Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Babe in Toyland

Most people are surprised to learn that I have never owned a vibrator. There are several reasons for this.

1. I have heard stories that using a vibrator too much can desensitize the delicate area "down there." Men have enough trouble getting women off as it is, and I have an addictive personality to boot, so why risk it?

2. I didn't want to get used to a piece of machinery that might end up feeling better than the real thing (I mean, men can go at turbo speed, but only for so long).

3. The logistics of purchasing one were tricky. Buying online was risky, because I get all packages delivered to work and with my luck the vibrator would arrive on a day I was out sick and my boss was expecting an important delivery and opening all boxes that crossed my desk. Besides, I can't even buy shoes online for fear they won't fit right, much less something like this. As for getting one from one of the numerous sex shops downtown, even when I have peeked into the most women-friendly ones, I have always felt squirmy and spotlit and ended up backing away before some cheery employee could show me the latest clit stimulator, as if demonstrating something as innocuous as tupperware.

I admit, it's a little strange for someone who is so open about things like bondage and blowjobs and one night stands to be rather shy when it comes to vibrators. Hey, we all have our quirks.

Friday night, after dinner at an Italian restaurant in the West Village, BF David and I decided to see what one of the neighborhood's fine purveyors of kink had to offer.

The store had high ceilings, garish bright lighting, and even though there wasn't any dirt that I could see, there was something about the place that seemed rather stale and dated. Maybe it was the books on sexual positions that featured a man with Saturday Night Fever hair and a woman with (*gasp*) real breasts. Maybe it was the dusty tubes of penis-shaped lipsticks in frosty colors that were worn back in the days of shoulder pads. In a way, I found the retro, slightly shady atmosphere comforting. I didn't even mind when a young-but-weathered looking woman with scars from what looked like razor cuts on her exposed shoulders came over to me and started telling me about the various brands of butt plugs. I felt squirmy, but didn't back out of the store when another employee turned on a Pocket Rocket and waved it in front of me when I enquired to BF David, "why would anybody want a vibrator that small?"

Having BF David there made being in a sex shop fun instead of awkward. We laughed at the thongs for men. We cringed at the latex replica of a human fist.

"What do you think of that one?" he asked, pointing to a particularly well-endowed dildo.

"What about it?"

"I mean, do you think it's too big?"

"Depends on how long you'd be out of town."

The longer we were there, the more comfortable I felt to show my honest opinion toward the merchandise. I enthusiastically pointed out a vibrator with that could make for a promising future purchase. I scoffed at the limited variety of nipple clamps. I examined the fuzzyy handcuffs with great concentration, impressed by the range of colors and patterns but not the shoddy quality of the cuffs themselves.

I felt bold enough to take down one of the riding crops, to see how it felt in my hand.

"It's a little too big," I said, slapping it against the palm of my hand.

"Why not just get a bigger one?" The salesperson encouraged me.

I shook my head. "It's not the one I want." I hung up the riding crop and turned to BF David. "They need a better selection of riding crops here."

I ended up with a couple of new bedroom accessories which made for a very... stimulating long weekend. The toys weren't introduced to "spice things up" (rest assured, said things are plenty spicy as is), but to add a new dimension to our intimacy. And what do you know, it worked! BF David and I have been exchanging secret, sexy smiles ever since.

Shopping for sex toys with a significant other is something I highly recommend, especially if you are going to get to spend the following three nights in bed together.

Be sure to get extra condoms and baby wipes.


pookalu said...

hey. i do love toys in babeland!

i'd make a comment about my opinion on vibrators here, but i'm not gonna.

the first sex shop i visited while living in baltimore was quite an experience. this couple tried to give me pointers, and the woman was telling me how she likes to give oral to her partner with a certain lube. they both had shit-eating grins, and i noticed that the woman had her two front teeth missing.

i'll bet her partner loved getting oral from her!

StrangerInTheseParts said...

Speaking as a guy, I've had really good experiences at Babes in Toyland getting all kinds of info and advice about toys for women, etc. I agree going with someone makes it much more fun and easy.

The longer I read this blog, the more a mystery you become Dolly! So full of seeming contradictions. You are not really a libertine at all. I think if that had been clearer during your 'slutty' phase it would have made those posts even more interesting. That time in your life was quite a deviation from the norm, yes?

D said...

Those stores always have a strange latex-y smell that kinda makes me feel dirty (in a good way) yet somewhat creeped out at the same time. It's that odour that exists nowhere else in the world but in a sex toy story. Nonetheless, I like your thoughts here.

My personal experiences have been very different. I view those purchases as very private and secretive. I like to go alone and found it somewhat strange when I went with a boyfriend.

Good plan for not buying online though, you should always test your vibrator on the tip of your nose before purchasing to make sure it's not too... vigorous. I prefer a slow rhythm myself.

Dolly said...

I've only stopped by Babes in Toyland once, earlier this year, and did find that it had a more pleasant atmosphere than most sex shops. You'll have to share your opinion on vibrators at the next blogger gathering!

Interesting how my distaste of vibrators makes you believe I'm not a libertine. Can't a girl prefer the real thing instead? Besides, if you knew what I ended up purchasing, I doubt you'd believe me to be the slightest bit conservative...

I can understand how these types of stores would be a place to visit solo, I've heard that said before. Personally, my view of sex toys has been as something to use with a play mate, so it was a real treat to go to one of these places with my boyfriend. Besides, what am I going to do by myself with a pair of glow-in-the-dark forplay dice, anyway?

StrangerInTheseParts said...

Perhaps I'm not using libertine quite right....

I don't think you are conservative by any stretch of the imagination. But you are far more sensitive, romantic, idealistic, fussy etc etc than ever came through in your early posts.

You seemed like a hellion in the early posts. It was like you were free to do whatever you wanted, you were on the hunt for sensations and experiences. Feelings were very secondary. To the point that it wasn't clear you really had any interest in them. And it certainly never seemed like sentimentality, shyness, shame, or feeling awkward were even a blip on your radar. You seemed like a kind of (very smart and insightful) ruthless hunter.

What's emerged is that you are QUITE discerning, and full of things you do or don't do based on your sensitivities and awareness and empathy. You screen your wild experiences quite shrewdly and with a keen sense of who you are.

I used to be surprised that someone living such an aggressive (and risky) lifestyle could be as sharp an observer of herself as you are. Lately I feel the opposite - it's interesting that someone who is so keenly self-aware is such an adventure nut.

Constant Dater said...

Toys in Babeland is great! If you do by a vibrator, I'd advise to spring for silicon. Good sensation and it cleans up well. All good qualities for a friend you visit 5 to 10 times a week.

It's also fun to go sex toy shopping with your gay boyfriends after a few glasses of wine. Peruse the merch, flip through Sweet Action, whatevs.

Auntie Mom said...

1. Totally not true. It's a lie spread to keep the feminists down. No really, I don't know why it's told, but it's not true.

2. Is a simulator roller coaster the same as the real thing? Gives you the same sort of feeling but totally different experience. Also, no loving touches, kisses, hands everywhere, bites, etc. No way is a toy a replacement.


NotCarrie said...

I love the thought of the secret, sexy smiles. It's like having an inside joke but it's totally hott.

Dolly said...

The kind words are appreciated. I try to stay on the safe side of introspective without spilling over into navel-gazing. As for being an adventure nut, I think it's being more open to the opportunities that cross your path (saying yes more, etc.).

I think Toys in Babeland will be the next shop I patronize for naughty goodies. I can only imagine the things I'd buy after a few drinks. Can we say "sex swing?"

The part about desensitization may not be true, but it has been proven that masturbating a lot can make orgasms difficult with a partner because you get used to getting off in a specific way. Whether you use an electric aid or not, I can see the validity to this argument, logically and from personal experience. I do agree with point 2, though. Nothing will ever substitute the real thing.

Indeed, having an inside shared sexy moment is like an inside joke. It's a great way to flirt and feel closer to each other, too.

Auntie Mom said...

Really?? I have never heard of that, nor experienced that, but I can practically orgasm sitting on a running dryer. :P I didn't realize one could become particular about how it was done. If anything, I'd advocate toy use because you can find 101 ways to orgasm! I know I sound like I'm pitching here but I'm not. Anyway, glad to hear you've popped your toy cherry! :)

J said...

ok here's the dirt...

A woman can be a libertine, promiscuous, consuming, harsh, choosy, varietal, and free, and yes, a slut.

That same woman can also get into one guy and change her ways for the purpose of the deeper exploration.

I've been reading here and when she's free of attachments she gets that promiscuity.. when the boy showed up she switched.

The fact that dolly is mixing up the freeer elements of dating with a steady guy is healthy... good read.


Dynamic said...

(true story)
Was hammered at a bar, girl takes me home, I know I can't get it up, she says don't worry.

We get to her place and she asks me if I've ever used a cock ring before, I respond, honestly, "no" and she sayd it will fix me little *ahem* problem. She thne comes out and asks me if I want a plastic or steel one, and proceedes to show me her entire collection of cock rings! I felt like I was at a fucking tupperwear party, and she was trying to show off some of the best of her product line.

Needless to say I did not have sex with her, since I'm sure her vagina was rotten...

I don't know why I told you that story, but being sexually open is an awesome way of life. Respect, Dolly!

Dolly said...

Auntie Mom,
It's not true for everyone, but for some it can be tricky to relearn how to get an orgasm with a partner. People are such creatures of habit, which can apply to sex/masturbation. But hey, lucky you for being so easily stimulated!

I think everything you said about women can just as easily be applied to men. A guy could be a total player, but when the right woman captivates him, he'll do whatever it takes to be with her and change his slutty ways, too.

Having a large collection of cock rings doesn't automatically equate lots of promiscuous unsafe sex, but I could see how such a scenario would be intimidating.

Dick said...

Well, that's a relief. My mom wanted to know you got the post okay.

Ghettobob said...

Good comments strangerintheseparts, same goes for J and Dolly..

"I think everything you said about women can just as easily be applied to men. A guy could be a total player, but when the right woman captivates him, he'll do whatever it takes to be with her and change his slutty ways, too."

It's just that we don't usually see it of a women.

Vespertine said...

This is in response to your comment on my blog in re: B/c pills.

I`ve been on Micronor for about a month. Micronor is different than most pills because it`s progestin only. Most pills are a combination of estrogen/progestin. Unfortunately, combo pills make me flat out psychotic, and fat, so I just stay away. I`m actually on this progestin pill only temporarilly until my IUD comes in. The IUD is the best option for me because I don`t have to remember to take pills, and there is only a small amount of hormone (still just progestin) secreted locally. It`s also even more effective than the pill.

The IUD I`ll be using is called Mirena. It`s effective for 5 years. You can read up at www.mirena.com.

As a sidenote, the Mirena is NOT the same as the IUDs that caused all of the hubbub in the 1970s. It has not been shown to be linked to Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, which is what caused all of the infertility issues associated with the earlier versions of IUDs.


The only real side effect I`m noticing with the Micronor is that I am slightly more emotional-- something I can combat with a dose of Vitamin B6, and the endorphins from exercise, and (this one sucks) a decreased libido. Allegedly, when I switch to the IUD, my sex drive will come roaring back to its usual insatiable state....

I miss it. Sigh.