autonomous

Wow, where does the time go? This past week was so action-packed, I was too busy to blog (Too busy to blog! So unlike me!).

See, I've been putting my Dolly 2.0 plan into action, but I don't know that the details would be of interest to many people besides myself and my circle of friends. Feel free to skim.

Basically, there are three things I putting my energy into this year: developing my career, getting myself into really good shape, and exploring new personal interests. That's exactly what I have spent the last couple of weeks doing. I've been adusting to my new (rather strict) diet and exercise routine. I have received loads of new responsibilities at the office, so I've been getting used to the extra work, while exploring other job options in my spare time. I've been diversifying the way I spend my free time: this week alone I played Scrabble, went to see Janeane Garofolo do stand-up, and attended a Robert Altman double feature.

This does not leave a whole lot of time to see my friends, to say nothing of dating.

In fact, I do not have the time, desire, or level of masochism required to start dating again. I may just take the year off from dating altogether. Does that mean I will turn down every man who asks me out? Actually it does, unless I sense a real potential.

My mother tried to play matchmaker recently and put me in touch with this nice guy who came into her office, saw my photo, and was instantly smitten. This guy was sweet in his emails but--without sounding like a total snob here--I knew he wasn't dynamic or intelligent enough for me (half of his emails have been all in caps; who does that anymore??). He referred to himself as "an average guy". Is it too much to want somebody a little above average? When he asked me out, I told him I had a lot going on personally and professionally, and didn't think I was in the right headspace to date.

And it's true. I want to put my best self out there, but right now my energy is going into bettering myself, so I'm unavailable. I like it that way. It's nice taking responsibility for my happiness again (of course, that's usually when a guy comes along to try to mess it all up; I'm no stranger to life's irony).

I won't lie, I do miss sex. I really miss kissing. But if neither of those things happen within a greater emotional context, they are hollow and fleeting. Right now, I'm finding fulfillment from the other aspects of my life.

This isn't to say that I'm a total nun. I've corresponded a bit with a cutie in Italy and another in England. Last night I shared some charged flirtatious banter with an attractive guy who I'll probably run into at future events (actually, if he asked me out, I probably would say yes to him). As for Barman Ben, I have pretty much written him off (literally and figuratively).

See, if I put in all this time challenging myself and raising my level of awesomeness, I'm going to need someone who will rise to meet me. Until a real contender comes along, I'll continue the reinvention, the honing, the discovery and rediscovery of what I'm capable of, the having adventures big and small, the being happy again.

Yeah, I somehow turned this ship around. I'm happy again.