The last couple of weeks have been tough. Work has been cruel and unusual with its pressures; I've also had friend drama and other stress here and there pile up, on top of female hormone issues and this stupid heat (summer makes me cranky), all of which has made me really bad at coping with the strain. To add to the trouble, I haven't really been taking care of myself as far as diet and exercise goes, so I've been more lethargic and have had hardly any sex drive the last couple of weeks.
Which would be okay if I was still single. I'd take my celibacy in stride, and maybe even be relieved by it (being single and horny can lead to some bad judgment calls). But since I share a bed with someone I love several nights out of the week, this lack of desire doesn't just affect me. I've tried to "take one for the team" but it's even worse to try to fake that kind of enthusiasm.
I know I haven't been the best girlfriend lately. I've been moody and tense and hating the world. I've tried to be better behaved with BF David, but have still picked fights and taken my craziness out on him when I had no right to. And it would be one thing if I was being a bitch and still putting out, but for me to be cranky and asexual? Unacceptable.
Oh, and over the weekend I had a dream in which I made out with another guy. I cheated on BF David in my sleep!
I am a bad girlfriend.
I'm working on fixing that. Exercise and eating well always helps my sex drive, so I'm making that a priority. I'm also trying to generally be nicer and more patient and leave work stress at work. I wish I didn't feel so overwhelmed at juggling my job, my writing, and my social and familial obligations.
BF David has been sweet and understanding about all of this, which, if anything, makes me feel even more guilty for my mini-tantrums and low sex drive.
I know, I know, these things happen. Life worries get in the way. Besides, we have a box of goodies on the way that is practically guaranteed to get rid of our dry spell. And at least we're aware when we're being temperamental with each other. Even so, I still feel like a jerk. I'm sure I'll find a way to make it up to him.