Tuesday, February 13, 2007


It starts with a rash. Bits of red everywhere: in drugstores, in storefronts, in coffee shops and restaurants. Here it comes again: the parade of roses, crimson hearts, cloying plush animals, glistening boxes of candy, and those damn chubby cupids pointing their arrows in every direction but yours. Pain and irritation are sure to follow. Once again corporate America has conspired to remind you that on this day in mid-February, you are alone.

What if you're (un?)fortunate enough not to be alone? Then this is the day you must assess your togetherness to just the right degree, via edibles and gifts (or even edible gifts, if that's your thing). Whether it's love, like, or lust, be sure to get it right, or you'll risk joining the ranks of those poor suckers who have to navigate the bloody rivers of Valentine's Day in a single-person kayak.

Oh, wait. I'm one of those poor suckers.

I was starting to brew up some really good Valentine's Day angst; part annoyance, part anger, part melancholy. I was getting some fierce emotional bile building. Then it went away.

The thing is, I don't feel like letting V-Day get me down this year. I don't want those pre-printed Hallmark sentiments or heart-shaped boxes to have any power over me. Yes, I do feel a sting every time I see a women with a bouquet of flowers (I don't know why it's always the flower thing that gets me). Yes, I'm irritated that my last three relationships ran their course during the non-Valentine's Day part of the year, which will make it the fifth year in a row that I'm single on this sadistic holiday.

So f-in' what?

One of my worst Valentine's Days went down when I had a boyfriend. One of my best was spent entirely on my own.

It's just another day.

I thought of taking a personal day, to avoid all the lovey-dovey propaganda and enjoy some me-time (no, not that kind of me-time). Instead, Willow and I are going to meet downtown and take advantage of the various V-Day drink specials on offer. Perhaps I'll send a smutty drunken text or two as well. That's it.

It's tempting to use this day as a point of contemplation, to take stock and assess one's personal State of the Romantic Nation. I advise against it. The best way to survive the potential pressures of V-Day is to remain indifferent to them. I refuse to let this day be an excuse to whine and mope about being single. At this moment in time, I'm actually quite happy being single. And if I start to feel otherwise at any point during tomorrow night's outing, there will be plenty of tequila readily available.

I don't know about you, but I'm ready for the big V tomorrow. Let Cupid and Co. do his worst.


Vicious said...

Happy Valentine's Day...

I love you Dolly.


ben said...

aww, poor dolly, here's a valentines day card from me:

clarissa said...

one of the most meaningful gifts i ever got for valentines day also came out of the most dysfunctional thing i've ever been involved in...in general i've always seen vd, not unlike new years, as an event for amateurs, you know? like, trying to make up for all the inspiration the rest of the year is missing

"I am the Desert Queen!" bwah ha ha ha said...

I got some single girl flowers from a male friend, who didn't even expect to get any - and didn't.

First time comment btw. I've been reading your blog for ages, particulary the seduction stuff. We get that garbage in Australia too - damn internet.

ITotem said...

My college used to rename Valentine's Day as Vagina Day. I guess even school officials understood that it was the perfect day to campaign promiscuous students to practice safe sex.

So ever since then, I can only think of 2 people going out on V-Day:
1. People in a relationship - they are getting laid
2. People desperate and sad - they are waiting to pickup/get picked up to get laid

So Happy V-Day everyone!

Dolly said...

Happy V-Day to you, too!

You're not a barman by any chance?

An event for amateurs, I like that. We'll add to to NYE and St. Patrick's Day.

Desert Queen,
Yes, the seduction stuff really has been spreading far and wide. Not unlike a virus...

Give me a break, my friend and I aren't going out to get picked up. I hate it when men see this as a day to be especially predatory. I'm not any more likely to hook with a guy today than any other night. Not every single woman is desperate/sad on Valentine's Day. At least not this one. You should know better than to post such a lame blanket statement on this blog of all places.

ITotem said...


I really didn't mean to imply you were going out to get picked up or that you were desperate at all. I guess I forgot to add a smiley face in my previous comment.

I wanted to share a fun little anecdote and I thought you'd find some humor in that interpretation of V-Day.

Oh well, it really doesn't matter. Have a blast out with your girls whether you meet men ornot :)

Dolly said...

I guess emoticons do have their uses. Didn't mean to jump down your throat like that. Have a good V-day, whatever/whomever you end up doing!

ruuude said...

Hope you had/are having a good one, Dolly.

Anonymous said...

Isn't it funny how Valentines Day can be really irritating and/or stressful to us and most men (single and in realtionships) don't even notice it? My office mates husband told her he thought it was yesterday when she gave him a card this morning.

I agree-- time to take a page from the boys' book!

Anonymous said...

Men dread Valentine's Day because it so often becomes emotional extortion on the scale of "Do these pants make me look fat?"

If we forget/ignore it we're heartless. If we do something it will be analyzed and dissected, compared and contrasted, and even if the evening appeared to have gone swimmingly, some aspect of it is nearly always found wanting. The deficiency will be flung in our faces, usually during a fight many moons after we thought we had somehow slipped by.

Of course no one reading this blog would ever stoop to such behavior, but plenty of your sisters have.

A pox on the whole thing.


Anonymous said...

Поздравляю с днем св. Валентухаса!

Dolly said...

Anonymous 3:33,
In English, please?

Vicious said...

"I congratulate with the day SV of valentukhasa!"

Not my translation, thank babelfish. Where's my Russian friend when I need him?


Johnny said...

Hey Dolly, I don't know another way to reach you directly, but I'd be honored and delighted if you'd make the the time to attend the seminar I'm holding for the NYCLair this Sunday?

Get back to me if you've any interest -

Johnny Soporno


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