Thursday, April 20, 2006

Outed...This time for real

Before I say anything about my date with Drama David I should clarify this Film Felix texting business. As it so happens, there is, floating around in cyberspace, an easily-found-if-you-know-me-in-person, non-incriminating old blog of mine. Therefore, my heart only stopped for a split second when I saw the following message from FF:

I found your blog, but I found nothing to warrant your question. I'm disappointed.

I know I don't lead the craziest life in the world, but if he found this site, there's no way he'd be so blasé. I replied:

Either you're bluffing or you're referring to [non-incriminating old blog], which is easy to find.

I thought that if Film Felix went to all the trouble to try to find my "scandalous" blog, there must be some interest, right?

Guess what? It doesn't matter. Film Felix did not step up. Like Coldplay Guy and many men before him, he played the passive card. I was disappointed, too.

Sometimes it's difficult to see just what kind of unacceptable behavior you've been tolerating from men... until you see how it should be.

Enter Drama David, Stage Left.

We met at a subdued West Village restaurant/lounge.

My hair didn't look like I had spilled coffee on it (hooray!).

It took a little while to settle my nervousness, so I might have chattered on a bit too much a first. He was wearing the perfect first date male ensemble (Desperate Guy, are you paying attention?): jeans, nice button-down, sport jacket, polished shoes.

As we talked, our knees touched under the table. I found that reassuring.

We delved right into the first order of business, which was his grievous inability to love Favorite Band as much as I do. He pulled out the list of songs I wrote out for him to download and said he couldn't find many of them at iTunes, so he went to a record store instead and... bought Favorite Band's Greatest Hits.

Wow.

That was so damn cool. Even if he wasn't instantly enamored by the breathtaking song stylings of Favorite Band, the fact that he went to so much trouble is commendable. I have faith that someday he will see the light.

More conversation, I'm starting to relax, Drama David suggests we go somewhere else. I mention a bar around the corner I have always wanted to visit. We go there and he sits across the table from me for a few minutes, then comes around and sits next to me. Puts his arm around me. That's more like it. We order drinks, talk some more, and finally there's some smooching... quality smooching... in fact, I'd like to pause for a moment to recall said smooching... Okay, I'm back.

Drama David starts asking about the "secret" blog. I tell him I know he is going to find it someday, but that for now I couldn't tell him any more about the pesky thing.

"Okay, then let's talk about this scandal your blog was involved with."

I had mentioned this to him at the party.

"Sure."

"So it was the Village Voice."

"Did I mention the Voice to you on Saturday? I guess I must have." I tried to think back.

"...Doug Simmons?"

The room got a little darker. I definitely didn't mention this at the party. "Um..."

"Nick Sylvester?" He took a piece of paper out of his jacket pocket. A printout.

A printout of this blog.

I put my head in my hands. "Oh no."

I couldn't look at him.

"You asked me to tell you if and when I found it, so I'm telling you."

[to be continued...]

21 comments:

Sarah Jayne said...

The discovery of blogs by significant others has been a hot topic lately on the big world wide web! I was even spurred to write about it!

I'm even wondering if many A-list blogs will be shutting down soon! Have the tides turned? Don't go away Dolly!!! Anyways, this is an interesting blog that was just posted a few days ago.

Blogging and Dating: At the same time!?!

PS - Hi Drama David

LouseLogic said...

Noooooooooooo. Im gonna miss you Dolly. (Presupposing you are shutting down, but just really hoping for the reverse psychology effect).

How do you feel that DD found it? How would you feel if FF really did find it? Is there a difference?

hopefully you answer these questions on the continuation.

Peace <3 & Bless.

emotional stew said...

Not only does he have better manners and a greater abilty to "step up" than Film Felix. He's cannier too.

An actor - who'd a thought?

Good for you!

The Rain King said...

sorry to be an ahole. I really like your blog and i love living vicariously through you, but if you don't want people finding your blog why do you tell them you have a blog?

Stretch said...

...have to agree with Rain King. Or better yet...you have written before that it would be "liberating" to date someone who knew about the blog. So now is your chance. In the future, why not just give a guy the link when you start dating him and save him the time and yourself the anxiety of wondering?

This is why I am sticking to blogging about the news... ;-)

pookalu said...

rain king -- because sometimes there comes a moment where you don't always want to deceive/mislead/omit yourself from people (even if it's passive by not telling them), where you think you may want to carry on some sort of "substantial" relationship with them (friends, lovers, etc.).

i've grappled with this issue, and i totally appreciate dolly's courage in doing this.

and hi drama david!

Sarah Jayne said...

RK - My opinion... THEY WILL ALWAYS FIND OUT! At some point (if you're trying to hide your blog) you're going to mess up - and your significant other will find out... No ifs, ands, or buts about it! You could work for the CIA or be a P.I. but if bloggin is an active hobby of yours, people will find out, especially someone close to you!

And then there's the aspect of honesty... You may start dating someone that realistically, you don't see as any long-term potential. You don't feel the need to bring up your blog... 6 months later, the relationship is serious: "oh did I never mention I have an online journal where I write the most intimate details of my life anonymously??? it must have slipped my mind"

You don't have to hand them the url - but I think it's important to be honest... if the guy you're seeing wants to google your name til the cows come home, and then judge your personal entries, then maybe he's not the kind of guy you want!

The guy I'm dating knows I have a blog - and has even asked to read a few entries... I let him but also ask that he did not delve deep into my writings, I'd rather him get to know me through me... best part: he's respected my request (I have a sitemeter, so I know!) - to me his actions speak louder then words!

The Rain King said...

pookalu, I agree that eventually most of the baggage needs to come out. But the fun part about early dating is getting to know people bit by bit by bit. You share what you want to when the time is appropriate. But hey, if Dolly wants to get it all out in the open then go for it, as long as she knows that it may scare a lot of guys away. But then again, dolly is a strong woman. maybe she wants a dude who wouldn't be freaked out about it.

coasta said...

Arrrgghhh. I hate cliffhangers! The season ending episodes of most good dramas....and now this!

BTW Dolls, what's your favorite band? The Smiths? Despite the Cyndi Lauper comments, I'm very much into music as well....although my tastes run VERY broad.

NotCarrie said...

But he brought up finding it towards the end of the date? After the smooching? Is he okay with it all? OMG, continue soon!

Dolly said...

Sarah Jayne,
Thanks for the link to that great post! I agree with every word.

Louselogic,
I'm not shutting down. And I'll try to address your questions in the next part of my story.

Emotional Stew,
Hey, let's not stereotype the actors! Polly is a thespian, too, and she's a smartypants, too.

Rain King and Stretch,
The reason I mentioned the blog to Drama David is because when I met him, I wasn't flirting with him or trying to impress him or reel him in, I was just being myself. Since a few noteworthy things have happened related to the blog and I haven't been able to go into it with the guys I dated, it was a relief to be so open and honest. The fact that we ended up kissing was a surprise to both of us.

Pookalu,
Couldn't agree more. I think Rain King and Stretch are also missing the point in that the blog isn't going to be something you want to share with people right away, if ever. It's a careful balance to tread.

Coasta,
Considering how much I've opened up here, you'll have to let me remain mysterious about Favorite Band. I'll get working on Part 2 soon...

NotCarrie,
Your questions will be answered in the next post...

NotMiranda said...

The wait is going to drive me batty...

StrangerInTheseParts said...

I leave town for a week and have to read all this interesting stuff that happenend in one swoop. Would of been more dramatic to follow day to day... oh well.

Anywho - my bottom line on all this is THANK GOD you're putting the blog out there to this guy from the get go. Time for a real relationship...put the chips down and have the courage to see if someone can be into you as you really are.

The Asian Playboy said...

I'm curious as to why you're PUSHING men to find your blog? You may say you're don't want them to find it and get "outed" but it seems to me you're actively (if subconsciously) sabotaging yourself and/or creating additional chick drama to get off on.

Anyways, makes for good blogging. I'll see you in Montreal.

Sarah said...

He's totally going to step up and be okay with it. Yes sirree Bob. Uh, Dave.

snob in the city said...

Very exciting! I can't wait to read the rest of the story!!!

Damn It Anyway said...

No worries..i'm sure everything will turn out just fine....then again i'm high on percocet.

Teensy said...

I will admit I did not read all 17 comments but....I almost find it romantic how he found it and presented it to you. As much as I hate the waiting I can tell there is a happy ending, because he found it and your writing more then "he found it, good bye".
He obviously cares, he put much effort into the music and into stalking you...this guy is growing on me, I wont lie.

jo said...

i think that maybe you shouldn't ever mention that you have a blog. if someone asks, be like, "me? no i don't have a blog..."

Dolly said...

NotMiranda,
The wait is nearly over. :)

Stranger,
I think your use of the word "courage" is apt. It takes guts to lower your defenses and show somebody exactly who you are.

APB,
I'm not pushing for it. In DD's case, I felt comfortable enough to talk about some of the things that happened around the blog and it was a part of myself I didn't want to keep hidden. It's nice being mysterious to an extent, but you get to a point where keeping so many parts of yourself hidden is tiring (a lesson I learned with TV Tyler and Arty Adam).

Teensy,
I used the term "cyber-stalking" playfully. We've both done a fair amount of research about each other online.

Jo,
The blog has become bigger than I thought it would ever be. If I write personal things about someone I am involved with, it's not fair to keep them in the dark about it forever, while strangers around the world get to read it. Sooner or later the truth has to come out and better sooner than later.

Betty on the Beach said...

OK - this is my advice. I can't give any advice on your being outed, but I will give advice on any future "outs"...When you meet a new guy, do not, I repeat, DO NOT tell him you blog. No matter how covery you think you are, anyone with good google skills will be able to pull information revealed from a conversation and find it.
I'd TOTALLY freak if any guy I was dating found my blog!