Wednesday, February 22, 2006

FAQ

Since I started this blog in the beginning of the year, I have been getting comments and emails from all over. I try to reply to everyone, because I figure if someone has taken the time to write me, the least I could do is acknowledge that with a note of my own. Recently, I have been getting asked a lot of questions, ranging from sought-after sex advice to queries into my own life, ranging from thought-provoking to silly. Here is a sample, along with my answers:

Does it make a man less "dateworthy" knowing he is a pick-up artist? Would you date a PUA?

I have been thinking long and hard (ahem) about this for a little while now. It would be pretty hypocritical of me to show so much support toward these aspiring PUAs only to turn around and say I'd never date one. It depends on the guy's intentions and attitude. If he's looking to build up a harem full of threesomes and MLTRs (multiple long term relationships), I'll pass, that's not my thing (yes, I know I currently have two guys on the go, but that's more a fluke than something I set out to do). If he's learning how to attract women as a form of self-improvement with the eventual goal being a serious relationship, that's a different story. Other than sex, not all PUAs have the same motives. I'd probably be a bit more cautious about getting emotionally involved with a serious student of, say, the Mystery Method, but I would not write a guy off for it. I mean, let's face it, I've been studying this material, too. Does that make me less dateworthy? (The right answer, in case you're pondering it, is "no")

What do you look like? Are you hot?

I can appreciate the curiosity, but I need to maintain a certain level of anonymity here in order to write about the things I do. Let's put it this way: I would not be mistaken for a supermodel, but if there was a dodgeball game (or wet t-shirt contest) between Team Hottie and Team Non-Hottie, I'd be on the first team. Logan described me as HB8, which I think is fair.

Do you worry about your dates finding your blog?

Think of the most vehement way I can say hell yes and double it. I have a certain amount of dread of receiving a call or email from TV Tyler or Arty Adam telling me they read the blog. I don't know what I'd do if that were to happen (please don't make me choose, not yet!). Pretty Polly had one of her dates not only find the blog, but leave her a long comment! In her case, it wasn't someone she was that interested in, but it's still a major concern. The other thing I think about is what will happen when I get seriously involved with someone. Do I tell him about the blog? Do I keep it a secret and keep writing about the relationship? I hope you readers appreciate how much I put my heart on the line for you!

Are you a slut?

No, but I play one on the internet. No, for real, I'm not. A slut is indiscriminate. I realize that I often look for love in all the wrong places, but I am selective about who I date and who I sleep with. Perhaps I'm a bit of a kissing slut, but if kissing boys in bars is wrong, I don't want to be right.

I have a small penis. Am I doomed?

Yes. I'm kidding, come back here. No, you are not at all doomed. Develop your fingering and oral (and listening!) skills and you will be a star in the bedroom.


Any more questions?

28 comments:

Teck said...

Hello. It's a bit sad, but I was hitting the 'next blog' icon and reading through random posts,and came across this one. I'm glad to see one written half well, and it is very ammusing.

See ya later

Judy said...

Fun post, Dolly!

Rebel Leader said...

The fact that you're studying PUA material definitely does not make you any less dateworthy. It does however make me wonder if perhaps you're a gay man trapped in a women's body... :)

Love Rebel Leader

Larissa said...

since i've met dolly in person I can vouch for her good looks folks. and yeah i know what you mean about the fear of someone you're seeing finding out about the blog. could you imagine if i get serious with a guy and he finds out about my countdown? eek. talk about pressure!

tadpoled said...

Hell yeah.

Having two guys is not an MLTR, it's just the beginning of the courting process. All is fair till you have the infamous exclusive 'talk' and they have to prove exclusive worthy first.

Dolly said...

Teck,
I'm glad you think my blog is "written half well". Maybe someday I'll get it up to full well? ;)

Rebel Leader,
If you knew some of my music taste, you probably would be further convinced that I am a gay man. Bear in mind that part of the reason I study these techniques is to know what to expect from the opposite sex! Forewarned is forearmed.

Larissa,
Yeah, we have sure painted ourselves into cyber-corners, haven't we!

Tadpoled,
You're right. I shouldn't feel guilty. After all, one or both of them could drop out of the running at any moment...

Mango said...

As always your blog is a guilty pleasure while I'm at work. Glad you study PUA material, I just started reading all the "chick material" to even the playing field.

BTW, thanks for the link.

Dolly said...

Mango,
I'm always happy to lighten somebody's work day.

What is this "chick material" you speak of?

Lifestyle with BG said...

About that relationship stuff..

I personally was thinking about it.. Eventually I told my gf about the community; about a month into the relationship.

She knows about the blog, but hasn't asked for the URL. I decided not to write about her, but the old posts about her are still there.

Anyway, she likes me, she doesn't care. That's that.

Mango said...

I just got my hands on a copy of "The Rules," the seminal book on games women play to "get a man." I'll be reading as many of these books that I can in order to "best understand my opponent." ;-) Of course, I've been reading, "The Art of War" and applying Sun Tzu's teachings to PU as well.

Game on Dolly.

The Asian Playboy said...

Ah sweetie, once you know the Power of the Daaark Side....

Fluke, my dear? Please, it's just the start of your harem. Soon, you too shall have boy toys whose names you shall call Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and so forth.

Anyways, concerning the bit about identity, that's another thing I myself am concerned about... except the Big D is much smaller than the Big Apple not to mention I'm going to be profiled in a the city magazine.

That's why I stopped putting up my dating and hook up misadventures.

Seriously, how many player Asians does my city have?

I'm am SO screwed when it comes out...

Dolly said...

BG,
It's great that your GF is so relaxed about the blog. I'm starting to think that whoever I get involved with is going to have to be cool with mine (sooner or later, they will find out...).

Mango,
I hate The Rules. HatehateHATE. I think it's idiotic for women to ration out their affection that way and make the chase so forced. Yes, women should be pursued, but if they start strategizing in such extreme ways, they are very likely to sabotage their possibility for happiness.

Asian Playboy,
You flatter me. Honestly, I'm not interested in a harem. One good man who will stick around is enough for me.

I completely understand why you wouldn't want to post field reports to your own blog. I bet it would be a lot easier if you were in LA or NYC. Still, I'd love to read that article when it comes out. Will there be an accompanying photo? If there's a link, please let me know!

Anonymous said...

It sounds like you've been buying up a bunch of ebooks and DVDs on pickup lately. I wonder: besides the Strauss book and the Community (www.fastseduction.com), which other sources of PUA info (ebooks, DVDs, CDs, podcasts, etc) have you been studying specifically?

Damn It Anyway said...

I can vouch for Dolly in both the attractive and non slut-areas.

She's also good at convincing a guy to buy "The Game".

Dolly said...

Anonymous,
Right now I am reading The Mystery Method. I may check out some of David DeAngelis's stuff material next.

DIA,
First, aww.
Second, I'll be curious to hear your thoughts on the book!

Lifestyle with BG said...

DeAngelo

;-)

Dolly said...

Haha, guess who hasn't finished her morning coffee?

Anonymous said...

heh... I'm hoping to get MM to sign me on as an instructor soon. You probably should avoid me. ;)

~~Affection


PS: DOLLY STEALS SCARVES!!

Anonymous said...

Check out the seduction database of http://www.bristollair.com/ , it's the best.

One question though: what's the truth about cocks and dolls? ;;)

- DeLight

Dolly said...

Logan,
Yeah, I can see how you are a true Mystery scholar. And you will get your gorgous scarf back... someday.

DeLight,
I've heard of the Bristol Lair. I'll check it out one of these days.

As for the "truth"... that's not an answer that will fit into this little box.

darius451 said...

Great blog dolly, sorry its been awhile since i've commented on you. school keeps me busy. But you mentioned about not dating a guy because he is a PUA, I have pondered that same dilema, if a girl ever found out what I am doing. My answer is...I've known countless girls that are warned about a particular guy as being a "player" or an "asshole", but later in the evening they are making out with him, or dating him down the road. Unless a PUA has the tattoe "serial rapist" across his forehead, as long as he is able to attract women, they will date him. The feeling women get when they are attracted to a guy is so powerful, its almost like they blur out everything else about him.

Dolly said...

Darius,
You're right, the attraction can be overwhelming. It's what the guy does with that power and attraction that really counts. Also, I wonder if some aspiring PUAs don't get past the routines to develop their own inner game, which is crucial. If a guy can be an alpha male without being phony or manipulative, and still convey an emotional side, I'll give him a chance.

pawlr said...

I have plenty of "nice guy" friends that who have tremendous emotional depth - they just don't have the toolkit of the PUA to stimulate attraction. If "the Game" keeps spreading through the male community you'll probably see a better quality of younger male coming up through the ranks, which means more opportunity for females. Of course, intelligent males will have to adapt as women become more aware of the techniques; that is, if you believe in "Red Queen" theories..

< soapbox >My perspective is that American society as a whole needs to evolve erotically. We are totally adolescent when it comes to eroticism in this country, far behind both Europe and Asia.< /soapbox >

Dolly said...

Pawlr,
I'm curious about how you think America specifically needs to evolve when it comes to erotica. I agree with you, and think the way sex is portrayed in the media would be one good place to start, but would like to know your views as well.

pawlr said...

Thanks for the interest. Its kind of difficult for me to put into words, more of an intuition, but I'll try. For instance, I was walking around the East Village last weekend, while waiting to meet someone, and watching the couples go by. The pair-bonded people and singlets seemed so much like they were approximating the opposite gender's style - both males and females dressed in flannel, or sort of blah Gappy-corporate getups. The women (and gay men) weren't really demonstrative of their best "attractiveness value" because they all seemed uniformed. When women did display some flash or accessory it was muted, watered down, faded. Postures seemed defensive. Maybe that's what happens to most couples and people (and neighborhoods) normally as they age.

To clarify a bit, this is all coming from a fashion angle of erotica rather than a behavior angle or analysis of the "dance" itself, and says nothing of convo. And I want to distinguish between erotic androgyny and non-erotic androgyny. The good erotic androgyny for me is when a woman adopts highly sexed masculine gear, or males adopt highly sexed feminine gear. Imagine on one side, Condoleeza Rice in thigh-highs and Matrix garb, and on the other, Ru-paul. This is the androgyny I like, because at least it has SOME sex in it, just as a male in a really slick tux and a female totally dolled up outfit is also sexy. The androgyny I don't like is this Americanized misunderstood "Zen" minimalism where both the male and female get absorbed into some soup of monotones and there's no sartorial spice in the broth. Its the separation of erotic poles, even within the context of a single person, that can create a spark; when people try too hard to integrate their masculine-feminine sides, they wind up boring themselves and each other with some philosophy about "why can't we all get along" instead of trying to get laid. Guess I'm guilty of that too sometimes :)

Don't know why I'm thinking about fashion so much, and I realize its not really central to your question, but its just a feeling really. Americans just don't seem at home with their libidos and always need to rationalize or justify it to themselves and each other. Other cultures take human nature for granted much more easily and have a more light-hearted sense of play about it. America on one hand is addicted to innocence and on the other takes itself stupefyingly seriously.

Don't mean to ramble but I guess I did.

pawlr said...

When I said "Condi in thigh-highs" I meant thigh-high BOOTS. Just a clarification in case you thought I meant stockings, which are, of course, completely different.

Dolly said...

Pawlr,
It's interesting that you should mention fashion. I think it's hypocritical that females have been dressing in an increasingly more provocative way (especially teenagers, which is disturbing), yet there is still a shyness or stigma when it comes to openly discussing sex. If our society focused less on fashion and more on portraying sex in a realistic and healthy way via the media, I think that would be a great help. A movie can be violent as hell and get an R rating, but show a penis or some pubic hair and it gets an NC17. Sex on the screen is either soft-focus, slow-motion "lovemaking" or hardcore jackhammering fucking. There doesn't seem to be any middle ground. It's ironic, because our culture is saturated with sex, but I think much of it is very misleading and can end up doing more harm than good when it comes to peoples' sexual attitudes.

pawlr said...

You have my full agreement on your points with regard to sex and the media. Real eroticism for me is a continuum, not a jumping from one state to another. Every element in the process needs to be handled delicately and with negotiation. Other than Hollywood's dewy-eyed romantic couplings and Porn's peripatetic drilling lies a wide range of behaviors and components. Hollywood does its male and female audiences a great disrespect by not providing representations of these acts that reflect real life encounters. Young people, as a result, lack the role models for playful yet respectful approaches to sex and get left with these stereotypes; its a fucking shame. Literally.