Let's file this one in the What Do I Have to Lose? drawer.
When I came home last night, I sent Film Felix the following text message:
I need to ask: Did you find my blog? Please be honest... Dolly
The most appropriate reply to my doing this would be,
"Were you on drugs?"
As I matter of fact, I was. Glad you asked.
I didn't expect to get a reply. Coworker Chris, who has been my confidante throughout this entire drama, assured me I'd hear from Film Felix again and he was right. Earlier tonight, I received the following text message from him:
No, but you have until tomorrow before I start looking for it.
I answered in the only way I could see fit:
I have until tomorrow to do what? I fear nothing.
Ladies and gentlemen, I finally have the last piece of the puzzle and that piece is: TV Tyler and Film Felix did not read the blog.
At least, not yet.
You'd think that would be the end of it, but oh, no. It would appear that I am Fate's bitch these days.
On my way home from the coffee shop where I immersed myself in books for hours on end, I got this funny feeling. My Spidey sense was tingling and I slowed my usually brisk walking pace down. On my iPod:
It’s a strange day
No colours or shapes
No sound in my head
I forget who I am
When I'm with you
Here we go: I passed the street they live on. Nobody.
I walked further on, now a mere two blocks from home.
TV Tyler and Film Felix were standing outside a bar/cafe on the corner. They had probably been smoking, though I didn't see any cigarettes. Did they linger in order for me to run into them? Doesn't matter. Film Felix saw me first and looked vaguely amused. TV Tyler turned around and did not look pleased to see me. At all.
I stopped in front of them, pulled my headphones out, smiled a smile that was more good-lord-what-have-I-gotten-myself-into than nice-to-see-you and chirped, "Hi!" in a voice that must have been at least three octaves higher than my normal timbre.
I was floored. Which is funny, because I have been expecting this to happen for weeks now, even hoping it would. Considering the fact that they live three blocks away from me and frequently go drinking in the neighborhood, it's a wonder I didn't run into them sooner.
Of course, that didn't make the encounter any less excruciating.
Looking at them was troublesome enough. My eyes kept going back and forth between the two.
I'd look at TV Tyler and think, "We slept together. I shouldn't look at you, because I tried to start something with your roommate and you're probably none too pleased with that." Then I'd look over at Film Felix and think, "No wonder you didn't call me! This scenario is uncomfortable beyond words! You're still cute, though, and if I keep staring, TV Tyler might think I'm trying to flirt with you and this is neither the time nor place." Then I'd look back to TV Tyler and think, "I'm sorry if I handled things less than graciously. However, I can't look at you too long, because I don't want Film Felix to think I'm reliving sexy moments or having feelings for you." Then I'd look at Film Felix and think, "I get it now. More trouble than it's worth. Right now, we're probably all wishing we lived three continents apart instead of three blocks." And so on.
While all that was going on internally, externally I was asked what I had been up to that night. I rambled about catching up on my reading and the book club and about how tomorrow I couldn't help Fuchsia pick out wedding dresses for the third Sunday running because I was spending the day with my parents. As if they cared.
It sounds boring the way I'm describing it, but I managed to make them both laugh several times, and every time TV Tyler laughed that big full-bodied laugh I always liked I'd think, "No hard feelings, right?" and every time Film Felix laughed I'd think, "If you find me so engaging and amusing, why the hell didn't you call? Oh wait, I know why."
I tried to extricate myself from the whole gory scene as quickly as possible. Looking back and forth at them was doing my head in. The expression on my face must have been the very epitome of Deer in Headlights. I finally said goodnight and walked the final two blocks home, a smile of pained disbelief plastered to my face the entire time.
What a fucking relief. In the same way there was something liberating at the thought of having a guy I had dated find this blog (though it looks like that wasn't the case, after all), the same holds true of running into Film Felix and TV Tyler in the neighborhood. It was inevitable and I was hoping for/dreading it. I wanted it to happen, so that I could get over it.
Now it doesn't matter if they are ever curious/clever enough to find this blog. I have a feeling I won't be seeing either again, despite our physical proximity. I also have that closure which I was so stubborn to obtain.
It's a fitting final chapter.