Thursday, January 12, 2006

the motion of the ocean

Any woman who tells you size doesn't matter is lying.

The average erect male penis is five to seven inches long. Call me an over-achiever or call me lucky, but many of my partners have been above average.

This isn't to say that having a big dick automatically makes for a great lover, or that being under-endowed makes for a terrible lover. Obviously technique goes a long way. Sometimes, guys that aren't as genetically blessed make more of an effort to get you off, whereas well-hung guys think that by merely showing up and sticking it in you, multiple orgasms will ensue.

I have to be honest, though. Average guys, cover your ears, because you're not going to like this:

Bigger usually is better.

Within reason. Too big and it's UTI City. Ask any girl how uncomfortable urinary tract infections are. Personally, I'd rather not drink copious amounts of cranberry juice, unless there's some vodka mixed in.

Is it worth irritated girly parts for mild-blowing orgasms? Um...

Also, you may have heard this one before, but girth is much more important than length. It's that feeling of being filled up by a man that's so wonderful.

The truth is, well-endowed men don't have to work as hard. As long as they get a girl turned on and well-lubricated, a big dick is going to hit a lot of nerve endings and the friction and skin-on-skin contact should do the rest. For example...

In college, I once went to a crazy party in an apartment with no furniture and tinfoil on the walls. I started talking to this blonde guy from the west coast with a very biblical name. Let's call him Jehovah. Jehovah was on acid, I was on ecstasy, and before long we were sucking face.

I brought him back to my dorm room as the sun was coming up and we made out in my narrow bed. He was still tripping but managed to get hard. He was of a decent length, but it was his girth that was truly astonishing. Not quite soda can proportions, but I could not get the condom past the head of his shaft, and he had to finish rolling it down. I was a little scared he might hurt me with that thing. When he said the condom was too tight, the complaint was valid: men like Jehovah are the reason magnums were invented.

For some reason (maybe because he was a stranger I picked up while high on drugs?) I started getting second thoughts about fucking Jehovah. I wasn't that into it but decided to follow through.

I am so glad I did. I think I had an instant orgasm as soon as he was in me. He didn't have to do anything fancy, his length and girth were enough to cause such intense pleasure, it makes me tingle just remembering it.

On the flipside, there was the Love of My Life. He had neither length nor girth on his side, but when we finally had sex, it was so emotional and passion-filled, the last thing I cared about was his size. Plus, when he kissed me, I got that rare elevator-dropping feeling that few men since have been able to stir.

I'm not going to lie, I'd love to end up with somebody genetically blessed below the waist. It's important, but only to some degree. However, if he can't give me butterflies in my stomach, all the inches in the world won't matter.


Damn It Anyway said...

Note to self: Cover apartment in tinfoil and meet a girl on drugs.

Sarah said...

Holy lord woman! This whole, uh, having orgasms from anything related to the penis thing is... well, foreign to me. It feels great and all, but still. It's the other stuff that works pour moi, so size is important within a certain range for me, but not so much.

Dolly said...

damnitanyway, I laughed so hard when I read that I snorted.

Sarah, I've heard of women not being able to come through penetration, and it's not sure way for me to get off, either, but it's still my favorite. At the same time, have you ever been with a guy that was really, really huge? It's like they can't help but get you off.

Sarah said...

I think really huge would be uncomfortable for me more than anything. ;) I guess people's bodies are just built differently...

-- said...


I'm with sarah on this one. One of the guys I met was not so big, but somehow was hitting my g-spot perfectly, and avoiding the dreaded cervix. Quite nice, actually, and he was not nearly so big. I was pleasantly surprized.

Anonymous said...

I don't get it... what causes the UTI??