Tuesday, April 11, 2006

In Search of My Blog

When I first started this blog, I was surprised how many people stumbled upon it incidentally, even before the Village Voice scandal. How could all these strangers be reading, just a few days after starting this blog?

Polly, ever the voice of reason, pointed out:

"It's because it has the word 'cock' in the title."

Oh yeah.

Since my drug-induced paranoia-filled text message to Film Felix on Friday, it's possible that he has made good on his threat to look for my blog. He's a bright guy and with a little ingenuity I think he could track it down. Especially considering how many people have found it without looking for it.

One of my favorite features of Sitemeter is the referral page. This is where I discover the wild and wonderful ways that people have come across my blog via search engines. Many of these are indeed cock-related. It's pretty much what you would expect:

what do you know about men cock
husband needs cock [that poor wife...]
dirty big cock pictures that can be emailed [the gift that keeps on giving]
she got hurt by big cock [that's a story she won't be sharing at the Christmas table]
male cocks big and small [because lord knows I have more female cocks than I know what to do with]
cock mother
blog coks [love the spelling!]
husband watch wife fuck monster cock
little people taking big cock

And my personal favorite (because the American Pie movie franchise didn't take it nearly far enough):

cock in pizza

Of course, if Film Felix did go looking for this blog, he could also find it by typing one of the following phrases into a search engine:

couples fucking after attending a wedding
boyfriend applications [Incidentally, I am still accepting these. Please be sure to include at least two references and a daytime phone number.]
Betty and Veronica online dolls
flesh player 8 [which I hear is a great improvement over flesh player 7]
Dolly Pardon pics
Dolly Pardon secret marriage
The correct fucking spelling of Dolly Parton's name [it's quite possible I made that one up]
knee touching under the table flirt
Clive Owen lookalike [maybe the next one I go out with won't be so freakishly bitter about his recent divorce]
love body parts xxx
fun sex [better than having my blog linked from a search for "tedious and mediocre sex," right?]

And my favorite of all favorites:

she saw the enormous bulge in his trousers

Lovely.

Alternately, Film Felix could do a search on:

wacky girl who dates my roommate then goes on date with me and is refreshingly brilliant and attractive and we have a wonderful time but I never call because I am dumb and don't like awesome girls

17 comments:

Sarah Jayne said...

I DEFINITELY hope he searches that last one... or if he doesn't, it's the first thing he sees ;)

You're fabulous, keep on truckin' eh.

pookalu said...

omg.

she saw the enormous bulge in his trousers is hysterical.

i think i'm gonna have to google the word "cock" now and see what happens!

bermy said...

you're still taking applications, huh? not sure how my references would hold up!

NotCarrie said...

<3 Statcounter. Such joy!

lordt78 said...

You ladies have such dirty minds. Trying corrupt us innocent male population. A cock is merely a male chicken. lol

"cock ( P ) Pronunciation Key (kk)
n.

1. An adult male chicken; a rooster.
2. An adult male of various other birds.
3. A weathervane shaped like a rooster; a weathercock.
4. A leader or chief.
5. A faucet or valve by which the flow of a liquid or gas can be regulated.
6. The hammer of a firearm.
The position of the hammer of a firearm when ready for firing.
A tilting or jaunty turn upward: the cock of a hat."
From dictionary.com

Homosexual Suspect said...

Holy shit, Dolly. I just laughed so hard I cried.

Hope you're well, you hot mess of a girl. Stop by my blog, i've finally starting updating and at last I have a theme!

jo said...

hahaha! this is hilarious!

Damn It Anyway said...

Brilliant my friend!!!

Serendipity said...

You can blame Village Voice for coming to my attention... all via the PUA community.

Mind you, why would a guy who wasn't remotely interested in you bother hunting down your blog? If he does bother with that, I'd call that a major IOI. Plus there are elements of your text conversation which struck me as banter.

I wouldn't discard the possibility but I wouldn't worry either. Enjoy the uncertainty, it's part of what makes the game so delicious.

Rikki said...

I like the referrers page :)
I get things on mine such as 'a red head is dancing for you'... don't know how they get to my site precisely, but makes my work day a little more interesting.

Ghettobob said...

LOL, doesnt putting these search terms on your blog make it more likely people find you on these terms?

Shameless marketing.

Stephen Nash said...

I feel for ya - you girls do have it harder than us guys...

Playboy

CoatMan said...

You want him to find it, don't you?g

Dolly said...

Sarah Jayne,
Thank you. Silly of FF not to recognize my fabulosity, too, right?

Pookalu,
I'm glad I gave you an excuse to google cock. Please report back with any interesting results!

Bermy,
I'm flexible about references, depending how well the first and second interviews go.

Lordt78,
"game cock fighting" was another phrase linked to my blog, if it makes you feel any better.

HomoSus,
I missed you!!!

Serendipity,
Hey, FF did say the word that most describes his personality is "curious"...

Rikki,
I guess this kind of thing explains how you end up with some pretty wacky readers sometimes.

Ghetto,
I actually didn't think about that until after I published the post. Because, you know I want all those people looking for porn to read my blog instead and be sorely disappointed...

Playboy,
We have it tough in some respects, but the ability to have multiple orgasms makes up for a lot of it.

Coatman,
I don't know if I want him to find it. Maybe?

Betty on the Beach said...

Oh, Dolly!
And I thought the searches that brought people to my blog were bad...yours definitely beat my "naked fucking beach sluts" any day!!!

N said...

*wipes away tears of mirth*

My favourite search engine term referring to my blog was "Is wild pleasure an oxymoron".

Er... no.

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