Sunday, February 25, 2007

Eye-opening (Saturday Night, Part One)

I spent yesterday in a nervous haze, knowing it was a matter of hours before I'd see Ben in his play.

Polly, Willow, and I met in a bar across the street from the theater, where I sipped some wine and tried to calm down. I could barely speak, I was in such a strange, unbalanced state. Part of me hoped that the moment I saw Ben on stage, he'd become a real person again, not a star in one of my mental movies, and my feelings for him would dissipate. I hoped he wouldn't be as good-looking as I remembered, or as charismatic and intruiging.

We were in the fourth row. The lights dimmed, and there he was.

A while later, he was naked. On stage. Naked Barman Ben.

I thought I was going to have heart failure.

In my fantasies of Ben, things never go beyond kissing. That's about as much as I would ever hope for, as much as I could handle.

Seeing him naked, even in a theatrical context, sent me into system overload. I could barely pay attention to the dialogue, or anything else going on. I was also trying not to stare, on the off-chance that he saw me in the audience and caught me checking out his package. Ben's in good shape and has a decent body, but I was pleased to see that he wasn't super-buff. I need him to have imperfections and don't want him to be flawless.

There was something about seeing him without clothes that bothered me. It was the same feeling I get when I sleep with a guy too soon; a sense of regret, not at the act itself, but at the loss of mystery. I also felt very shy looking at his body, which isn't the way I would have been with any other male actor on that stage.

I don't know if Ben saw me. It's a pretty small theater, the audience was partially lit for some of the scenes, and I have bright blonde hair (the lead singer of Glam Band has told me several times that he can always spot me in the crowd when he's singing, and I don't even stand near the front at their concerts). I think I caught his eye once, but it's hard to tell, because he was in character.

Speaking of which, he is quite a good actor (great, as if I needed another reason to like him). Objectively speaking, he was easily the best part of the play, which was good overall, but a bit uneven and self-indulgent. Ben, however, gave his character layers, endearing nuances and, overall, it was still the Ben I know from Cozy Bar. If the play did anything, it reminded me why I found him so damn alluring in the first place.

After the show, I was a bit shell-shocked. I think we all were. The ticker-tape in my head repeated the same words over and over:

I just saw Barman Ben naked. Naked Barman Ben. Naked.

We waited outside the theater for a while, but fifteen minutes passed and that seemed like the cut-off mark before it would have been stalker-ish, so we left. I didn't mind not getting the chance to talk to him, because I was a bit stunned and speechless and might not have had much to say, anyway.

Besides, something even better happened later that night, at Cozy Bar. Something that not only revealed Ben as far from flawless (and not in a good way), but has also given me great ammo on how to attract him.

To be continued...


Vicious said...

Jesus Christ, a nude play? Exactly how good do fourtysomething guys look?

Also, why would you need "ammo" to attract him? I thought it was a forgone conclusion that "getting" him would be easy.


Auntie Mom said...

Dying for part two...don't leave me hanging! :)

Dolly said...

It's not a nude play, it's a play that has some nudity. Most of the scenes involve clothed actors. And you would never guess this guy is in his forties, he looks ten years younger. Besides, have you seen George Cloony recently? That's how good fortysomething guys can look.

If it wasn't for the Oscars, I would have written it as one post. And since I'm on the subject, did you see George Cloony at the Oscars? Holy mother of God did he look amazing. I think all I could say for ten minutes was "wow."

Anonymous said...

Great cliffhanger!

Anonymous said...

So how big is Ben's dick?

Come on. Cough it up.

—Size Queen

Damsel Underdressed said...

Oh my God! I think I almost had heart failure right along with you! You described how you felt perfectly because I can imagine I would have felt EXACTLY the same way.

Well, girlfriend, consider yourself lucky. You got to examine the goods beforehand. Don't you hate it when you really like a guy who has a great body and you're rounding third base only to discover...well, that it's a little small?

Anonymous said...


You have given away your secret - your kryptonite is BB's cock.

Or perhaps us guys should drop all the PUA bullshit and just walk around with our schlong hangin' out?!


Dolly said...

Size Queen,
I'm not going to give the measurements of Ben's cock. Sorry, but I have to keep a few details to myself.

I've experienced the size disappointment, but it has only ever bothered me in the context of a one night stand. Otherwise, I've been able to work with whatever size and shape was on offer, provided the guy knew what he was doing. As far as examining Ben's goods, I don't know how I feel about the context. He seemed pretty at ease up on stage, but I was embarrassed. Considering the Edith-Wharton-like snail pace of my crush and any developments, it seemed like too much too soon.

Realtor Rick said...

Saint wrote...
"Or perhaps us guys should drop all the PUA bullshit and just walk around with our schlong hangin' out?!"

Why don't you field test that strategy and let me know how it works! I'm not saying it won't work under certain circumstances.

RR out!

Aphexcoil said...

Why don't you field test that strategy and let me know how it works! I'm not saying it won't work under certain circumstances.

RR out!

Well, a version of that is called "chicken skinning" and I've done it on a few occasions while out with some friends and very drunk. I was only caught once but did it at least dozens of time.

Ps: If you don't know what chicken skinning is, then I'll briefly explain. You walk around the bar with one ball hanging out of your partially unzipped pants.

majortominor said...

Perhaps the more interesting question is. . . is he circumcised??

Tom said...

Interesting. I'd always imagined you were a brunette.

-- Tom