Thursday, December 21, 2006

new me

Well I see that the world is upside-down
Seems that my pockets were filled up with gold
And now the clouds, well they've covered over
And the wind is blowing cold
Well I don't need anybody, because I learned, I learned to be alone
Well I said anywhere, anywhere, anywhere I lay my head, boys
Well I gonna call my home

~Tom Waits

We interrupt this moping to bring you a special bulletin:

Alright, I've had it. The other day, it dawned on me that I have been depressed for three months now. Three months! Lame lame lame. I have astounded myself with these lows, and have come close to giving up time and time again. That's just not right. It's time for me to do something about it. Enough crying, enough letting things happen, enough feeling sorry about it all, enough drifting. It's time to do some steering.

Since endorphins have been a great source of sanity, I'm going to kick up the diet and fitness regime a notch. I'll get more pro-active with the job/career options. It life gets too monotonous, I'll look into volunteering somewhere. And If the depression doesn't let up in the next month, I may even see a counselor.

I always love a good comeback, and there's no reason why this time it can't be me. Tabula rasa and all that. I'm going to work on Dolly 2.0, and the new model is going to rock.


Anonymous said...

Sounds Good!

Can't wait until DOlly 2.0.

Good luck!!!!!

Anonymous said...

You need a montage. Rocky style...

Oppi said...


Be happy.

G M said...

good girl, have fun! :)

Anonymous said...

Good for you! The end/beginning of the year really lends itself to assessment and setting off in new directions.

If you're at all nerdy like me, I will tell you not to underestimate the power of listmaking when doing the life overhaul. It helps keep from feeling overwhelmed and see progress and break things into managable tasks. Like the song "Little Acorns" says, "Take all your problems and rip 'em apart." Be like the squirrel, girl.

Anonymous said...

Good for you. And having Tom Waits on your side never hurt, etiher.


Eric a.k.a. Disco said...

Hey! Is it possible you have S.A.D., seasonal affective disorder? I only recently realized I was getting depressed every September when it got less light out. I bought a light box and use it for a half hour a day and my depression has pretty much gone away. I'm a skeptic and wouldn't believe it myself, but it really helps me, especially because I'm in a windowless office.

StrangerInTheseParts said...


Endorphins are great. But it's also just that thing when your will trumps your feelings. Exercising when I'm depressed reminds me that "I" am not my moods. I am a lot more than that.

Good luck, Dolly Balboa....

Tis said...

You go girl!

Commonpeople said...

I can fully relate... I've been feeling really low lately - uninterested with the gym, going out, being healthy - but I've decided to put a stop to it.

The first step (at times when this happened to me before) is to find a good uplifting CD - a soundtrack for the climb. Brasilian music works for me, like Marisa Monte or Maria Rita.

Anonymous said...

Hi Dolly,

There's quite a history of depression in my family, so I know how you feel. The one thing I've noticed about it is that it perpetuates itself; that being the more you do the things that depression makes it easy to do (like drink more, maybe sleep more, being less active), are the same things that you need to fight against to get out of it.

Anyway, all this is stuff you probably know. It's a good idea to do volunteer work, and also you should strongly consider picking up a new hobby, like learning to play an instrument or some new kind of skill that will give you a reason to go outside the house besides the usual ones.

Hope you feel better.

v said...

I'm glad you are finally doing something about it instead of talking about it like everyone else.

Just don't make this some stupid resolution you're going to blow off within a couple of weeks.

What I might suggest to bring you out of a funk is dancing. I always find when I'm in a funk, salsa and merengue are an easy way to let out some steam.

G M said...

When I was in a rut, a friend recommended to me to go take a Salsa class. "It makes you infinitely sexier" he said. I thought it was great fun, so I signed up at DanceSport.

I took a four-class course there. In the entire class, there was one cute girl, the rest were middle aged women -- chinese, a woman from the midwest, etc. Well, I am naturally friendly so I danced and got to talking with them. And at one point the one I was talking to is like ... "oh, you know web design? I teach a class on HTML [or something like that], it would be great if you can stop by as a guest teacher"... I said hmm, I might do it... Then after Salsa, I was planning to ask the cute girl if she wanted to join me for some coffee or something, but before I could do it, the woman comes up to me and says, "want to go get a cup of coffee in the starbucks downstairs?" Being nice I said ok sure. We go to the starbucks and she's chatting with me and I start telling her a bit about my life, how I just broke up with my girlfriend, etc. This was Dec 2004. Somehow we went into a bookstore because she wanted to pick something up, and I'm telling her how it's not easy for a guy to meet nice girls (because in NYC, we're wary of strangers) and besides... where will I meet them? Anyway we are randomly passing by and we look at a black book called The Game, with a bunch of girls in gold finish on the cover. She says, "hmm, this sounds like something that could help you!" And I'm like hmm, this is interesting! In my usual fashion, I picked it up and read a few pages... but it didn't take me long before I bought it.

Next week after class, I asked the cute girl out for coffee to that bookstore.

That's another story altogether...

Almost as funny as this one. But basically that's how I discovered the "community" of pickup artists. Coincidence or fate? LOL

Horst Burkhardt said...

GM: fate most likely.

Dolly: Hi. I only found your blog through a link on Wikipaedia in reference to your defence of PUAs. Jolly good show there, those are the type of people I aspire to be like.
WRT your depression, good on you for willing yourself to reform. The exact same thing worked wonders for many of my friends :) Anyhow, it was a pleasure meeting you and I'll just go and sod off now. :)

suileabháin said...

I did much the same thing recently -- too much thinking is the curse of the writing class. I bought a couple of medicine balls and a pull-up bar last month -- not only did my mood improve but the dating life was revived as well. Must not just be endorphines that are released with exercise, probably be some pheromones in the mix too.

Anonymous said...

You know, it irritates me, but I know this. I know that working out cures my depression, makes me optimistic about my writing, and obviously makes me more convivial -- within two days of restarting my exercise program, I'm wondering why I'm suddenly having all these positive interactions with women when there were zero before.

I know this, yet forget it every time.

We are animals. We need to move, or we go crazy.

Why do I keep ignoring this?

Anonymous said...

Go Dolly 2.0!!!

Shaking off the blues post-holiday is perfect timing. Don't be dismayed by the crowded gym. Those who are there only to fulfill NYE resolutions will be gone by February 1st... After that you'll be able to enjoy the eliptical for 30+ minutes withon someone giving you the evil eye.

NotCarrie said...

I need to kick it up a notch, too.

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