Letter to the Editor

I emailed Style a couple of days ago, to fill him in a little bit on what I've been up to with regards to the seduction community. The last time I wrote, I had my first PUA encounter and thought it was a novel, unusual experience. Since then, I have been in touch with countless PUAs, met several more, and became more involved in the scene than I ever thought I would be. In fact, I may attend a conference on seduction later this year. Anyway, Style seemed amused that I made this kind of progress and said he had a feeling I'd be mentioned in an upcoming Village Voice article.

What Village Voice article, I asked?

This one.

A number of people emailed me the link and I thought maybe it was just some online article. Until I saw a stack of Village Voices while out with a friend last night. It was the cover story. For those who haven't read it, "Do You Wanna Kiss Me?" basically discusses how women in New York City have wised up to pick-up techniques and are familiar with all the lines and routines. My run-in with PUA Dave is quoted.

I have mixed feelings about this Village Voice piece, which is why I'm going to send a letter to the editor. Since I'm not sure whether he'll publish it, I'll publish it first:

Dear Editor,

I read "Do You Wanna Kiss Me?" with great interest, especially since I pitched a similar article idea to you more than a month ago, after I had my first encounter with a pick-up artist. I never heard your thoughts about my pitch, but you must have liked it because you ended up not only exaggerating my idea into a cover story, but quoting my blog as well!

I don't mind so much that you quoted my writing without contact me for permission first, I'm quite flattered and certainly appreciate the publicity for my blog. What I do mind is that the story is, essentially, bullshit.

Women in New York City are not onto pick-up techniques. That is, unless they are performed really blatantly and badly. Most females are still pretty clueless about seduction strategies that these guys use, and while Neil Strauss's book has been a hit, a lot of women have still not read it. If I went into a crowded bar and surveyed every female there, I can guarantee I'd be lucky to find one who'd be able to tell me what AFC, AMOG, LMR or any of the other acronyms common in the seduction community stand for. While some city gals may know what a false time constraint or yes-chain is now, after reading this article, let me assure you that the vast majority had no idea beforehand.

One of the pick-up artists I caught out and ended up befriending told me that I was only the second woman in a year that identified him as a PUA. This is an attractive, outgoing guy who goes out nearly every night and has probably talked to hundreds of women in the past year. He uses many of the standard seduction strategies, so if women are allegedly so hip to The Game, shouldn't more than two have been able to recognize what he was doing?

Women in New York are beautiful, sharp, and clever, and can be difficult to approach. Yes, they often weed out guys that try to hit on them in a sloppy way. However, the techniques well-versed pick-up artists use are not sloppy. They are based in proven psychological and sociological behavior and provide effective results time and time again. Is it sneaky for men to employ said techniques? No sneakier than it is for a woman to color her hair or wear a push-up bra or high heels. We do what we need to in order to get the attention of the opposite sex.

I have a problem with the way this article portrayed pick-up artists as conniving losers. I've seen these guys in action and, let me tell you, this stuff works--even on me, even after reading up on the various methods. The article made them out to be ill-mannered clods who are quick to insult a woman, which is also inaccurate. Negging is about creating a playful atmosphere, not about lowering a woman's self-esteem. It's the grown-up version of hair-pulling on the playground.

Ultimately, I think these men deserve more credit than they are getting. Having met and interacted with quite a few PUAs at this point, I can tell you that none have been disrespectful or unkind to me, in fact, quite the opposite. I have had many fun nights out with these men and made some new friends.

What you need to realize is that my situation is unique. Most women do not study pick-up strategies devised for men. Most women also aren't as accepting and enthusiastic about the seduction community as I am. The reason why I try not to be judgmental or disparaging about what these men are doing is because they are making an effort to be more successful with women. They are learning to be less shy and more charming and flirtatious. They try to create a fun, positive, and exciting experience for the woman. The credo many follow is "leave her better than you found her." What's so bad about that, that they wanted to get laid, too? Guess what, guys have always wanted sex and will continue to want sex. You can't fault them for finally discovering methods that are successful. And, contrary to what your article proposes, the techniques work and will evolve and continue to work.

The thing is, we need them to work. If they don't work, men and women will remain in opposite corners of the room and the human race will not survive. Sure, I wish there didn't need to be so much strategizing, but with women becoming increasingly cynical and defensive, something needs to be done to break through that wall we put up. If we didn't create so many rules to begin with, men wouldn't need to play any game.

Let's face it, we are all players and we all make or break or follow the rules. Don't hate the players and don't hate the game. It's who we are.

~Dolly