Friday, March 03, 2006

More drama

Just when I wanted to leave this Village Voice debacle behind and write about more interesting things--namely, my love life-- Gawker posted my pitch to Doug Simmons.

If you read my full email, you'll see that my idea was to write an article listing ways in which a woman could spot a pick-up artist. If the tone seems a bit negative, it's because my experience with PUA Dave left me feeling a bit uneasy, and I felt that women should be armed with the knowledge I had to catch these guys out. This is before I met Logan or PUA Mr. Right or Rebel Leader or communicated with any of the cool pick-up artists that have since given me a positive impression of the scene. The thing is, I went on to blog about a lot of these techniques, anyway, like peacocking, but ended up realizing that most of these guys create positive and fun experiences for women. Very unlike the ultimately shady encounter I had with PUA Dave.

Speaking of PUA Dave, I received a handwritten note from him at work, the other day (I had given him my business card). It said:

I apologize for lying to you.

Apology accepted, Dave, though I still hope to avoid any future social situations with you. Sorry, but you made me very uncomfortable.

Anyway, yes, I think The Village Voice stole my idea, and Doug Simmons is a liar for claiming I never pitched him the story, and at the very least somebody should have called me to make sure I didn't make up the whole PUA encounter (isn't there something called fact-checking?), but that's all I want to say about it for now. And no, I will not give any interviews where I have to reveal my real name.

Now can I talk about the latest in my dating world? Yes? Yes.

I had a date with Clive Owenish on Wednesday. In person, he was hot, and looked so much like Clive Owen I couldn't believe it. I wanted to put a tux on this guy and act out all my Croupier fantasies. Instead we went to dinner.

We weren't through the appetizer before he started talking about his divorce. Very bitterly. Oh boy. Wife cheated on him with friend, horrible, horrible circumstances. He's been divorced less than six months, so the bad feelings are justified, but must they be brought up over a lovely dinner, while on a date? Did I sigh yet? Sigh.

Apart from being on the rebound and harboring such resentment from the divorce, he was an intelligent guy. At one point in the conversation he said,

"My father had a secret life, and had a girlfriend while married. My wife had a secret life. Why does everyone feel the need to have a secret life??"

Oh dear.

That's when I really knew there would be no second date.

However, there will be a third date, with Arty Adam, tonight! It will be so great to spend an evening with a man whose company I know I enjoy. The tricky thing will be when he asks how my week has been. I wish I could answer,

"Well, I've become peripherally involved in a newspaper scandal that's now getting nationwide coverage, but other than that, same old same old."

Yet something tells me I'll have to stick to talking about my busy week at work.

Busy indeed.


Larissa said...

Ugh TMI on first dates equals no fun. Little did he know about his date's 'secret blogging life!' Hope you have a relaxing weekend girlie, sounds like you deserve it.

Sarah said...

Dude. You're famous! Anonymously, of course. Nuts.

pawlr said...

He's "Bo-o-o-o-ring," as my Mom likes to say.

tadpoled said...

It's time for the fridance...

I'm going to show you how to get your shine on. Turn it up the DJ playing my song. Everybody keep on calling my phone.

Dolly said...

Larissa, Sarah, and Pawler,
I think Tadpoled has the right idea and we all need to Fridance. If you need me, I'll be doing the robot at my desk...

Rebel Leader said...

Hey Dollface,

I know we already chatted about this, but your current situation with the village voice makes it all the more profound. You share a similar, ironic predicament as many PUAs. You have this cool thing you spend time and energy developing on the one hand. And, on the other hand you feel compelled to hide it from your love interests, who are the people that should most know the cool things that you spend time and energy on.

It's kinda like you're a super hero!

Love, Rebel Leader

tadpoled said...

I am Super PUA!

Anonymous said...

I'm your father!!!

Becca said...

Super heroes indeed! That's so cute when the PUAs let their "geek" roots show. I bet your nose wiggles when you talk too ;-)

Dolly said...

Rebel Leader and Tadpoled,
You guys crack me up! But it's true, it's a little frustrating keeping something like this a secret!

Your little girl is all grown up now.

The geeky streak it what makes them so loveable. ;)

Bspot said...

Greetings Dolly from a newcomer to your blog. I have a question for you about the seemingly fast change of mind you've had over the past month. I personally am well known among my friends for disagreeing with myself shortly after I've expressed a vehement opinion. Sometimes it takes a month, sometimes just minutes.

But I'm curious to know your view on how speedily you've come to honor, respect, admire and enjoy the PUAs who you describe in your Jan. 26 pitch letter to Simmons as "...these tricksters [recognition of whom] might help disarm them and save a woman from getting played."

I've checked out your blog a couple times over the past few days and, reading your cheerful and witty dating anecdotes, I don't doubt the sincerity of your transition from PUA foe to PUA friend. I know the pitch letter came after one bad experience. I guess you very soon had many positive experiences that changed your mind? Is it essentially due to the fun you've had in February? I'm thinking I should join in the festivities.

molly said...

i love you, dolly. they suck.

becca said...

ICAM about the geek streak! It's like a secret weapon that makes them totally irresistable.

I hope my "neg" wasn't too harsh:-( I only did it because I'm sure the PUAs can handle it with grace like they do everything else.

I think the geek thing actually gives PUAs an edge over "naturals." I'm waiting for the day when the "naturals" start asking the PUAs to teach them that geek thing. The PUAs are gonna be all "Well, you've either got it or you don't. I can't explain how to do it. Maybe you can just tag along and try to deconstruct it."

Rebel Leader said...

becca, well I can't speak for everyone, but your neg worked perfectly on me... my favorite super hero is The Incrdible Hulk. The whole duality of the human condition... the reasons vs. the passions. Plus he's green!

tadpoled said...

Hey becca,

Those look like comfortable shoes.

Charlie Brown said...

Yeah, actually PUAs compare themselves to Jedi. Ross Jeffries has his padawan flock following him on field trips.

On the topic, Dolly, have you read any Sin City comic? You've quoted Marv and said you find Clive Owen hot on the same post.

Stretch said...

I heart Becca.

CoatMan said...

Resentful people are best avoided rigerously.

And go for Arty Adam! You'll have to tell us all how it goes.

The quoteability factor is back:

"Well, I've become peripherally involved in a newspaper scandal that's now getting nationwide coverage, but other than that, same old same old."

Very hillarious. Don't ever stop blogging...

Anonymous said...

Dolly has PUA fanboys now. Turnabout is a strange thing...

Bspot said...

Pardon ... still questioning ... Rereading my comment above, I've realized it sounds as if it's criticizing. On the contrary, I'm just genuinely curious about the two different reactions one can have to Gaming: the negative one re PUA Dave that made Dolly describe PUAs the way she did in her letter to Simmons, and the more positive ones that later made her change her mind.

Obviously it depends on the individual person and experience. Does anyone else have a view on the following hypothesis? Don't some parts of The Game push a person to try to be unlike their past selves? Isn't this positive when it's just unleashing good stuff that was already there, or good potential, but negative when it turns into dishonest behavior, not "being oneself" ... i.e. trickery. Maybe these subtle differences account for some PUAs triggering bad reactions, some good?

Dolly said...

First of all, it's okay for you to take a critical tone. My first impressions of the seduction culture were suspicious. Even today, I don't agree with all PUA practices (I think some of the negging goes too far, for example) but I do have a mostly positive outlook on the community. Yes, a lot of this comes from the interactions I had with PUAs after Dave. The ones I've met have been a blast to hang out with, and I have also received tons of sweet emails from PUAs around the world. I'd have to be pretty ignorant and judgmental to still harbor resentment after that. I can also see a lot of the positive aspects of what they are doing in order to be more successful with women.

Aw, thank you!

I think you're getting into the spirit of it! You'll see, before long you'll have your own PUA posse to go sarging with. ;)

Rebel Leader,
You are just determined to flirt with all my girl friends and cool female commenters, aren't you? You're incorrigible!

Your comment made me laugh so hard I almost choked on my coffee.

I've seen the movie, but haven't read the comic.

I heart her, too. It's great to see more women "getting it."

You're right, it's all about surrounding yourself with positive people. It's worked wonders for me. Update on Arty Adam TK.

Considering I've become something of a PUA cheerleader myself, I think it's only fair. ;)

Rebel Leader said...

"You are just determined to flirt with all my girl friends and cool female commenters, aren't you? You're incorrigible!"

What can I say? You're like my favorite pivot, sweetheart!

Anonymous said...

Enough with the drama already, let's see some real juicy stuff!

darius451 said...

Dolly, thank you for defending the PUAs...though it does kinda help our social value to be deemed "bad boys" ;).

FYI: I do not know of a PUA who was not once an AFC. We are Don Juan's who will always have our "geek" roots.

Sex & Moxie said...

For the most part I find PUAs harmless. Except for the whole NLP aspect that many online courses teach. It's a sense memory type tactis that PUAs use to get women to go home with them. That's where, to me, this whole PUA stuff becomes a bit sketchy for me.

Sex & Moxie said...

PS...Congrats on the Voice mention. That's big stuff!

Dolly said...

Just let your geek roots show from time to time, most women find it endearing.

The NLP stuff disturbs me, too. When I met that first PUA, Dave, I ended up feeling like he put me under some kind of mild hypnosis. He was using these speech patterns in a certain, rhythmic way, and later on I did feel like I "snapped out of" something. Scary!

Eurosabr03 said...

I wonder how much understanding of the seductive uses of NLP the blog locals have; you can't "make" someone do anything that really conflicts with her values & desires. The basic idea, as a Rolling Stone article in '98 put it about the original Speed Seduction, was "to take a girl who would do that sort of thing anyway, and, with the application of a certain amount of bedroom-oriented charm, steer her towards doing it with you." The other thing is that it requires a deep understanding of emotions that I don't think most "revenge PUAs" have.
But Dolly, thanks for your comment, Ross Jeffries would be thrilled at yet more evidence (as his students say) "this $#^! really works!" Of course, Ross's current seduction aesthetic (if one may describe such a thing) is encapsulated in the phrase "tease and please." Rowr. Sorry you ran into one of the unethical members of The Community.

becca said...

I heart Dolly and the PUAs :-)

Tadpoled: Yep, you are correct, these shoes are very comfortable: Nordstrom comfort-construction pumps circa 1999. I've been waiting ages for them to be in fashion...still waiting. Thanks for noticing! They were a neg waiting to happen.

Dolly said...

Just between you and me, I have a soft spot for comfy shoes myself. I can't wear spike heels for shit.

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