Monday, July 24, 2006

Bad Girlfriend

The last couple of weeks have been tough. Work has been cruel and unusual with its pressures; I've also had friend drama and other stress here and there pile up, on top of female hormone issues and this stupid heat (summer makes me cranky), all of which has made me really bad at coping with the strain. To add to the trouble, I haven't really been taking care of myself as far as diet and exercise goes, so I've been more lethargic and have had hardly any sex drive the last couple of weeks.

Which would be okay if I was still single. I'd take my celibacy in stride, and maybe even be relieved by it (being single and horny can lead to some bad judgment calls). But since I share a bed with someone I love several nights out of the week, this lack of desire doesn't just affect me. I've tried to "take one for the team" but it's even worse to try to fake that kind of enthusiasm.

I know I haven't been the best girlfriend lately. I've been moody and tense and hating the world. I've tried to be better behaved with BF David, but have still picked fights and taken my craziness out on him when I had no right to. And it would be one thing if I was being a bitch and still putting out, but for me to be cranky and asexual? Unacceptable.

Oh, and over the weekend I had a dream in which I made out with another guy. I cheated on BF David in my sleep!

I am a bad girlfriend.

I'm working on fixing that. Exercise and eating well always helps my sex drive, so I'm making that a priority. I'm also trying to generally be nicer and more patient and leave work stress at work. I wish I didn't feel so overwhelmed at juggling my job, my writing, and my social and familial obligations.

BF David has been sweet and understanding about all of this, which, if anything, makes me feel even more guilty for my mini-tantrums and low sex drive.

I know, I know, these things happen. Life worries get in the way. Besides, we have a box of goodies on the way that is practically guaranteed to get rid of our dry spell. And at least we're aware when we're being temperamental with each other. Even so, I still feel like a jerk. I'm sure I'll find a way to make it up to him.


Anonymous said...

Sorry things are so rough. Why not give blogging a rest? I love to hear from you, but I'd rather know you were happy and handling the major things in life in your own inimitable style first.


Horse said...

Lately, the blogosphere has been so desolate as to give Steinbeck a start.

I'm kinda surprised David wasn't the least bit bothered by your moodiness. He never asked what the hell your problem was?

Dolly said...

Thanks for the sympathy. Feeling much better now and no blog break needed. Sometimes, it helps me to vent (online or off).

I'd appreciate it if you would stop commenting in my blog. Please and thank you.

Damn It Anyway said...

Hey it was just a dream!!!
Besides..the fact the the dream bothered you just shows that you really like this guy and are a great girlfriend.

Horse said...

I didn't mean to offend you. This is my last comment here.

It's been a pleasure.

Dolly said...

I like the way you think!

Anonymous said...

yo, my gf is doing this to me, but she acts like that she just doesnt love me at all. i want to address the problem b4 i just cant handle it anymore, but afraid to b/c she will get mad. im at the edge, but i dont want to leave her. ive already caught her in a lie which was fixed, so no worries there. it wasnt that big a deal. but she said that she realizes that she doenst show that she loves me, but hasnt changed a bit. if she has, she has gotten confuesed, b/c she does say that she loves me. i want to believe it. i need some help here if anyone reads this. please.

Anonymous said...

oh, i didnt mean to like just go off on my problem on your blog thing. im sorry 4 ur lil problem, and i hope that everything gets straitened out between the 2 of you. u are not that bad. and hey, u cant control your dreams. dont sweat it ok. everything will work out. youve realized the problem, and your actually wanting to fix it. that there is commendable. i wish for the best

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