Friday, July 20, 2007

tempus fugit

There are several reasons why keeping up this blog has been such a struggle. One major factor is my new job. I was able to do most of my blogging at my last job, but that's not really possible now. The bigger, shinier paycheck means more responsibilities and way less downtime. Plus, my computer screen faces a high traffic area and it wouldn't be good for one of my bosses to see me lingering on a site that prominently displays "cock" in its title.

The other main reason for my absence is J.

In some ways, I feel like I've been absent from more than this blog, but the real world, too. I have told J more than once that I feel like I'm on vacation when I'm with him. We have this ability to create our own microcosmos when we're together: it's me, it's J, and the rest of existence is banished to the periphery. Whether on a beach or dancefloor, in a grocery store or casino, life plays out for us like a movie and we walk among its scenery.

I've been so busy being happy that I have hardly noticed the time go by, except in weekly increments. Or in weekends, which J and I spend almost exclusively together (he is napping right now), which pass shockingly quickly, crammed with social and familial obligations, but also hours that belong only to us.

It's been a dramatic change, going from the life I had before J to the life I have now. My days are different because of the shift in employment and my nights are different because I am no longer single. It's been tough staying in touch with friends. Polly said I fell off the radar a bit when I was in my last relationship. I know I've done that to an extent again, but I've been making a concerted effort not to drift away from the people who are my second family: Willow and Polly and (former) Coworker Chris and Podcast Penny and all the others. Not to mention my alone time; there's less of that, too.

Not that I'm complaining. Merely adjusting. I love inhabiting the world that J and I created for ourselves. I don't want anything to mar this world, which is why part of me is at a loss as to what to write about. I could write about how J has only ever dated thin girls and how I worry that if I don't keep off the fifty (yes, fifty) pounds I have lost in the last seven months, he'll leave me (though he is beyond supportive of my fitness goals). I could write about our magical (to the point of spooky) telepathic connection, about the way we fit the way I have never fit with anybody before. I could write about how nerve-wracking it was meeting each others' families. I could write about the positive-adjective-defying sex. I could write about how I feel like I've waited my whole life for him, and it was worth the wait. How he constantly makes me laugh, impresses me with his resourcefulness, and takes my breath away with his knockout combination of generosity, sensitivity, and raw masculinity. I could write about how I've reached a point where not having him in my life would be inconceivably tragic.

There are endless lists of things we have done (cooked together, taken walks in Central Park, gone away for the weekend) and things we haven't done (had our first fight, said the L word, anal). Part of me wants to chronicle every special minute of it. Another part of me wants to fully immerse myself in this wonderous time of my life, this falling in glorious love, and forego the need to capture it in words.

Time: it moves at light speeds, but I can't help the foolish notion that J and I have so much of it. Yet it still slips away, another hour, another day, another week. I blinked and found a month had passed that J and I were together. One of the happiest months of my life.

16 comments:

Flash said...

Well Doll, I am happy for you.

Yet, because I am so selfish, I am miserable. Kind of the same feeling as finishing a great book. A friend turned me on to your blog about 8 months ago. It was a brilliantly written female perspective express train, dripping with insecurity, angst, sex, perversion, a few recreational drugs... You know, all good stuff to read and relate to. Not to mention, the anticipation of the train coming off the tracks. All real life for most of us. And, most importantly what make makes Doll Doll.

Now we are suddenly on the local train of J and Doll... Again, I am happy for you! You deserve happiness. Please don't take my comments personally. I am not dissing you at all.

But please don't fall into to the trap that so many authors, songwriters, artists fall into...

Don't start blogging your trips to Ikea, and the revelation that J likes 400 thread count sheets and you like 600 thread count sheets. Kissing and eating strawberries while watching Giadda DeLaurentis on Food TV Network. How you realized at the Sunday BBQ that friends are so petty. How you don't even think about random sexual encounters with strangers anymore because J fills every need and then some. God, I think I'm going to puke on my keyboard right now.

What's next? You going to start sharing Chili recipes?

JsTzznU said...

Dolly.... Tell flash to go pop "it's" self! LOL.. You go girl! OK.. I'm male but it works so just go with it =)

Hey, all I can say is that after 25 years of marriage I FOUND what you now have! I read your post aloud to my wife as it decribes exactly what we now have with each other. Only there is no "weight" issue. I personally don't care if she gains a few or not! I'm still all over her all the time. Anyways.. Enjoy what you found, keep it safe, keep it moving forward and you will know a life long of happiness! Been there done that!

Terry

socialrevelation said...

Such an inspirational post. For a long time now I've been aware of the fact that I am 100% ready to enter a relationship. In the past I never was, I just got into it because it made sense, or the sex was good, or she bothered me into it.

Reading your post made me smile, and realize that sooner or later I will be in your shoes, and I will be dedicating all my reasonable resources to maintaining a great relationship. So my advice is: Love every single second of it, and cherish the experience of life.

Enjoy :P
- Darren

Stretch said...

Great news...and fun to read about what happened when you "stopped looking." This seems like something you have "deserved" for a long time.

Jess said...

You and J. seem really good together, and you seem super-happy. (I say this on the basis of the .04 seconds I saw you recently, but nevertheless.) The fact that you've been too busy living your life to write about it on the internet should never be something you have to apologize for.

blogging said...

oh dolly. you give this single girl hope. so. happy. for you my dear. :)

xo, bloggingbarbie

MJ said...

Dolly,

I have read over quite a few of your entries, but I haven't found any mention of STDs.

There was a post a while back on the PU boards about the subject of STDs and whether or not it should be brought up. And if it is brought up, how should one approach such an issue.

Some might say that STDs are the price you pay or the risk you take for promiscuity and leave it at that.

Anyhow, I'm curious if/how other guys have brought this up, and I figure you can always use new blog material ;).

Best wishes,

-M

Damsel Underdressed said...

I'm really happy for you, Dolly. It's good that you are busy living and enjoying life. Things must be going really well. I did want to say, and I think I probably speak for a lot of other people too, that I miss reading your blog. You are a fun, excellent, and fluent writer and I had come to look forward to your posts. Love isn't something that happens to us all the time, however, so you keep up with what you're doing and I'll keep checking back to see if you've been around. :)

Isabella Snow said...

I want to be that happy! ;)

Elisabeth said...

I'm assuming this is the end of your blogging, but am very happy for you. I also for the one who I can see myself with for several seasons (forever sounds too abstract)

Ted T. said...

Dolly,

Is there really no new material in happily ever after? There's a depressing thought... for your readers, anyway.

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thepickupsite.com said...

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Tranceporter said...

I cudnt agree more with flash! I came across your blog some months before, while reading some comments on an ANTI-PUA article written by a local newspaper editor. Thats when I first read your post about PUA dave. It did make me come back time and again to read your perspectives on the PUA word, with you coming across as a very energetic and open minded person. But now a days I see you mostly talking about relationships and your trips, and somehow feel the purpose for the blog is gone. Of course, its your blog, and you can whatever you want, but its no more very informative, or exciting or real life as it was before. Good luck in you life though. I will remain a fan of your blog.

Miss Yu said...

Miss Dolly,

I greatly appreciate the chronicles you've set out in this blog, and the fact that you've chosen to let it stand rather than taking it down.

I came across it not too long ago when googling for FPUAs and related items, and you've given me many an hour of reading pleasure. Oddly, I'm embarking on a vaguely similar adventure, although I'm a few years older than you were when you began this blog.

Still, at any stage in life, there's no time like the present. I wish you all possible happiness with J., and hope you've really found your happily ever after this time.

Cheers,
Miss Yu

corina said...

I was an avid reader and just popped back to see if you'd taken it up again.

I think the most important thing isn't whether you and J are still together... it's that you are happy. Full stop.

It's a cheesy thing to say, but I just finished the first Bridget Jones flick and a friend asked how there could possibly be a sequel.

Well, it's because even fairy tale love often goes awry. What's most important is health, family and friends.

Best to you.