Sunday, January 21, 2007

In Rum Veritas

Okay, so I thought he was out of my system, really I did.

I am such a liar.

Barman Ben. I thought I was over him, completely and utterly.

I'm not.

Still smitten. So very smitten. So very foolish of me, but I can't help it.

And I can't help but think he might like me a little bit, too.

I couldn't possibly be more doomed...

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well, shows what I know! I always assumed that whenever a girl "writes you off her list" its for good. Not that it's time for me to start calling up old girlfriends.

Maybe I am learning something.

Anonymous said...

Oh Dolly! Looks like you may need to let this one run its course then.

Anonymous said...

you're not doomed! just be honest with yourself about what you want.

somehow, it isn't surprising that he wasn't "out of your system". :P

I agree with blonde71274 - maybe this one needs to run its course.

CoatMan said...

Oh dear. Being rather taken with an unsuitable is very not fun. I take it that Paul didn't call? :-(

Jack Roy said...

And here I was worried that Dolly 2.0 wouldn't be as much fun to read.... I sincerely can't wait to see where this ends up. (Thanks as ever for writing this blog.)

Anonymous said...

I'm not much of an expert, obviously. But I wouldn't go forward with it. I'm always the first to put their cards on the table and tell someone how I feel about them...

Result? I always get burned. (In your case you might get laid, then burned. That isn't what your looking for, is it?)

But yeah, the ball is in his court now. I wouldn't budge an inch. Also, don't go back to that bar for awhile. I've gotten drunk and starred at people I've wanted to be with too. It gets you nowhere, and just makes you feel depressed and bad about yourself. And I am an expert on that.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like she's already gone forward with it, Halstead.

surfer said...

Wow Dolly, and I thought I had trouble deciding between low fat and skim at the supermarket...

To quote an oft-repeated PUA phrase:

"Attraction isn't a choice."

But you already know that, right?
Good luck, and hope things work out for you.

cahnman said...

Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooring...

Anonymous said...

One possible (but debatable) interpretation of what occurred:

The indications of unavailability in the message he left on your answering machine were interpreted by your subconscious as confirmation that he is unattainable. This interpretation produced anxiety. Your ego then attempted to defend itself from this anxiety by hastily searching for a fact that could be used as a pretext (or excuse or rationalization) for rejecting him. The fact it selected was the fact that he is an actor.

Mental health professionals refer to this mechanism as a "sour grapes" rationalization: failure to obtain an enticing bunch of grapes is made bearable if you deceive yourself into believing that they must have been sour anyway.

But then you went and drank that rum, which forced you to be honest with yourself, which enabled you to see that, deep down in your heart of hearts, the fact that he is an actor does not really break the deal for you.

If this interpretation is correct (and it might easily not be), then a new danger arises. Sometimes, in these situations, the ego will attempt to defend itself against anxiety using a different mechanism: it will admit that the grapes probably are good-tasting but will attempt to persuade itself that they are attainable by ignoring any evidence to the contrary and by searching for any evidence, no matter how flimsy, that points to that conclusion.

Both the idea that the grapes are sour and the idea that the grapes are attainable are quite seductive. Therefore, they should both be treated with some degree of skepticism.

Of course that is all contingent on acceptance of the interpretation, which could easily be undermined by information of which this author is unaware.

Dolly said...

Anonymous 11:55,
I was recently tempted to block anonymous comments again, but it's intelligent notes like yours that makes me keep them. You never know where (or who) the real insight will come from. Though it is a bit frustrating not knowing who wrote this.

In any case, there's some truth to what you said, though the fact that he's an actor did give me great misgivings (still does). At the same time, knowing that he is also creative and has more layers than I gave him credit for makes him even more interesting to me. As for whether I'm grasping at straws, I don't expect it to happen. I may never know whether the grapes are sour or succulent. But read the next post, maybe you'll have more wisdom to share.

Anonymous said...

Ooooo. Drama! I love it!

Dum dum dum.