I think I'm tired of dating. I need a break. Once upon a time, I was friends with guys before they became my boyfriend. I hate it how in New York, you're either dating or you're not, no in between. I finally have some guy friends that aren't ex-boyfriends or gay (or both; I still have my suspicions...) and it's comforting to see that we're in the same boat. Everyone is trying to make a connection. Those who are paired up don't usually realize how tough it is for us to find somebody. Sure, there are lots of choices, but so very few right ones.
I don't think it's going to go anywhere with Arty Adam or TV Tyler. I got an email from the former a couple of days ago. One line, very neutral. No word from the latter in a week now, since we last saw each other. My instincts are telling me to move on.
I got an email earlier this week, from a guy who found my blog via the Village Voice. He suggested meeting up for coffee. Two things made me say yes: 1. When I saw his picture, the first thing I thought of was Cary Elwes' character from The Princess Bride (which is why he will be known as Wesley from now on). In other words, he was super-cute. 2. He sent me the link to his Flikr page and one of the pictures he uploaded was my favorite drawing by one of my favorite contemporary artists.
Wesley and I met for brunch today. He was already at the cafe when I arrived and was reading a novel by one of my favorite writers. It almost felt too coincidental. The coffee was amazing and conversation pretty good, too. Wesley is so easy to open up to. He seems a little shy and he seems to be in a place where he's working things out and trying to find outlets for his ideas. I can relate. I feel like we got to touch upon a topic or two which I rarely discuss with people. I was extremely hungover and concerned that I would be a little out of it, but Wesley was fighting a cold, so we had a level playing field. I wasn't at my best, but I had a great time. I like this whole non-date-with-an-attractive-man thing. It takes the pressure off. I hope Wesley wants to meet up again (um, I haven't actually told him as much, but he reads this blog, so he probably now knows).
It looks like I might have officially reached dating burnout. Not just dating, but the whole making-out-with-a-guy-in-a-bar/casual sex thing. I have finally gotten to the point where meeting people is easy, where I know I can attract men, but I have no more energy for this numbers game. Being 'on' all the time is draining. Which means I have to make an important decision. Either I continue the Rotation, or I stop. Except that it's not much of a choice. I have already started slowing things down. I don't expect to see TV Tyler or Arty Adam again. I'm feeling less extroverted and don't feel a desire to strike up conversations with people I don't know. A cute guy tried to flirt with me while I was out tonight and I smiled and walked away from him. I can't do this anymore.
Is it exhaustion? Is it depression? Is it a newly-found patience? Is it the fallout from too much partying? Is it a temporary introversion? Probably a mix of all of the above.
Time for bed...