It's unnerving how quickly time goes by. I couldn't believe it when I realized that I have been dating both Arty Adam and TV Tyler for about a month now (the former a little under; the latter a little over). Together, they just about make the perfect man. Separately, there are things about both that give me pause. It's easier seeing these differences after another weekend in which I saw them consecutively.
Friday night, Arty Adam met me at my apartment so that we could head over to the sushi restaurant together. Except that he got to my place while I was still on the subway. I got a text from my roommate letting me know and started to mildly panic. I could just imagine him, sitting in the living room, looking for a way to pass the time and noticing the stack of Village Voices in the corner...
I apologized profusely for being late, quickly changed and freshened up my make-up, and we finally set off. Man, was I ready for some sake. Arty Adam was more than understanding about my tardiness. He's so mellow and relaxed about everything, I imagine it takes a lot to get him angry.
I was a little concerned the conversation might be a bit stilted, because the very thing that was most pressing in my life at the moment was the one thing I couldn't talk about. Luckily, we found plenty of other topics to discuss. In fact, all through dinner we kept up a consistant chatter. We never get on any deeply personal subjects, which can be nice, but we also end up having conversations that are friendly but not intense or passionate (if I were an English teacher, this is where I'd point out the foreshadowing).
We went back to his place for video games and more sake. We played for at least three hours straight. Three hours. Of video games and sake. Nothing but drinking and playing the game. Am I the only one who sees the problem with this?
If it was TV Tyler and me playing the game, we would have been lucky to have a half hour of uninterrupted game time before fiercely making out. Arty Adam and I had no physical contact all night, apart from our hug hello. He didn't put his arm around me or take my hand or try to kiss me. In general, he doesn't seem like much of a touchy-feely person. Maybe this is due to his shyness, but surely you can forego that with a woman you've already slept with!
Anyway, the only reason why we stopped playing is because my eyelids were getting heavy. He said I was more than welcome to spend the night and I took him up on the offer. We got ready for bed and he asked if I wanted any music. Thank goodness, because last time I kept waking up because of it. I said no thank you, I can't sleep well with music.
It was silent, it was dark, and we started kissing.
I might go to hell for this, but I couldn't help it. I started thinking of TV Tyler and how my whole body responds when he kisses me. It's nice, but not the same with Arty Adam.
He undressed me, got me off, I took a moment to rest, then I went down on him. I was hoping we'd have proper sex, but he came and then we fell asleep.
This is the thing about Arty Adam I have the most trouble with: he doesn't cuddle. I don't need a guy who's going to be wrapped around me all night, but a little spooning, a little body-on-body contact throughout the night is great (especially since it sometimes leads to more sex). This guy did not touch me at all. I could have tried to instigate a cuddle, but it didn't feel natural, so we slept on opposite sides of the bed.
I was hoping for morning sex when we woke up, but again, he gave no signals that he was up for it (pardon the pun, or don't). Yes, I probably wasn't giving out many signals, either, but come on, if you have a naked woman in your bed who gave you a blow job the previous night, would you really be questioning if she'll have sex with you? Also, it was frustrating me just how passive his behavior was (even though he claimed to be dominant!), so I wanted to see if he'd make a move, the way he did last time. I waited. And waited. Finally, at around 11:00am, I said I needed to start my day and got dressed. Alas, no handcuffs and no intercourse. What's a girl to do?
Plan that evening's date with TV Tyler, that's what. He and I were going to meet at local bar at 10:00pm. This gave me time to have dinner with my new friend Sophie and grab a quick drink with Mango and another PickUp101 instructor before meeting him. Later that night, TV Tyler called and asked if we could meet an hour later. Not a problem with me.
I'm actually glad we had the extra hour, because Sophie and I had the best time chatting with these guys. Mango and his business partner were so friendly, upbeat, and laid back. Any woman who would meet them would get a positive impression of the PUA community. They are great flirts and conversationalists and kept us smiling and laughing the whole time we were with them. Afterwards, Sophie (who had never met a pick-up artist before) and I felt energized and came away from the encounter with such a positive feeling. I wish I could have stayed out later with these guys and seen their students in action. I was also invited to an NYC lair meeting the next day and would have loved to attend, but had to pass because of a previous obligation. Next time, definitely.
The bar TV Tyler chose was a small Italian-themed place, with candlelight, festive-but-chilled-out music, and the kind of atmosphere where you can exhale and feel your stress disappate. Perfect. I got there first, ordered some prosecco, which tasted like heaven in a glass, and waited at a small table by the front windows.
TV Tyler was fifteen minutes late, but swept me up in such a passionate hug and kiss, time no longer mattered. He ordered some Italian liquor for us and we chatted. He had been drinking and I was tipsy, too, which made for some amusing moments as we took turns accidentally tipping our table (nothing spilled or broken). He was in a feisty mood and, much in the same way Polly's last date was injected with a certain chemistry by negging, a similar dynamic happened last night. TV Tyler had moments where he'd play the pseudo-bastard, I'd get pouty, he'd go back to being nice, and we'd resume our usual banter, but it would be revved up a notch. TV Tyler wasn't running any game on me, he's just extremely deadpan and his sarcasm comes out in infuriating-but-loveable ways. The thing is, I was negging him back, and he would pretend to get fed up with me and threaten me with a spanking (which he knows I'm a fan of). In fact, during the walk back to my place, he took his glove off a couple of times to give me a whack on the ass when I gave him lip. Rowr.
Back in my room, we started kissing and before the clothes came flying off, I went to take out my contacts and get some water. When I returned, TV Tyler was naked in bed. Mmm, hot naked man in my bed. Christmas came early and so did I. Actually, that's not true, it took me a while because I was buzzed. He wasn't able to at all because of his alcohol intake, but that's okay, because I knew he would later on, and probably more than once (I was right). I fell asleep in his arms.
Hang on, I want to say that again. I fell asleep in his arms. In fact, there wasn't a single moment while we slept when his arms weren't around me. I couldn't begin to find words to describe how good it felt. And that's just the spooning and cuddling. The sex is a whole other story. We woke up in the middle of the night and went at it, and then again in the morning.
There's this James song called, appropriately, "Laid" which has a line that goes,
She only comes when she's on top.
Well, I can come other ways, but when I'm with TV Tyler and on top, it's impossible for me not to come. The perfect way his body fits with mine in that position creates a veritable orgasm factory. Sometimes, I can't even keep track of when one is ending and the other is beginning. And just when I think it can't get any better, this morning he gave me one of the biggest orgasms of my life.
So yeah, the sex is pretty mind-blowing. In all honesty, though, I don't know that this will ever evolve into a real relationship. He still doesn't show much of a curiosity in my life, which bothers me. Also, his daughter, who he misses terribly, is always going to be his number one priority. Which is sweet and sad and something I understand, though I'm not sure if it's something I can deal with in the long term. I think we have some core incompatibilities, and even though our relationship is mostly physical at this point, once in a while I sense a glimmer of feeling that I've developed for him. I need to be careful.
It feels like I'm at a sort of crossroads, even though there's no need for me to be. I can let things continue to evolve with Arty Adam and TV Tyler. Deep down, my instincts tell me that the former and I are better off as friends, and any relationship the latter and I could have would be volatile. Neither of them (after a month!) have made any boyfriend noises, so I guess I'll just keep coasting.
As for that surprise, it came in the form of an email from the Editor-in-Chief of the Village Voice, Doug Simmons. He gave me his cell phone number and and urged me to call him. Whatever could he possibly want to talk about? Do you think maybe he wants to ask me out? Or set me up with Nick Sylvester?
44 comments:
whoaaa! doug simmons looks scary!
"Together, they just about make the perfect man. Separately, there are things about both that give me pause."
I know the feeling: there are lots of people about whom I think, "now if only there was somebody with all the best characteristics of these two people...", but, alas, there never is.
As for the not being physical thing, I can understand it for somebody with whom you haven't been intimate yet (I mean, I'd be like that with anyone with whom I wasn't extremely familliar), but one does wonder what is going on if he's like that once you've got to the naked-in-bed stage. A seriously long-term relationship without any cuddling would probably be quite painful.
And keep us up to date on what the editor of that magazine wants; that seems most intriuging ;-)
"if you have a naked woman in your bed who gave you a blow job the previous night, would you really be questioning if she'll have sex with you?" Dolly, you assume here that he WANTED to have sex but was too passive to do it. Considering that he already had sex with you once, this seems highly unlikely. The more likely case is that he didn't want to have intercourse with you and his passivity is just a sign of dwindling interest. I could be wrong. But from personal experience, I have found myself in this situation many times -- even as far as pretending to pass out and feign sleep just to avoid intercourse. Sounds terrible, but it's true. The desire just isn't the same after the first time.
Slinky,
I'm sure purposefully chose a photo where he looks a bit sinister.
Coatman,
Yeah, no cuddling whatsoever is a problem. I've been overwhelmed by cuddling before and had to pull away, but if it's not there at all after sex, it's like something's lacking.
Anonymous,
You have a point, maybe his passivity was a sign that his interest waned. Bear in mind, however, that this is the same guy who didn't kiss me until about eight hours into our first date (which was nine hours long). And even then, it was a mutual lean-in. But who knows, maybe he didn't want to yesterday morning. Maybe I've been spoiled by TV Tyler and other guys where I believe the first session is just a warm-up (esp. if it only includes oral).
A girl who is talented at being on top is a rare find.
~~Affection
Ahh, I think you should give Adam another shot.
He just sounds kinda timid, some people take awhile to know what the boundaries and rules are in relationships.
Especially in your situation where it's not quite clear what the deal is, it can be difficult to navigate. He's probably just being extra careful.
There seems to be a growing paranoïa about dates discovering anonymous blogs. Maybe you shouldn't go into so much detail in your post. I certainly skipped a couple lines in this last one.
It would be no fun without the details...
how many guys are you dating atm? 2 correct?
Logan,
Guess that makes me a rare girl. ;)
Anonymous 5:04,
I am willing to give Adam another chance, because I do enjoy spending time with him. I think I'll let him make the next move, though. And the lack of cuddling could be a killer.
Charlie and Coatman,
Usually this post would have been split up into two, one for each date, so I realize it's longer than usual. However, I'm with Coatman and I think the blog would lost something without the details, or if I made the men harder to identify.
Tadpoled,
Adam is actually a very cool guy, he's just more subdued than most of the men I see. He has moments where he surprises me and it still might be too soon to burn any bridges.
Psyneh,
I am seeing two men regularly, but also have the ocassional date or hook-up in between.
How efficient or powerful is game really when compared to good looks and professional status?
On the one hand, although you once made out with a PUA, you have not had sex with any of them. So, either (a) none of these other PUAs you've been hanging out with have been trying to use their skills on you (even though you are an 8 and are therefore hot) or (b) they have been trying to use their skills on you but it hasn't been working or (c) they have been trying to use their skills on you and it has been working but only very slowly. Is it (a) or (b) or (c)? And in either case, what is the reason?
On the other hand, you have been having lots of hot sex with two guys who have never studied game. And you also had sex with Boy Uma, even though he has not studied game and did not spend 4 to 10 hours in the Comfort Phase with you. And in all these cases, you mentioned how enamoured you were by their looks or their height or their penis size or their job (eg. architect) or some combination of those qualities.
Now, one of the ideas one hears in the Community over and over and over again (on the message boards and in the ebooks and CDs) is that good looks, height, penis size, and professional status play only a minor or limited role in attracting women, and that guys without looks and professional status but no game are no match for guys who have game but have little in the way of looks and professional status—in other words, that these things are LESS EFFICIENT attractors than game.
It seems to me that the sexual behavior you have chronicled in this blog serves as evidence that speaks quite strongly against that idea.
Lisa Leveridge once mentioned (in an article that I can't locate at this moment) that she had had several sexual relationships with male models before she met Strauss and she mentions how she got bored with them after a while because they had little in the way of personality. Her point seemed to be that, for women, personality is a more efficient sexual attractor than good looks. But, it seems to me that her behavior, like yours, confirms just the opposite. I mean just look at what she says: SHE HAD SEX WITH THEM AND GAVE THEM TLC EVEN THOUGH THEY HAD NO GAME AND NO PERSONALITY. Whereas look at all the trials and the torment she put Strauss through before she was willing to have sex with him. You've read the book. Look at all the hoops he had to jump through to get into that relationship. Look at the tightrope he had to walk. Look at how careful he had to be in order to not mess up his chances. Look at how long she made him wait. And he's one of the greatest MPUAs in the world and has personality oozing out of his pores! And then look at how much time and effort it took him to acquire all those skills. I'm sure those male models didn't have to drop their careers for two years in order to acquire their good looks (after all, that is their career).
After I read the Strauss book, I got really excited about studying game because it meant there is hope. Furthermore, I intend to keep studying game because I know it is effective. Nevertheless, I no longer buy the idea that game (inner or outer) is a more efficient or powerful attractor than good looks, height, and professional status.
@Anonymous:
the thing while good looking guys with nice jobs get laid isn't their look or their job. it's their self-esteem!!! naturals don't have to learn that stuff, they already know what's going on. but if you studied pick up techniques and you have tight game you can steal any set from naturals.
btw; dolly, MLTR ;-)
>I started thinking of TV
>Tyler and how my whole
>body responds when he
>kisses me. It's nice, but
>not the same with Arty
>Adam
So what does Tyler do that's better or different? Thanks.
Anon,
Game is a supplement to generally having your life together, not a substitute for it. I can't think of any materials I have read that suggest otherwise. Game is necessary because most of the time, having your life together and being good looking isn't enough to make sure women have an enjoyable time in your presence.
Larissa,
Tyler's great, but there's the emotional unavailability thing, which I'm noticing more. Not sure what Adam's deal is at this point.
Nuyawker,
Thanks for the blunt, but probably astute observations. I'm the one that actually suggested meeting Tyler later, because of other plans I had, but ultimately, yeah, I think the connection is more physical than anything else. And if Adam doesn't start asserting what he wants, we probably won't go anywhere.
Anonymous 7:14,
Here's why I haven't slept with any PUAs. When I have sex with a guy, usually it's going to be a one night thing, or what I hope will be part of a relationship (and yes, I realize I need to start waiting longer to hop into bed). I haven't met any PUAs that I could see myself having a relationship with. The ones that I like enough to be friends with I want to keep as friends and don't want to turn any into fuck buddies, even the ones I find attractive. You have to remember that it's not all about looks or status or intelligence or what kind of game a guy is running, but that there's a big x-factor when it comes to chemistry and connecting with a person. While I have found physical chemistry, it's been a while since I met someone I had a really powerful connection with that I really believed could lead somewhere, PUA or not. Besides, what's wrong with me liking guys who have natural game?
Slinky,
What about MLTRs?
Anonymous 9:03,
Tyler is more assertive than Adam. He knows how to take control of a situation when it's called for and seems more passionate, even though he's also closed up emotionally. Other than that, it really comes down to the fact that I have really strong chemistry with Tyler. It's not about what he does as much as a hormonal thing. When I see him, it's really hard for me to keep my hands off him.
Stretch,
Exactly, thanks for reiterating that. People are starting to give me flack for being around all these PUAs and not dating any of them. The thing is, non-PUAs can be damn charming, too, so why is it a big deal if those are the guys I go out with? Jeez.
Heyyy Dolly,
Nice to hear that you've met up with the PU101 guys. Mango is a great dude and I'm glad you had fun.
Still reading your blog with interest. It certainly gives a unique perspective on ``the game'' and I'm quite fascinated by your adventures. You're quite the author. Cheers!
Greetings from CA,
--Tonic
Dolly, perhaps Adam has other male/female interests, as do you, that are tiring him out.
Sounds like all he wants to do is chill with you when you want to get physical.
Or, as another commenter suggested, not everyone is as interested.
However abhorrent that sounds to me, it takes all sorts......
Hey, I have a good idea! Someone should put a price on Dolly's pussy! $10,000 to the first (unnatural) PUA who gets Dolly to put out! According to PU Theory, it should be possible despite what she says about wanting to keep things platonic with us. Unfortunately, I don't have that kind of cash. So, it would have to come from someone else. There ought to be some NY PUA's whose game is tight enough get her into bed. After all, we all know how horny she is and how she loves sex with a capital L.
Why would the PUAs want to have sex with Dolly? They want her to be their ally and pivot, not mess with their friendship. Besides, they have all the choices they want, or so it seems.
It's like in that Poker flick "Rounder", when Matt Damon says something like : "Two sharks wont devour each other when there's plenty of rookies on the table. They will team up to rip them all apart."
Tonic,
Mango passed on your greetings. I'm hoping to visit a friend in San Fran later this year, so who knows, maybe I'll get to meet you, too.
Anonymous 12:02,
You're right, Adam might just be looking to spend time with me in a low key way. The thing is, he is also *very* shy. And we do end up fooling around, it just takes hours and hours before he makes a move, and he isn't touchy-feely at all before that. I'm not going to analyze it, I'll just see what happens. If he prefers to keep things platonic, that will be fine with me.
Pawlr,
Once again, I'm not interested in MLTRs. If I'm going to get involved with someone emotionally as well as physically, I want there to be a monogamous commitment. Since that is not on the cards for me right now, I'm having fun, but ultimately one LTR is what I want.
Anonymous 12:41,
Not funny.
Charlie Brown,
Exactly. Thanks for coming to my defense. I'd rather not be a PUA conquest.
$10K? Hmmmm... ;)
~~Affection
Dolly -
Just started reading your blog last week. SO NICE to hear about this weekend in contrast to "my slutty weekend, parts 1 and 2". I loved those posts - hot, sexy, dramatic. But I couldn't tell if there was a person in there with feelings or who is thinking. You came off as kind of manic - drunk on your own powers of seduction.
Reading this weekends post really brings out the full 3-D picture of a much more trustable and likeable person!
FWIW, and obviously there isn't enough info in the blog to really make a call, but my antenna say that TV Tyler has got a lot to say about you if/when you get verbally intimate with each other. He sounds way to over-self-controlled, and behind all that 'emotional unavailability' I think he's brewing some potent expectations and attitudes about you .
If you try to go foward with him, expect the waters to get deep quickly and to be infested with, if not sharks, at least piranha. Or the opposite - he'll bail out on you very abruptly.
No! Don't date one of the PUA's! Then you might not openly blog about your love life any more! ;-)
TV Tyler and Arty Adam remind me of Mr. Wycombe and Mr. D'Arcy in Pride and Prejudice respectively.
And, for the record, you do not come accross as in the least manic, nor have you ever done.
TV Tyler and Arty Adam remind me of two typical, boring guys that are going to run their course very soon.
" Christmas came early and so did I. Actually, that's not true, it took me a while because I was buzzed."
I need warnings for lines that will make me laugh while at work!;)
I'm glad TVTyler at least had some moves but the lack of interest in your life is no fun. Why can't they morph into one?!
Logan,
Be nice or I'm keeping the scarf. ;P
Streetfair,
As more people read this thing, it becomes a bit more challenging to show my vulnerable side, but yes, it's there. Believe it or not, I'm starting to burn out on all the casual hook-ups. I think you're probably right about Tyler, though I can't help being optimistic that there's potential for something good if he would only let his guard down enough to feel something. I wouldn't be surprised if both of them faded from my life.
Stretch,
I don't date people based on their PUA status, though it might be tougher to blog about my love life when I get into a serious relationship.
Coatman,
Interesting, because I would almost have them the other way around. Arty Adam is the one who is so mild-mannered, I would almost expect him to harbor some dark secret. TV Tyler, on the other hand, is upfront about his cynicism and disdain, but I can sense this truly kind and warm person deep down. Who the hell knows, maybe Tyler is Bingley and will find his Charlotte while my Darcy is still out there, somewhere, probably stuck on the subway.
Anonymous 2:30,
If you think they are boring and typical, then I have done a poor job of describing them, because both have a lot of positive traits and are lovely to be with. I would not have continued to see them this long otherwise.
NotCarrie,
I know, right? I guess in some ways I should be glad that neither is asking me to be exclusive.
I'm lucky enough to be one of the PUAs whose gotten a chance to hang with Dolly. While she's beautiful and sargeable, a girl who's consciously into winging is a rarity, and makes an awesome friend.
That's what I wanted from meeting her; to befriend her. And that's what I got.
Love ya, Dolly!
>That's what I wanted from meeting >her; to befriend her.
Dude, what friendship stack did you run? Did you employ DLV? Calibrate!
Hi! You can research some of my friendship stacking material by perusing the comments sections of Dolly's blog here. Otherwise, you're gonna have to wait until I publish my ebook and get my"friendship stack" routine patented.
Hugs and Kisses, RL
Fuck, nice AMOG man.
Dolly said
I guess in some ways I should be glad that neither is asking me to be exclusive.
I think that is very true! I don't think the current convention of treating every dating situation like a mini-marriage/mini-divorce is in anyone's best interests.
For more on this point of view I very much recommend Miss Manners Guide for the Turn of the Millennium Chapter 7 on Courtship and Romance in which she advocates that the time to "dash from one person to another, reveling in the wicked pleasures of infinite possiblity" is while you are young.
She has an excellent section on the one-night stand which she says is "characterized by the time limit stated and by it's lack of obligations." Also check the sections on multiple beaux, rivals, social promiscuity, stages of courtship, polite rejection, avoiding the postmortem and recovering from rejection.
Amazon has used copies available starting at a penny!
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/067172228X/sr=8-5/qid=1141683756/ref=pd_bbs_5/102-0431149-4161739?%5Fencoding=UTF8
Nice. I'm not one of the girls with a talent for being on top. In fact, I'm awful. Any tips?
"I haven't met any PUAs that I could see myself having a relationship with. The ones that I like enough to be friends with I want to keep as friends and don't want to turn any into fuck buddies, even the ones I find attractive."
OUCH. Yo, anonymous (7:14 AM), looks like the answer to your question is (b). Clear cut. The above quote is one hell of a neg on their skills. She's just publicly LJBFed every NY PUA she's ever met. In just 2 sentences, she reduced all of you to a bunch of orbiters in the friendship zone. Ha Haaaa. Thought you NY guys had game.
Come out to Vegas or LA and meet some real PUAs, Dolly. We'll show you how it's done. A1 to S3 in 4 to 10. Given how high her drive is, he'd make a perfect target for a friendly little competition.
oops. I meant to write "she'd make a perfect target for a friendly little competition."
Becca,
Dashing from one person to another is only fun for so long. I wouldn't mind easing up on the dashing, to be honest.
Anonymous 5:47,
When you're on top, the guy tends to want the woman to go up and down, while it feels better for us to go back and forth. They also tend to like a faster pace than we do. See if you can find a rhythm and position that satisfies both parties. Also, pay attention to what he responds to. I've been with men that prefer it when I sit up all the way (this gives them access to your breasts) and others that like it when I'm leaning over (this makes it possible to make out during the act). The nice thing about being on top is that you have more control to get yourself off before doing whatever needs to be done to get him off. Oh, and don't forget to do your kegels! I'm sure you'll get better at it being on top with practice (and with the right partner; it's not comortable in that position with all guys).
anonymous 7:39, to be honest i doubt you have game either, since being a true PUA also means respecting women as more than sex objects with 'high drives'.
If a girl isn't emotionally attracted to you, chances are she isn't going to fuck you, certainly not if she's looking for 'the one' and you've told her even before the approach that you're just out to conquer. PU shouldn't be something where you wake up next morning and tell the girl next to you "surprise! I'm a frog! sure fooled you haha" but an activity both parties take mutual pleasure out of, or it just won't work.
What is it with all these self-proclaimed PUAs overloading on the cocky and going weak on the funny anyhow?
btw, there're few things in life sexier than letting the girl take control every once in a while.
Cheers,
Rich,
Thank you.
You show them who the real AMOG is!
nah, I'm all natural babe ;)
btw, thanks for your help, she turned out to be completely different than i thought, but still majorly sassy, and langorously kissable :D
It was great meeting you on Saturday night, Sean and I enjoyed the company. It's women like you who make the "game" fun and enjoyable.
It's too bad we had to part ways. We'll definitely look you up when we're back in NYC.
Have a great week.
Dare,
Mango has photos, so you can decide for yourself.
Mango,
You better! ;)
I had a smile on my face the whole time reading this. i loved this post. Ahhhh...
If you'd like an alternative to randomly approaching girls and trying to find out the right thing to do...
If you'd prefer to have women chase YOU, instead of spending your nights prowling around in crowded pubs and night clubs...
Then I encourage you to watch this short video to unveil a weird secret that might get you your very own harem of attractive women just 24 hours from now:
FACEBOOK SEDUCTION SYSTEM!!!
Post a Comment