When I decided to mend my floozy ways a couple of months ago, I promised myself that I wouldn't rush into bed with a guy I really liked and that I when the sex stuff did go down, it would be in the context of a relationship. Lofty goals from somebody who, earlier in the year, was known to indulge in a slutty weekend or two.
When BF David and I started seeing each other, things quickly moved in the direction of a relationship, but I was determined not to potentially sabotage things by introducing sex too soon. All four dates we had before I left for Europe were sweet, romantic, and held in places where nudity was not (easily) possible.
David, as it turns out, also has a history of rushing the sex. This whole taking-time-to-really-get-to-know-a-person-before-getting-it-on thing was something neither of us had done in a long time. Being starved for some good old fashioned courtship, I enjoyed every second of the clothed time I spent with him.
Of course, there's only so long that two attractive people with raging hormones and budding feelings for each other can maintain such puritan behavior. Sooner or later the gloves (and pants) have to come off.
I prepared myself for the worst. I knew the first few times would most likely be full of fumbling, awkward moments. I knew it might take him a little while to get comfortable with bondage, spanking, etc. I also knew there was a chance (though I hoped above hope fate wouldn't be so cruel) that he wouldn't be all that well-endowed. I reasoned with myself that BF David was an amazing man and that if a small penis was "the catch" I wouldn't let that be a dealbreaker. I wouldn't let something like that get in the way when I was falling in love with him.
Anyway, I stayed true to my earlier promise to myself and exclusivity was established before BF David and I got naked. And hell, let's face it, I did breathe a sigh of relief when I saw there was no "catch", that if anything, I had a pretty impressive catch (if you know what I mean, and I think you do). Sure, there was some fumbling and awkwardness, but the strong chemistry we felt during the initial kisses and conversations prevailed.
The only thing better than orgasms is getting them from somebody you care about. There are times with BF David when thinking about my feelings for him is what pushes me over into Orgasm City (population: me!). It's been said countless times that sex is better with someone you care about, but I'd like to reiterate that point.
As for the feeling and caring, it may have been apparent that up to now a certain word has been absent from my posts about BF David (though several astute commenters have used it). He and I did a marvelous job of skirting the L-word. We were "crazy about" (or "nuts about") each other, we were "falling for" and "smitten with" each other, we even "thought the world of" each other.
I was waiting to say The Words to BF David because I wanted to make sure they wouldn't put an unnecessary pressure on the relationship too soon, but more so because I knew they would come out naturally. If it took a couple more weeks, or even months, for that right moment to come, I was okay with that.
Yesterday afternoon, while laying in bed recovering from sweaty fun, we were chattering away about various sexy topics and out of nowhere (but not really) he said it.
"I love you."
I was so surprised and so touched and absolutely flooded with all this emotion and I murmured, "I love you, too" and couldn't remember the last time I meant it so much.
After that exchange, things felt simultaneously lighter and more intense; I felt relief and elation that The Words had been said, and also more bonded to BF David.
I'm thrilled that this is a love thing and that we can be share that so openly with each other. And that's is actually reciprocated! It's a damn miracle, I'm telling you.
So yeah, I've been too busy hiding out in a big sex 'n' love cocoon to update the blog often, but I am going to make an effort to rectify that. An announcement of sorts is forthcoming, having to do with my return to the pick-up community. Just when I thought they couldn't, things are about to get even more interesting...