Saturday, January 13, 2007

autonomous

Wow, where does the time go? This past week was so action-packed, I was too busy to blog (Too busy to blog! So unlike me!).

See, I've been putting my Dolly 2.0 plan into action, but I don't know that the details would be of interest to many people besides myself and my circle of friends. Feel free to skim.

Basically, there are three things I putting my energy into this year: developing my career, getting myself into really good shape, and exploring new personal interests. That's exactly what I have spent the last couple of weeks doing. I've been adusting to my new (rather strict) diet and exercise routine. I have received loads of new responsibilities at the office, so I've been getting used to the extra work, while exploring other job options in my spare time. I've been diversifying the way I spend my free time: this week alone I played Scrabble, went to see Janeane Garofolo do stand-up, and attended a Robert Altman double feature.

This does not leave a whole lot of time to see my friends, to say nothing of dating.

In fact, I do not have the time, desire, or level of masochism required to start dating again. I may just take the year off from dating altogether. Does that mean I will turn down every man who asks me out? Actually it does, unless I sense a real potential.

My mother tried to play matchmaker recently and put me in touch with this nice guy who came into her office, saw my photo, and was instantly smitten. This guy was sweet in his emails but--without sounding like a total snob here--I knew he wasn't dynamic or intelligent enough for me (half of his emails have been all in caps; who does that anymore??). He referred to himself as "an average guy". Is it too much to want somebody a little above average? When he asked me out, I told him I had a lot going on personally and professionally, and didn't think I was in the right headspace to date.

And it's true. I want to put my best self out there, but right now my energy is going into bettering myself, so I'm unavailable. I like it that way. It's nice taking responsibility for my happiness again (of course, that's usually when a guy comes along to try to mess it all up; I'm no stranger to life's irony).

I won't lie, I do miss sex. I really miss kissing. But if neither of those things happen within a greater emotional context, they are hollow and fleeting. Right now, I'm finding fulfillment from the other aspects of my life.

This isn't to say that I'm a total nun. I've corresponded a bit with a cutie in Italy and another in England. Last night I shared some charged flirtatious banter with an attractive guy who I'll probably run into at future events (actually, if he asked me out, I probably would say yes to him). As for Barman Ben, I have pretty much written him off (literally and figuratively).

See, if I put in all this time challenging myself and raising my level of awesomeness, I'm going to need someone who will rise to meet me. Until a real contender comes along, I'll continue the reinvention, the honing, the discovery and rediscovery of what I'm capable of, the having adventures big and small, the being happy again.

Yeah, I somehow turned this ship around. I'm happy again.

11 comments:

Tis said...

Yay! I'm very happy for you :)

Anonymous said...

I'm sure you can make this "Dolly 2.0" happen! Its not like your a total wreak. Keep us updated, some of us (like me) would love to ride your "mental coattails" to happiness.

CoatMan said...

" This guy was sweet in his emails but--without sounding like a total snob here--I knew he wasn't dynamic or intelligent enough for me (half of his emails have been all in caps; who does that anymore??). He referred to himself as "an average guy". Is it too much to want somebody a little above average?"

Aha! So I'm not the only picky one ;-) Good for you!

Anonymous said...

A happy life is all about achieving and maintaining balance...not just concentrating energy in one or two areas of your life. Some people never realize this, unfortunately...

Sounds like you're on a good path! Best of luck to you.

Anonymous said...

Just make sure you make time for drugs. Drugs rock.

Diesel said...

"In fact, I do not have the time, desire, or level of masochism required to start dating again. I may just take the year off from dating altogether."

So, the distinction that you are making is that there is a difference between the slot of time on your calendar that is labeled a "date" and the slot of time that is "not a date".

Tonight, I celebrated a very special birthday. I've learned that life is much more enjoyable when you do not label the special moments in your life.

I've learned that I should live my life as if every day was my birthday.

I'm trying very hard to not sound as if I am preaching to you. I think that I have learned how to live my life. And I thought that I would share that with you.

Anonymous said...

"(half of his emails have been all in caps; who does that anymore??)"

Urgh! This is one of those things that is guaranteed to put me off too indeed. If you are too stupid to release the Caps-lock, or to sense the significance of that...

Sounds you are on a good route.

Sarah said...

Good for you! I once heard or read that you should try to develop in yourself all the qualities you want in a date/mate -- you will be happier and more fulfilled, and you will attract the kind of people you want to attract. Sounds like you're off to a great start.

Anonymous said...

I am so happy for you, Dolly! You are on the right track. I, too, have grabbed the bull by the horns and am improving certain areas in my life. I feel a world of difference. I have always heard that if you want someone else to like you then you must first like yourself.

The caps lock thing would be a kill for me too. AND you definitely deserve above average! That was a great point and I am borrowing that from you. Thank you.

Dolly said...

Coatman,
No, I hereby have no right to call you too picky ever again.

Diesel,
I think the distinction I was trying to make was that I'm going to be a lot more particular about who I spend my free time with and am not going to make finding a mate such a priority. That doesn't mean I'm going to close myself off to real opportunities, though.

Blonde71274,
It's so true about needing to like yourself first. Otherwise, you risk getting into a relationship for the validation, which can lead to a lot of codependence and other unpleasantries. Good luck with your own self-improvement! I think even taking those first steps can make such a positive difference.

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