Friday, July 14, 2006

Cliff's Notes (Part II)

Saturday (continued)

So there I was, wearing a microphone headset that was very much not for the purpose of singing Britney Spears songs. Instead, I gave a fifteen minute talk on day game and places other than bars, clubs, and the internet where men could--and should--approach women (because really, how tiresome is the whole bar/online dating scene, anyway?). I was pretty comfortable up on stage because a lot of work went into my speech and I knew that, if nothing else, I was well prepared.

I didn't know what to expect when I was done, but the response to my presentation was very positive. I left the convention room and as soon as I stepped across the threshold into the adjoining room, I was surrounded by men, congratulating me, confirming what I spoke about, and asking a plethora of questions.

"You went up there and told the truth," said one man.

"Thank you for coming here and reminding us that women actually want to be approached," said another.

"I'm sick of bars, too, and I find that the women I meet outside bars and clubs are of a much higher caliber, anyway," said a third.

There was such a commotion that one of the Cliff's assistants asked us to move further away, because the noise could be heard in the convention hall.

More men kept coming up to me. One, a fellow presenter, was keen to promote his product and himself, though he was still very friendly. I was paraded in front of a couple of other speakers, ones who didn't get a chance to hear my talk.

"Oh, it's too bad you missed it," they were told, as I was introduced in a flurry of exchanged business cards.

I had an immense natural high going and wanted to go downstairs to the ladies room for a moment, where it was usually empty (since there were maybe six women at the whole conference) and quiet. It took me 45 minutes to get there, because of all the men stopping me along the way to chat. It was awesome.

Eventually I went back upstairs and heard the remaining speakers.

One thing about the event that was a bit draining was how long the days were. The first person went on at 9:00am and the last wasn't done until after 8:00pm. Even with all the breaks, by the end of the day I was pretty tired. Part of the reason was the number of speakers scheduled (nearly thirty). However, I don't think some of them needed nearly as much time as they took. Some of the speakers who were up there for 30-60 minutes could have easily made their point in 15 or less. I'll be honest, there was certainly some superfluous and repetitive chatter. As well as some, shall we say, exceedingly confident presenters that seemed to rely more on conveying their persona than dispensing actual wisdom or particularly useful and practical advice and techniques. Yet these guys still got huge audience reactions. Actually, I was a little disheartened that the men who spoke about inner game and stressed developing yourself as a person instead of relying so much on tricks and techniques did not get very good responses. But hey, at least the attendees were getting a range of philosophies. If they choose hollow tactics to attract a woman without having something of substance to back it up, they'll only get so far, anyway.

That night was pretty low key. PUA Logan and I had dinner with David Shade, a sex guru of sorts. We talked shop pretty much the whole time, except for when David analyzed my handwriting and read my palm (I love all that "chick crack"). He seemed disappointed to discover that I wasn't bisexual. I don't know if he was flirting with me, but when I started talking about just how happy and fulfilled I was with BF David, he got the point. Not that he ever made me uncomfortable; he was always courteous. Very intelligent man and great to talk with, too.

After dinner, Logan and I were going to find a bar somewhere and ended up walking around in the rain for ages. When he stopped to flirt with some girl outside for an extended amount of time, I decided it was time to call it a night (I had no umbrella and besides, he didn't seem to need my help). I hailed a taxi and went back to the hotel, managing to barely five hours of sleep before getting an early start the next day, wistfully thinking about the extended nap I would get to take on the ride back to New York.

(to be continued, when work and this stupid cold aren't monopolizing my time...)


StrangerInTheseParts said...

Hey Dolly -

As you know, I love your blog. Now, I've never read anything about the PUA world except what you and your commenters write.

I trust you enough to try and understand what is going on there that merits your interest and, apparently, your support. It's my impression that you would like the PUA world to be better understood and respected.

I'm not knocking PUA - - I'm just letting you know that, so far, the worth of this whole endeavor has not really made itself clear.

I'm yet to read anything that helps me understand how a whole community dedicated to meeting new people is offering anything that will help its participants be able to explore an actual relationship beyond the first 2 encounters. It's all about meeting people, and it seems to have nothing to say about knowing people, enjoying people, or dealing with people.

Damn It Anyway said...

Ok...this DVD will be the first PUA product I actually buy.

redshirt said...

"Thank you for coming here and remind us that women actually want to be approached," said another.

^ That was me!! :) Dolly, I agree with you about the inner game vs. techniques. The people that sat around me generally were more into the "pick up lines" and routines. I was all about inner game. In fact, originally I was going to go to Montreal just to do sessions with Steve P, and only decided at the last minute to go to the convention as well. Glad I did!

David Shade has got to be one of the classiest and most poised gentlemen I have ever seen. He also has good taste in clothes (of course I'm biased since he wore mostly Club Monaco and so do I:) I could see women swooning all over him everywhere.

One thing I did find interesting was that it seems like all that master PUAs are only interested in dating openly bisexual women. Maybe it's just that I'm still at the stage where giving my undivided attention to one wonderful straight woman is already pretty amazing, and as I progress in my level of mastery I will also want this. I really got the feeling that for the masters, attracting one beautiful woman is a very easy and commonplace thing (talk about a reality shift for guys like us that are still working on getting to this level!)

Horse said...

Does David shade really have a weird stentorian voice? I heard him doing an interview and I thought he sounded like, oh, I don't know, a Willa Cather Professor Emeritus of Early Colonial Literature might sound.

redshirt said...

David Shade's voice is very strong and present. One thing I noticed is his phrasing reminds me of Agent Smith's in The Matrix. David has a more deep rich voice whereas Agent Smith sounds nasally and whiney.

CoatMan said...

"Day game": an intriguing idea. It's so much saner to try to meet people during the daytime, when one is awake and not deafened by overpowering music. You make me want to listen to your speech somehow :-p

Dolly said...


I have to say, I'm getting a little annoyed how a lot of these PUA gurus preach threesomes when they get to a certain level. I understand it's a fantasy for many men, and that's fine, but it sounds like you are more interested in finding one woman to develop a relationship with, which is fine, too. I just hope that if you never have a threesome, you don't feel like you haven't attained a certain level (unless it is something you really desire). I mean, I don't go around preaching monogamy, though that is my personal belief. I just don't want impressionable guys to think that in order to be a man, they need to seduce lots and lots of women and have MLTRs. You can be just as much of a man by being good to one woman only.

redshirt said...

Hi Dolly, thanks for the encouragement and words of advice. One of the things I "lucked out" on was that I had the opportunity for a 3some on a cruise ship (guys, it's true, people do the craziest things as soon as they step onto a cruise ship) and I turned it down. It's a long story but suffice to say, I just felt a really bad vibe and didn't go for it. The next day, the two girls got caught trying to smuggle cocaine onto the cruise ship. Let's just say that they didn't make the rest of the trip.

One of my goals in a relationship is to make sure that the power dynamic is balanced. I used to be in relationships where the girl KNEW if she left, she could easily find someone else whereas my frame at the time was that I was lucky to have her and if she left I'd have trouble finding someone else. What I want is that we both feel that we have chosen to be with each other and that we both bring wonderful qualities to the table, and we enjoy the time we have together. Every day we make the choice to be together, and if one day it doesn't work out, we will BOTH be able to go on our ways and easily meet someone. That imo is a much more balanced power dynamic in the relationship.

Dolly said...

I couldn't agree with you more; having a balanced power dynamic is the best way to go in a relationship. This means knowing when to compromise and let the other person's needs take priority and generally working as a team.
It sounds a little corny, but a lot of it comes down to being giving and finding somebody equally so.

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