tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post1327873450347796213..comments2023-11-03T04:17:39.459-04:00Comments on The Truth About Cocks and Dolls: it's simple, except when it isn'tUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-72645845757198037532007-04-25T00:30:00.000-04:002007-04-25T00:30:00.000-04:00"Oh, what-eva. He seriously guilted you even thoug..."Oh, what-eva. He seriously guilted you even though he wasn't offering any kind of commitment? You should be sitting around waiting at home just because he (says he) is? You did nothing wrong and you shouldn't feel as though you did anything wrong. What you did was logical and healthy!"<BR/><BR/>I totally agree with this.<BR/><BR/>However, as a general rule, NEVER tell men about other people you are dating. They do NOT take it well.Who Knows?https://www.blogger.com/profile/04150314452332319169noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-57445703925384962132007-04-24T22:15:00.000-04:002007-04-24T22:15:00.000-04:00Flash, you give great advice for a married man!=pFlash, <BR/>you give great advice for a married man!<BR/>=pRazzleDazzlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05003484022801336526noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-65890924806568015652007-04-24T20:18:00.000-04:002007-04-24T20:18:00.000-04:00Actually though, Dolly, I have to give you much cr...Actually though, Dolly, I have to give you much credit for expressing these thoughts here, especially knowing that they guy you like is probably reading it. While I agree that your revealing this much of yourself this early on probably isn't helping your cause romantically (but who knows?), I think most of us can see parts of ourselves in what you are going through. As a man, it is encouraging / comforting to see that women go through many of the same things / thoughts we do when we have found someone we really like.Jim Dayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11109822854814859552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-83782668352647593102007-04-24T19:59:00.000-04:002007-04-24T19:59:00.000-04:00Well, lots of great comments above here. I want ...Well, lots of great comments above here. I want to add my support and tell you that I hope you find your way to some clarity and calm soon. <BR/><BR/>FWIW, my heart just broke when I read "Through the chaos and uncertainty, there is the kind of passion that I live for." You keep saying that you are full of wonderful 'passion' for these really inadequate men. After film felix and barman ben and BT, isn't it time to start to wonder if this 'passion' is really what you live for? Is it really Passion at all?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-38996702805361707362007-04-24T15:56:00.000-04:002007-04-24T15:56:00.000-04:00you sound very paranoid and insecure and drammatic...you sound very paranoid and insecure and drammatic. <BR/><BR/>for crying outloud, it's just dating. try to enjoy and have fun. all this crying and drammatic conversations would only drive sane men away. <BR/><BR/>99% of guys avoid drama at all costs. <BR/><BR/>act sane, happy, and, secure. and be fun to be around. you'll attract the right kind of guys taht way.365atbwhhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13469225518445241969noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-81254673140730329252007-04-24T15:31:00.000-04:002007-04-24T15:31:00.000-04:00Dolly,Love your writing and love your honesty, but...Dolly,<BR/><BR/>Love your writing and love your honesty, but now for some advice from a married guy:<BR/><BR/>1. Don't take advice from anyone who's married.<BR/><BR/>2. Bartenders don't pull as much tail as they would lead you to believe.<BR/><BR/>3. Don't reveal so much about yourself and your feelings so early in the relationship cycle. You are such an open book that all of the guy's issues are multiplied by your issues and then all of the sudden you have an exponential amount of issues. Plus, keeping some cards face down will add a pleasant level of mystique to the relationship. You don't have to lie, you just don't have to reveal everything. You seem to start off your relationships in a deep hole of expectations, dependencies, and definitions. Then you spend the first six months trying to claw your way out of the hole. The first 6 months should only be fun and discovery. Don't be so quick to turn over your cards. Don't admit that you are ga ga. Don't put it in his face that you are dating. Resist the temptation to define things too early. It creates unnecessary baggage.<BR/><BR/>I don't mean to preach, but I want to see you happy. Although, once you are happy, your blog will likely suck.Flashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04101031119715297345noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-24196848574398715812007-04-24T11:11:00.000-04:002007-04-24T11:11:00.000-04:00I think they both thrive on drama....but so did Si...I think they both thrive on drama....but so did Sinatra and Ava Gardner. These two sound like mirror images of one another, which usually means the relationship can go in one of a few directions: really well, really bad, or a tumultuous combination of both of the above until it finally gets to be too much for both of them. At least it won't be boring. Sweet sorrow indeed.Jim Dayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11109822854814859552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-7130205597567843042007-04-24T09:06:00.000-04:002007-04-24T09:06:00.000-04:00Oh, what-eva. He seriously guilted you even thoug...Oh, what-eva. He seriously guilted you even though he wasn't offering any kind of commitment? You should be sitting around waiting at home just because he (says he) is? You did nothing wrong and you shouldn't feel as though you did anything wrong. What you did was logical and healthy!<BR/><BR/>Honestly, I think you should be dating MORE. This thing sounds like a big roller coaster and you need a break. Ride some other rides for a while. I know you want him, but it just sounds like a lot of drama for a new relationship. You should be happy, not tortured. He's being manipulative, or immature, or both.Auntie Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12930252500589282568noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-75660518777695566392007-04-24T07:38:00.000-04:002007-04-24T07:38:00.000-04:00I haven't been able to comment on your blog for a ...I haven't been able to comment on your blog for a while. Couldn't sign in for some reason. <BR/><BR/>I know you'd like to think BT doesn't play the game, but his 'cut through the bullshit' method is actually pretty solid game. He really works the whole 'sexual/ relationship barriers' aspect between you two. <BR/><BR/>He also is good with the push/pull emotional ping pong. Creates emotional drama. Very direct as well.<BR/><BR/>There's no need to feel guilty for 2 platonic internet dates, even if BT wants you to. Remember what you learned from last years 'down' period: you've got to take care of yourself first, above anything or anyone else.coastahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10074652090557322506noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-79698133555926964792007-04-23T20:34:00.000-04:002007-04-23T20:34:00.000-04:00honestly haven't you known each other for like a c...honestly haven't you known each other for like a couple of weeks? based on your writing there was no real relationship- he said he didn't want it didn't he? and of course it is exhilirating,you've just started seeing each other; that's how it is...I think you should watch out for yourself- trust cannot be gone if you guys weren't a solid item to begin with- just my .02.Losing my Mindhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05063796581779729059noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-79965476105628457862007-04-23T19:59:00.000-04:002007-04-23T19:59:00.000-04:00I agree with most of the previous comments. But ju...I agree with most of the previous comments. <BR/><BR/>But just one thing, you sent BT the URL to your blog. I'm wondering if he's reading everyone's comments. Might not be such a bad thing.Leighhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09192089096968270455noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-86833886048462060472007-04-23T18:47:00.000-04:002007-04-23T18:47:00.000-04:00Maybe this weekend was needed to put the perspecti...Maybe this weekend was needed to put the perspective at hand for both you and BT. You know you want him and only him, and from what he's told you of not seeing anyone else, he also wants you and only you.<BR/><BR/>You took the first step on trying to settle the situation. Now, talk to him about it. Let him know how you feel. I'm sure he's going to feel the same way about it all.<BR/><BR/>After all, nothing even happened on those dates anyway.Elleganthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00250819333664815952noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-84367654315619168412007-04-23T18:23:00.000-04:002007-04-23T18:23:00.000-04:00I don't know, you said that the beginning should b...I don't know, you said that the beginning should be fun but crying and fighting doesn't sound like fun. I may be off on the dates as I've only been reading this blog for a little while but this seems like an awful lot of emotion for someone you've known for a month or so.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07375971675186304151noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-2606114985207912132007-04-23T16:21:00.000-04:002007-04-23T16:21:00.000-04:00"Ultimately, after everything that has happened, d..."Ultimately, after everything that has happened, despite trying to keep my emotions in check, I want BT. Nobody else. It's that complicated and it's that simple."<BR/><BR/>OK, well I know this. <BR/><BR/>And so does everyone who reads this blog.<BR/><BR/>Does BT know this?Who Knows?https://www.blogger.com/profile/04150314452332319169noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-366928957799625282007-04-23T15:41:00.000-04:002007-04-23T15:41:00.000-04:00Yeah, I agree with everyone else here -- if he's n...Yeah, I agree with everyone else here -- if he's not stepping up to the plate with boyfriend behavior, then he can't expect you to be sitting at home, waiting for him to call.<BR/><BR/>Reminds me too much of Smitten. Yuck. That can't be good, as we all know how that ended....Pretty Pollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02966980200662766331noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-78476493771241662202007-04-23T15:32:00.000-04:002007-04-23T15:32:00.000-04:00Pretty good advice from the people below.Let's see...Pretty good advice from the people below.<BR/><BR/>Let's see... what do I have to add... well, I think BT needs to realize that finding someone with whom he has chemistry and genuine feelings for is rare. He can hook-up with any chick at the bar, but at the end of the day, finding someone you really like and someone who really likes you back is pretty much a fucking miracle.<BR/><BR/>He says he has all these "personal issues" that are inhibiting him from moving forward... There is NEVER going to be the perfect time for a relationship... never. We always think we should reach some crazy nirvana state before getting into a relationship... but really, we're going to be falling apart and having "personal issues" our entire lives.<BR/><BR/>Why can't he just find solace in the lovely Dolly? <BR/><BR/>Why can't two people who care about each other just be together???! I don't get it. It does seem so simple... yet WE - WE make it complicated. Can't he just uncomplicate things?!??!<BR/><BR/>Ah... stream of consciousness here (this entire comment, oops!), sorry... why can't BT just say, "I like you - you like me... let's give this a try." End of story. Grrr.<BR/><BR/>Lastly (as if this weren't long enough), he can be bummed that you went on dates, but you owed him nothing... there was no committment; therefore, no betrayal of trust... and he just needs to realize that you going on those dates was really because you liked him so much... because you didn't want to have all your eggs in one basket - like you said, it was a self-preservation action... nothing deceitful about it. <BR/><BR/>Frankly, I was stunned that he said he "lost trust in you". You broke no committment... told no lies. In fact, I completely get why you did it... when I start falling for some dude and freak out, I start calling all my past dudes, flings, whatever I can do to distract myself... obtain some sort of balance of emotion, hahaha. It never really works though.<BR/><BR/>Anyway, I'm sorry Dolly. Wish I could make everything better.MissCurioushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00396851215204705128noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-25486839284567965882007-04-23T13:34:00.000-04:002007-04-23T13:34:00.000-04:00You have nothing to apologise for. I think he just...You have nothing to apologise for. I think he just likes feeling wanted but yet put you on a leash. The whole thing sounds dramatic! Maybe he thrives for the drama..RazzleDazzlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05003484022801336526noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20530625.post-89277217879709397302007-04-23T13:00:00.000-04:002007-04-23T13:00:00.000-04:00honestly, here's my opinion: he said he didn't wan...honestly, here's my opinion: he said he didn't want to be or felt he should be dating. in general that's a pretty definitive "we are not in a relationship" type statement to make. <BR/><BR/>if one is not saying "yay we are all committed and lovey dovey" then it's not fair to expect you to sit at home all night waiting for an errant text message or email. i mean, seriously, when i first met mr. clarissa (for those not in know, mr clarissa is my husband) we had quite a few weeks where things were not defined, and i still went on dates with other people (and yes those dates sucked because they were not with mr clarissa since i couldn't get him out of my mind), and he knew that after the fact and while he wasn't totally psyched about it, he also knew that we had set absolutely no boundaries. <BR/><BR/>i think we've been spoiled by john hughes movies to expect that the instant there is some sort of emotional connection that means instant monogamy, but that's really not fair since we don't all operate the same way. <BR/><BR/>it sounds as if he wasn't being communicative on the points that either a) he wanted exclusivity or b) this not dating you was a really short temporary thing. <BR/><BR/> i can see him being hurt you went on two dates since it is a blow to the ego you weren't sitting around waiting for him (which it seems like what he wanted since he was so hurt you were getting on with your life while he was placing you in relationship limbo), but in the same vein, he shouldn't expect you to do all the work to figure out where things stand or make the initiative to find out what he wanted from you.<BR/><BR/> you shouldn't have to go to him and say "is it ok for me to do things while you figure out if you even want to date me or what?"<BR/><BR/>he also shouldn't hold it against you that you went to work today...work is important.Bridgethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16721032881251569586noreply@blogger.com