Friday, July 07, 2006

Gratitude and Confidence

Before I write the next installment of my convention adventure, I have a confession to make:

I almost chickened out.

From the moment that Cliff invited me to speak at the conference, I was a little baffled. Since when was I any kind of authority when it came to dating, pickup, and seduction? (Never mind that I have spend the last decade of my life going on hundreds of dates, entering in countless relationships, flings, and one night stands.)

I didn't think I'd have the guts to go, especially when it looked like BF David wouldn't be able to join me. I was even going to use him as an excuse to back out, citing his nonexistent jealousy. The truth was, he was behind me all the way and had no worries at all about my attending an event chock full of pick-up artists.

Then I used money as an excuse. I'm still paying off my Europe trip and my credit cards couldn't take further strain. (Though let's face it, an excuse is an excuse.)

Along came PUA Logan, who invited me to join his new company, Project Manhattan, as a visiting instructor and wingwoman. He had business cards made up for me and in a display of even grander generosity, offered to sponsor me on the trip.

I had a ride and accomodations; now all I needed was a speech. Shouldn't be too hard to fill fifteen minutes, right?

The problem was that I had no clue as to what I wanted to talk about. I had a few ideas, but nothing was coalescing into a real presentation. I made some notes and when I read a partial rough draft of a speech to BF David, he tactfully told me that it sounded like I wasn't sure what my topic was. He was right.

I had so much doubt in the weeks leading up to the conference and almost called it off several times. To say I was nervous about the trip was an understatement. I didn't think I could do it. I didn't think anything I had to say would possibly have the substance and wisdom of the more experienced speakers.

Somehow, miraculously, I decided on a solid topic and the speech came together. BF David listened to me run through it several times and showed near-supernatural amounts of support and encouragement.

"You're an expert," he urged me on.

I didn't think experts were allowed to question themselves and their knowledge, but I couldn't help it. However, as I finetuned my presentation, I grew more confident and started believing I had something worthwhile to say, that I could really help men by offering my perspective.

It wasn't until I walked into the convention hall that I really believed I could do it. By the time I got up on stage, I didn't need to fake my poise and self-assurance; it was a genuine part of me.

I guess I wanted to say all of the above to let people know that even though I was perfectly at ease during my presentation and with at the conference itself, there were some bumpy, unsure moments leading up to it. I would have never been able to do it if the men I mentioned didn't believe in me enough to invite me to Montreal, get me there, and help me prepare along the way and I am extremely grateful to Cliff, PUA Logan, and BF David.

What I went through is not unlike what a lot of men go through when it comes to dating. You might look at soemone who's a supposed natural with the opposite sex and think they never doubt themselves, that their self-esteem never suffers. But in every case, that confidence came from some kind of personal success or external support. And I think that's the role I want to provide men in the pickup community: a source of support and reassurance, until it's replaced with direct success and self-assurance.

It's amazing what we can accomplish when others believe in us. Before long, we start believing in ourselves just as strongly.

12 comments:

Horse said...

Project Manhattan...

Sounds like it's going to be The Bomb.

Anonymous said...

Hi Dolly,

Thanks for allowing anonymous blogging again. I know sometimes people can be rude and obnoxious when they are anonymous, but I know you can stand up to them!
I don't know anything about the seduction community, so I might be way off base here in judging them, but my question is: Do you ever feel like "the traitor" in a sense, teaching men how to get women to sleep with them? I guess I thought that the main objective for these guys was to get a woman in bed- not necessarily a relationship. Is this true? And if it is, then wouldn't you be doing men (and women, for that matter) a greater service by teaching them not only how to meet women, but treat them right? I'm not knocking you, just trying to understand the whole concept.

Dolly said...

Horse,
I knew somebody was going to go there.

Anonymous,
Your questions are excellent. So good, that they deserve a post of their own addressing them...

Redshirt said...

Anonymous, this is my own personal takeaway from Cliff's Convention.

AFC - wants a girl so he can get what he wants

mPUA - gets girls because he has/gives them what they want

I think that the master PUA's were all about creating win/win relationships. Granted some of them are thinking one night, but others are thinking longer term. Nonethless, they're coming from the heart.

Anonymous said...

*hugs* :)

~~Affection

injaku said...

I am very interested in reading what you had to say. So will you post a transcript of your speech or are oblications, such as exclusive right belonging to CN or inclusion in your book, preventing you.

Anonymous said...

We need your perspective – who knew that helping a woman with her coat still has meaning in a 21st century world?

Thank you, dear. Thank you so much.


Silver

PS Hang on to BF David – he sounds like a keeper.

Dare said...

Wow! I wish I could have heard your speech at Cliff's List.

I'm shocked at your ability to just bare your soul to your blog.

Whether you're nervous, unconfident, or whatever emotions happen to be running through the raging currents known as "The Truth About Cocks and Dolls," you have a knack of exposing what you really feel underneath it all.

I suppose we'd say you express personality well? ;)

Now I feel like everyone's met you except me ;D

coasta said...

belief is what separates winners from everyone else when it comes to ANYTHING in life.

whether it be women, money, success, career, health, friends, lifestyle, or whatever.....those who believe it can happen or will happen or is happening, are the ones for whom it does happen.

belief and trust in oneself is EVERTHING. belief overcomes all weaknesses and failures.

btw dolls. I checked out the latest list of who's speaking....and most of the guys i know and close friends did not end up attending. ergoe, i know very few dudes there. crap, i feel loserish. :) Interested to hear what woodhaven is like...as he is from my old town in the states....boston.

Ghettobob said...

Nice post. I think we need more women in the community teaching guys, but above all helping them in trusting that it really isn't a big deal to talk to women. Only a woman can make them *really* get that.

Thats why I think you chose the perfect subject at cliffs list (it was about approaching women right?) and why I asked that question about the hitch qoute in my interview.

GB

Betty on the Beach said...

Sooo proud of you Dolly! Congrats on your convention success! Can't wait to hear the details!

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