Telecom Tom sent the following email yesterday:
Hey Dolly, I really enjoyed meeting you on Wednesday. I was not expecting to talk with you for 3 hours, and I know it could have easily been 4. Strangely, I don't think we had that spark, though.I don't know why, since you are smart, fun, and adorable. It's a mystery. Anyway, thanks for taking the time to drink and talk with me on a cold winter night, and have a great time in [country I'm visiting next month].
Which clearly means Tom was not looking for a female version of himself to go out with.
It's never fun to get emails like that, but truth be told, I was a bit underwhelmed myself. However, I would have considered a second date to see if any chemistry would develop, because sometimes these things don't happen right away. When I first met Ex David, I wasn't attracted to him initially, and had we chatted for a mere hour or two, would have remained uninterested. However, some time into the fourth or fifth hour of conversation, I realized a spark was building. That doesn't mean it would have gone the same way with Tom, though, and I respect his decision not to take things further.
My other date was fairly fun, but less-than-spectacular. He showed up twenty minutes late, with no apology or excuse, was in jeans and sneakers (I don't mind casual, but a little effort is nice), did not offer to buy me even one drink, and I did not find him at all physically attractive. The conversation was fine, but I didn't want to kiss him, or even befriend him, so it's not going to go anywhere.
I was saying the other day that online dating has never produced long-term positive results for me, so I don't know why I expect it might this time. Actually, I don't. I went back online to get my mind off of Barman Ben, and it worked. The problem is, once I begin the cycle of dating, I can't help but hope that it will lead somewhere. The false starts have a way of wearing away the optimism a bit. Only a little, though.
If this week has affirmed anything, it's that I am much happier when focusing on outings with friends or my own interests/projects. When I'm out with Willow or Polly or Podcast Penny or any of my other friends, I don't need to meet a guy in order for it to be a fun night; I inherently enjoy their company and the mini-adventures we have. Neither my heart nor my ego is at risk for being bruised (provided I avoid Cozy Bar). I would quite like things to stay that way, at least a little longer.
I'm not going to make a general statement, the way I have in the past, of whether I am taking a break from dating, or getting back out there, or whatever. I'm still cautious, but still optimistic. The magic will happen when it will, not when I want it to.
Luckily, there's a hell of a lot for me to be pleased with in the meantime. Now it's time for me to make myself look fabulous for my night out with Willow...