Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Computer Love

Maybe it's the gray and gloomy weather outside, or my PMS, or the fact that neither Clooney nor any of my other Potentials have been in touch, but for whatever reason, today is a crappy day to be single.

I haven't been through a lonely streak for a while. Actually, I have been in a Good Single Place for the last few months. I'm happy with my career and my social life, and the occasional date and/or hook-up keeps me from utterly shrivelling up and forgetting I'm a woman.

Once in a while, all those good things briefly fall away and I get that little voice in my head. We all know what that voice says:

"Everybody will find somebody except for you. You are going to spend the rest of your life alone."

I know that's not true. A young, pretty, intelligent, and well-mannered girl like myself will pair up sooner or later. Today, all I can think of is that it will be much later. Later than I have the patience for.

I don't mind waiting, I'm used to waiting. I'd rather be alone than with the wrong person and I have plenty to keep me busy. What I would like is a sign that it's going to happen eventually. Some kind of cosmic signal to reassure me that my solo status will not be permanent. I don't need anything big, like a billboard that says, "Cheer up, Dolly! He's on his way!" Just something small: a smile, a kiss, a compliment.

I'm good at being on my own, but right now I want to be around others. I want to go on dates. Since I only meet so many (which is not that many) guys organically, in person, at random social functions, this means one thing: online personals.

*cue music of doom*

Online personals are the best and worst thing that ever happened to the world of dating. They are great, because even the biggest social retard can get him/herself a date. They are horrible, because sometimes the person you end up on a date with is a big social retard.

Having met a ton of people through various correspondences that initiated in cyberspace, I can't discount OP's entirely. Thanks to various websites, I have gotten some great friends, had some great sex, and accrued some great anecdotes. Even so, I don't expect to meet my soul mate online. I know many people do, I just have a gut feeling I won't be one of them.

That doesn't keep me from logging in and staying hopeful. I try to go to as many social functions featuring people I don't know as possible, but on a day like today, where I have nothing in my calendar and an empty stretch of evening ahead of me, I know the lure of OP's will be irresistible.

It feels like treading water, writing notes to these strangers, maybe meeting them, having it go nowhere. Movement without progress. Even so, it gives me a strange hope. Maybe one day, I won't have to do it anymore. Maybe I'll be able to log off forever.


Anonymous said...

Oh, sweetie. I totally understand!! We all go through it. When I posted about this I got some helpful comments...

I think it's just part of being single. Lots of ups and downs. Ug. Maybe you could go bar hopping with a few single girlfriends? I'm sure you know someone who would be interested... ;)

Vespertine said...

Consider this your WILL pair off.

In the meantime, and I realize this is poor substitute, do something that makes you feel ridiculously attractive. Buying some new item of clothing that makes me feel vixen-like often helps.

Alternatively, a bottle of wine and a good chick flick are great sedatives.

We have all been there-- I was there 2 weeks ago, and now my dating life is almost overwhelming me. Don`t knock the universe's habit of surprising you.

Judy said...

I know how you feel about the highs and lows of single life. The past few weeks since the birthday, the holidays, New Year's in NYC, and various social events were great for meeting guys, but I feel like my high is cresting to a bit of a low too. And it's hard coming off that high.

I wonder the same things that you do and struggle with the positive thinking. But I think we just have to keep hoping it's going to work out for us, right? That after all the stupid, bullshit things we've been through, we are stronger, tougher and we are going to find someone who's right for us. Because in the end, I think that's how you to get through a night like you described.

Dolly said...

Kirsten, Vespertine, and Judy, you are all lovely to offer messages of hope. I will keep the optimism alive!

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