Monday, February 27, 2006

When it rains...

I am pleased to report that both TV Tyler and Arty Adam are still in the picture.

I sent TV Tyler a text message Friday night and he replied by calling me. He made it very clear what an insane week he had, from having to attend a wake to an impromptu visit from his parents to being forced to work all weekend. I know he wasn't bullshitting me. There wasn't any mention of making another date, but for him to call when so much is going on in his life is something. It's too bad I can't help him relieve his stress at the moment, much as I'd like to, but I got an email from him today, so he's doing his best not to fall off the radar. Would it be totally corny of me to confess that I miss him? I do.

Then there's Arty Adam. I went online yesterday and he was the first to instant message me. IM seems to be his preferred mode of communication, maybe because he works from home (and maybe, like me, he hates the phone). He ended up spending Saturday night at home watching movies. Who knows, maybe he had company or maybe it was a quiet night in. Doesn't bother me either way. We had a chat that was nice but seemed to be going nowhere. I had to do something to salvage the situation...

DD: Have you played any more of that video game?

AA: Of course not.

DD: Well, we should play it again sometime soon.

AA: We should.


Pause. I'm waiting for him to do the next part. Come on, Arty Adam, I know you can do it!

AA: How about this weekend?

DD: Sounds good. Friday?

AA: Sure. We could get sushi first.

DD: Excellent.

Ladies and gentleman, we have an official third date. Was that so difficult? What's great is that I don't even have to worry about the whole silly "third date rule". Instead of questioning whether or not we'll have sex, it'll be more a question of whether or not we'll use the handcuffs again. I hope we do! Though if there's spanking or anything else rough, I'll have to be careful not to get marks on my skin, because I'm hoping TV Tyler will ask me out for Saturday.

As much as I love being the one who's pursued, I'm learning how some guys need a nudge here and there. Whether it's a hectic schedule or a somewhat passive attitude, as long as the guy shows interest and reciprocates, I don't think it's so bad to be the one to initiate contact from time to time. Waiting for a guy to do all the work might result in that guy fading away and while it's great to have someone willing to do all the chasing, few men actually do. I also wonder if some males are having a kind of backlash against dumb books like The Rules, that claim a woman must always play hard to get. Anyway, I'm glad my two main guys haven't disappeared.

But wait, there's more!

On Saturday, I spent hours in a bar chatting with a cute lawyer, who asked me for my number before I left. I don't think we have all that much in common (he likes all this music that I can't stand; that could be a problem in the long run), and I generally don't do so well with lawyers, but I'll keep an open mind.

I also have a date on Wednesday with a new guy, from the online personals. I wasn't really looking to add to the rotation, but this one had such an upbeat, creative, and positive energy, I couldn't resist. He was also keen to meet me right away instead of prolonging email chit-chat, which I always appreciate. Oh, and did I mention he kind of reminds of Clive Owen in his photos? Could be some potential there!

On Saturday, when I met PUA Rebel Leader, he asked me if I've been getting laid more since reading some of the pick-up material. I said yes, though I didn't feel like I was actively putting a lot of the techniques into practice. I said I thought it might be a coincidence that I was meeting all these new men.

The thing is, I keep meeting them. And kissing them. And having sex with them. I have probably had more sex in the last two months than I did in the entire preceding year. I don't think that's a coincidence. I haven't been hooking up with more guys strictly because of good luck (though I recognize that plays a part). I'm starting to realize it's more than that and that there's no reason for me to believe the fun has to end...

35 comments:

NotCarrie said...

CLive Owen look-alike? Do not pass that up!

Larissa said...

the girl's got a point! although how many guys can you date at the same time? i'd be a little tired!

Dolly said...

NotCarrie,
If he's as Clivealicious as he is in the pics, I'm in for a treat!

Larissa,
Keep in mind that nearly two weeks will have gone by between my second and third dates with Arty Adam. And it might be even longer before I see TV Tyler again! If I'm going to date someone seriously, I need to see them more than a couple of times a month. Plus, neither of them have made any (as Polly puts is) boyfriend noises yet. But yes, it does get a little tiring from time to time.

Monkeyface said...

You're right, bitches always have to play games.
Although you seem like a cool girl.
Keep it real.

Anonymous said...

Well, you're definitely not hard to get.

Dolly said...

Monkeyface,
I wouldn't say it's "bitches" that only play games, I think it's about self-protection for other women. Or about insecurity and reassurance. It would be so much easier if everyone stopped strategizing and acting more sincerely, no?

Anonymous,
Ooh, look who's being catty! I may not play hard to get if I'm really into a guy, but if I'm not then I'm downright impossible to get.

Bama Girl said...

Hard to get is overrated. Besides, you play hard to get when you need to, ya know.

Rebel Leader said...

One line is all I get? One line?! After singing my heart out to you in that karaoke whorehouse you asked me to come to, all I get is barely a supporting role in your Saturday night field report... damn. You bitch. You sexy, fucking bitch.

Charlie Brown said...

I stand my earlier point.

pawlr said...

"no reason to believe the fun has to end..." I like it. That's a pretty subversive train of thought when you get right down to it, isn't it?

Psyneh said...

Dolly, your posts are so brutal honest... really like them.. keep posting coz I keep reading, Psyneh

Dolly said...

Bama Girl,
Hard to get isn't just overrated, I'm not convinced that it's something men (at least mentally healthy ones want). I think it's more about having your own life and being independent, so you don't have to pretend to be busy, but are actually out there doing interesting things.

Rebel Leader,
Are you saying you just wanted to meet me in order for me to blog about it? ;)

Charlie,
Do you mean the point about my being a player? Until I start getting boyfriend vibes from one of these guys, why shouldn't I see different people?

Pawlr,
There are different kinds of fun you can have. Once upon a time I lived with a man and had a low-key, domestistized life. It maybe wouldn't have made for a blog as interesting, but it was fun. That's the kind of fun I'd like to have again, someday.

Anonymous said...

Are these men all caucasian? do you see other ethnic types? black, asian, indian, etc.? would you go out with them or do they never approach you?

just curious what an american HB thinks. and do your friends more or less feel the same way?

Anonymous said...

Doll:

Have you read the book, why men love bitches? I just started it, and its amazing so far!

-Tiff

pawlr said...

That's pretty cool, a friend of mine told me that in High School she had a boyfriend that sounds kind of like that. She says she misses that "calmness" that she got from him even though it got boring after awhile.

G. said...

When I think that so many people call almost40's blog a hoax... What should they say about yours ? (Not that I believe that yours is a hoax either). But now I see what they meant about terrorists being slightly discontent with your lifestyle.

Charlie Brown said...

But will you really want to settle down with a boyfriend, now that you have so much fun?

Dolly said...

Anonymous,
Most of these guys are white, yes (though there was the hot Seal-looking guy I made out with a while ago). I don't think my friends discriminate based on race, though it's not something we really talk about. I tend to like pasty white boys, but I wouldn't rule out someone of a different race.

Tiff,
I haven't read that book, but any man who loves bitches is not going to be one I want in my dating pool, anyway. This one sounds even worse than The Rules!

G,
I don't know about Almost40's blog, but there are PUAs who have been able to corroborate my stories, so I think that adds to my credibility. Plus, come on, after going on about how much I can't stand lying, I wouldn't make shit up.

Charlie Brown,
Yes, I will want to settle down with a boyfriend. Ultimately, that is so much more fulfilling than playing the field. Arty Adam and TV Tyler both have serious boyfriend potential, but if neither of them want to get seriously involved, I'm sure somebody will who'll feel differently. And I don't think I could handle MLTRs. One good man is enough for me.

CoatMan said...

Instead of questioning whether or not we'll have sex, it'll be more a question of whether or not we'll use the handcuffs again.

You are very quoteable ;-)

As to chasing, as a man, it's nice to be chased from time to time. After all, the person being chased is the one in control (who, after all, is in the position of power in a job interview? The candidate chasing the job, or the person doing the interviewing?).

And don't knock the lawyers! Think of it this way: one thing that is very important in a long term relationship is the ability to resolve disputes rationally and calmly. What do lawyers spend all day doing?

Best wishes with your collection of prospects; I shall look forward to further instalments in your eminently entertaining journal.

The Asian Playboy said...

Anonymous/Dolly,

Most girls don't "think" about it, though everyone has some sort of underlying blueprint that they subconsciously associate a man from a given race, negatively or positively. The key, of course, is to simply convey an image and presence that overwhelms any sort of negatively associated stereotype.

By the way, you got yourself mentioned in da news, congrats!
http://www.villagevoice.com/nyclife/0609,sylvester,72342,15.html

Asian Playboy

Anonymous said...

Just out of curiousity, would you date a man who was sleeping around as much as you are? I don't mean this in a bad way, but I'm curious.

-Dave

lemurbutthead3toedslothfacehomerorangutan said...

Love how you respond to everybody.

sWaTkiNd said...

That village voice article references you frequently with a link and I think its a matter of time before your anonymity is encroached upon outside of your control or you start getting hounded by journalists and book publishers...

Good luck with your search if you decide to stop posting.

Dolly said...

Coatman,
I'm not knocking the lawyers, my father always said I would have made a really good one. However, if I date a lawyer, it has to be one who is not too straightlaced and one who's no going to be married to his job. As I said, I'll give this one a chance. If he calls.

Asian Playboy,
I think a lot of women look for reasons to rule out a guy as a Potential and race is one of those things, whether it's a concious decision or not. Too many women look for reasons to say no. I have gotten to a point where I look for reasons to say yes, which means getting past any preconceived notions I have about divorced guys, guys with kids, and guys of non-white races. There is a super-hot Indian waiter that I would be all over... if it weren't for the fact that he's married.

Oh, and thanks for linking the Voice article! I'm going to blog about it tomorrow...

Dave,
Very good question. I don't want to develop a double standard here, so yes, I would date a guy with a healthy and experimental sexual appetite, provided he was being safe (which I am, always). I try to keep it in the back of my head that TV Tyler and Arty Adam may be dating (and sleeping with) other people and I don't let that bother me. For me, the issue is more whether they are capable of having a monogamous relationship down the line, because I am.

Personwiththereallylongfakename,
You must have had more to drink tonight than I did!

pawlr said...

Dolly, your thoughts are very stimulating, so as a consequence, thoughtful discussion results. Cool. Don't let fame change you too much :)

Dolly said...

Swatkind and Pawlr,
I think it's going to be a while until I attain any level of notoriety that's going to have a serious impact on my life. I love the fact that I'm still anonymous, at least for the time being. And even if I did get famous, I would resist getting a big head and would probably end up hating it (contrary to the nature of this blog, I actually do love my privacy). You guys have every right to call me out if I'm sounding too full of myself!

pawlr said...

FYI I added a link to you from my blog cause the content here is juicy.

Anonymous said...

"I may not play hard to get if I'm really into a guy, but if I'm not then I'm downright impossible to get."

just out of curiosity, where do you draw the line? Clearly not at men who have girlfriends (boy Uma). Is it the color of their suits?

Dolly said...

Pawlr,
Thanks for the link. I'd be happy to link back if you let me know which blog.

Anonymous,
Where do I draw the line at what? Boy Uma's situation was one in which the long distance girlfriend knew he hooked up with others. I am very much against cheating, and yes, I realize the lines might have been a bit blurry with him (another reason why I didn't give him my contact info). However, your tone is a bit too snarky for my taste, so I'm not going to spend any more time defending myself to some anonymous commenter.

Anonymous said...

Although you say you would really like a boyfriend, I'm wondering if you will ever be able to settle with one man? Do you sometimes wonder if it isn't possible to develop dating "ADD"? I know you say that you date/sleep with more than one man to keep from becoming neurotic about just one, but I wonder if this type of behavior might breed a restless attitude. Just wondering.

Dolly said...

Anonymous,
That's a very good question. Honestly, it's a possibility that I will have some misgivings when faced with the option of a monogamous relationship. If TV Tyler or Arty Adam made boyfriend noises, I'd have to take into account eveything I'd be giving up. On the other hand, I know I can't experience the level of intimacy and emotional connection that I ultimately want without monogamy. I have seen glimpses of its potential with these two men, and it's scary but the possibility of it is pretty incredible. Not only that, but look at all the experiences I have accumulated in the last two months alone! I have sowed plenty of wild oats and could definitely put it in my past to begin something longlasting with one person. It's not something I flaunt on here, but deep down I really am a romantic.

pawlr said...

Thanks Dolly, we are at a site called "Cyberpols" http://cyberpols.blogspot.com. Come on by and check us out if you feel up to it, we'd love to have you!

Anonymous said...

what are your thoughts on a girl going to a bar by herself? as a 22 y.o. girl/woman, i can't decide if this is "acceptable" or not...

Dolly said...

Anonymous,
I have gone out by myself before and while I think a person should be able to go places solo, I wouldn't recommend bars being one of those places. First of all, if you go to a bar alone, you're not going to have as much fun. Maybe you'll end up meeting people, but there's also a chance you'll end up sitting by yourself drinking, which can be depressing. Second of all, going out with at least one friend assures that you will look out for each other. What if you end up getting hassled, getting sick, or--worst case scenario but NOT unheard of-- having your drink spiked? Who will make sure you get home safely if you have one too many? Who will come to your rescue if somebody creepy starts talking to you?

Strange as it may seem, women aren't necessarily more approachable when out alone, too. A guy might wonder, "what's wrong with that girl that she couldn't find anyone to go out with her?" Not only that, but when you're out with friends and having a great time, smiling and laughing, you exude a much more positive energy. If you smile and laugh while sitting alone, that will look strange.

I know it can be tough to find people who share your interests and hobbies, but the internet is great for meeting like-minded people. If you don't have people to go bar hopping with now, I'm sure it's just a matter of time.

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