002006-04-06T15:32:00.000-04:00Good luck in the 3-D (4 or 11, too).Good luck in the 3-D (4 or 11, too).NotCarriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08141505246848580782noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-1144351069693414202006-04-06T15:17:00.000-04:002006-04-06T15:17:00.000-04:00Sarah,I've tried to take this step many a time. H...Sarah,<BR/>I've tried to take this step many a time. Here's hoping this time it sticks.<BR/><BR/>Sam,<BR/>You forgot about the disproportionate group of people on there who are on the rebound and/or looking to get laid. Those far outnumber the soul mate/marriage seekers.Dollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01234333432020422776noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-1144347641082757622006-04-06T14:20:00.000-04:002006-04-06T14:20:00.000-04:00Oooh, wow. That's quite a step -- good luck!Oooh, wow. That's quite a step -- good luck!Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06929841385341392093noreply@blogger.com