Wednesday, February 15, 2006

V Day Wrap-Up

Last night, Pretty Polly said to me:

"You can't say a full sentence without using PUA lingo!"

I admit, I've been pretty captivated by the seduction community and enjoy discussing my adventures. But what better time to discuss pick-up techniques than on Valentine's Day, within a group of single people!

Polly and I had a very good turnout for our party. Earlier in the night, we did have a few more girls than guys, but when we moved on to the second bar, a few people went home and then we had a perfect male-female balance. It wasn't even about setting up all our single friends (well, maybe a tiny bit). As far as I know, there weren't any romantic connections, but everyone seemed to have a good time.

Since I was something of a co-hostess for the gathering, I focused more on mingling with the group and less on looking for guys to flirt with. And drinking. I volunteered to be a pivot to some of the single guys with us and offered to help them approach some women, but they didn't go for it. There were lots of cute girls at the second bar and I have no idea why they didn't want to meet any of them! Silly boys.

I guess I must have been pretty tipsy by the time PUA Logan showed up. I was happy to see him, because I knew he would liven things up. I gave him a big hug and mentioned that Sarah stepped out but would be back soon (the two of them have casually hooked up).

He smiled and said, "That means I can make out with you for a little while."

So that's what we did, until Sarah showed up and I handed him over. He flirted a bit with Pretty Polly, too, and I think it's just a matter of time before she also makes out with him. Should we have been annoyed that he was looking to hook up with all of us? Who cares? He's cute, he's fun, he's one of the finest flirts I've ever known and we're all single and playing the field.

Anyway, our little party started to disperse, so Polly and I decided to go to another bar. When it's the two of us, that's when the magic happens. Wouldn't you know it, we're not there ten minutes before we're talking to guys.

Polly saw a guy she wanted to talk to, so I opened him for her. I can't believe I did this, but I actually modified one of the PUA lines. I told him we needed a male opinion on something and described a debate we were having about a friend of ours who slept with a guy on the first date, etc. Once he started talking, I stepped aside and walked to the other end of the bar. When I came back, she was talking to a male friend from the party, who followed us to the third bar.

Polly spotted another guy a few feet away and this time she initiated a conversation. At this point, I was a bit tipsier, so I forget the details, but somehow I ended up sitting next to him at the bar and talking with him. He was attractive, but his English wasn't so hot (he's visiting from Estonia). We didn't have much to talk about, so I ended up making out with Estonian boy. The kissing was okay, but the conversation was boring because of the language barriers, so I needed to remove myself from the situation after a little while. I made up some story about my friend being upset about her ex-boyfriend and needing me to comfort her (at least, I think that's what I said).

I turned back to Polly, who spotted a couple of Potentials sitting at a table.

"You want me to open them?" I asked.


We went over there, but we didn't even need any kind of icebreaker, because as soon as we asked if we could sit down, the two guys started talking to us. We'll call them Glasses Hipster and Hat Hipster. I sat next to G Hipster while Polly chatted with H Hipster.

I don't even remember what I talked about with my Hipster. Actually, the only thing I can remember we discussed was Pretty Polly's cleavage (don't ask). He was one of those guys that disliked a lot of things. I might have scoffed at some of his hipster music taste. Our knees were pressed under the table and I thought we might start making out at any moment. He was kind of attractive in a surly cool nerd kind of way, I guess.

When I saw it was well past 1am, I knew I had to go home. I said good night to Polly. She was going to come out with me, but I asked her not to, since G Hipster was following me and I knew we were going to make out. She agreed to stay behind (what a good friend!).

Glasses Hipster and I ended up in a doorway. Some light groping and sloppy kissing on his part and I was ready to catch a cab. We exchanged business cards earlier, but for the love of god I hope he doesn't call.

One of our partygoers said something last night that I've been thinking about. He said that girls are happy to meet a guy at a bar or club, make out with him, and go home satisfied, whereas for the guy it's all about the orgasm. I wonder how true that is, because I certainly enjoy kissing for kissing's sake. Though all the random making out is going to get tired eventually. It's so much better to see guys more than once and actually get to know them. Speaking of which...

When I got home, there was an email from Arty Adam sending some photos of his trip (it was a mass email, but still).

TV Tyler and I exchanged a couple of emails yesterday. No mention of Valentine's Day and no plans made to see each other again, but he did say he was happy to have a "real reason to be tired at work." You bet I'm a real reason. Ball's in his court, we'll see what happens.

In the meantime, I may meet up with another NYC-based PUA! The fun will continue...


Cameron said...

PUA techniques are designed for MEN to approach and attract WOMEN. It is based on the biology of social interaction between the sexes. It does NOT work the other way around. So, if you are looking to get into deep, meaningful relationships beyond very short term flings then I recommend you do NOT continue using male PUA techniques. It would actually work opposite for a woman. Please don't mistake this comment as being prudish.

Mango said...

You rock Dolly! I believe the techniques that a PUA utilizes in the field can be in turn successfully used by women. Although as a woman, you've been using these techniques for years without realizing it.

I have a new wingwoman/a pivot who knows exactly what to do in specific situations. She calibrates, opens up the Alpha, then so forth, finally getting to the AMOG or obstacle. She then diverts attention away from the set, and successfully extracts the obstacle from the group. Textbook.

BTW, you're right men do want the orgasm and usually aren't satisfied with the makeout, they always want more.

Dolly said...

Cameron, trust me, I know these techniques are for men not women. I just borrowed one of the icebreakers as a way to start a conversation (which worked, by the way). Most of the time, Polly and I end up meeting guys just by smiling at them or standing near them. We don't do the predator thing, we just make sure we're friendly and approachable.

Cameron said...

Cool Dolly. You're very smart and fun too. If you liked fishing you'd be the perfect woman!

Damn It Anyway said...

Ok maybe I'm a bit jealous of them as well.

Damn It Anyway said...

I doubt PUA classes would work for all men..especially those of us who wouldn't want a woman that would fall for those techniques.

Well, almost any woman.

Anonymous said...

Please don't take this the wrong way, it is not intended to be mean, but what are you really after here? Is your ultimate goal to meet a wonderful, loving soul-mate that you can spend the rest of your life with? Or are you just looking for lots of meaningless male attention and use-jobs? All this random meeting and kissing seems rather pointless to me. Sorry to be so blunt, but I'm not seeing the objective of all of these encounters, other than to function as a short term ego boost, which ultimately end up leading to nothing.

Dolly said...

It's not about being sneaky or manipulative, it's about understanding how male and female psychology to communicate and interact better with women. As funny and nice as you are, it certainly wouldn't hurt to hone the social skills a tiny bit. I'm always looking for ways to improve myself.

You're right, all the casual kissing gets stale. And I do want a relationship, eventually. I would love it if things worked out with TV Tyler or Arty Adam, and would happily drop my other boys if they proved to live up to their potential. In the meantime, though, I'm not going to sit home and wait for Prince Charming to knock on my door, I want to have fun! Also, kissing all the boys takes the edge off the "real" dates I have and makes me less obssessive about the guys I do like (Tyler, Adam).

Anonymous said...

But do you think that when you take the "edge off" of the real dates by indulging in random hook ups, you might actually be sabotaging the real dates, albeit inadvertently? It seems as though you are trying very hard to prove something…perhaps prove to yourself that you can avoid being hurt by suitors such as TV Tyler or Arty Adam. Do you think that the more people you kiss, the less vulnerable you’ll be? In my opinion, it’s braver to feel the feelings rather than to try and compensate for them. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean to sound judgmental. More power to you, especially if you are truly enjoying yourself. It's a blast to read! I just wonder (and maybe wrongly so--just throwing it out there) if the potential for a real relationships is somehow diminished by your I-can-make-out-with-anyone antics.

Anonymous said...

OK Dolly- good luck to you! I also think it's fun to read- and quite funny too! It's kind of funny to see women using PUA tactics for a change (Cameron is full of crap, by the way-there is no reason why women can't use the same tactics as men! How sexist- assuming that women always want deep, meaningful relationships, and men just want to hook up!). I'm just wondering if it may "de-sensitize" you a bit to the good relationship that may come along in the meantime? Don't become hardened with all of your tactics! Best of luck!

Rich said...

if i may be so bold, (and believe i'm all about boldness on rebound day) this talk of relationship 'desensitization' is hogwash. Like anything else in life, good love needs to be experienced for us to know what it is. The idea that all the women should just stay at home and wait to be rescued is archaic. besides, how can one tell if the prince that does show up isn't machiavellian?

Maybe the more people i kiss the farther away 'the one' gets (although come on what sense does this make?) maybe the more experience and fun I have, the more joy i take out of a long fullfilling marriage. But what the hell, I'd rather 10 satisfying lovers and a short life than 1 long arduous marriage i decided to 'settle' for eternity.

If you can be desensitized from the real thing, then it isn't the real thing.

Anonymous said...

Should you be annoyed? lol... you whole group should feel validated that I like them all. :) It's not often a group of "obsticles" are so cute and fun. ;)



Anonymous said...

PS - PUA techniques aren't about manipulating women, and it's not about finding "the one that doesn't fall for it" as much as Style wants it to be. On the contrary, the more attractive and intelligent a girl is, the more shen needs you to be emotionally stimulating, and the better PUA techniques work.

PPS - Some PUA techniques are good for both sexes.

PPPS - She's having a good time exploring what's out there... stop giving her a hard time. At the least, she's accomplished finding me!


mike said...

hey diggin the blog... some really funny stuff! Don't let these haters throw off your game :)

Wish I could stay out til 1AM on a work night... would help my game bigtime


jo said...

i'm actually really curious to read that book where you get all those PUA stuff from... i sure wouldn't mind a friend pivoting for me haha!

CA PUA said...

Hey Dolly, great stuff. Specific question here: you appeared to be at least somewhat attracted to Glasses HIpster, and then you two started making out. Then, he did some "light groping and sloppy kissing" which turned you off of him completely.

What was it that he did that turned you off so much? Groping is really just putting your hands on a girl, so what "groping" did he do that turned you off so much? What was so sloppy about his kissing?

Just trying to learn. =)

Dolly said...

Anonymous 1,
No, I don't think I'm sabotaging my potential to find a real relationship by "taking the edge off". If anything I am a lot more open about the kinds of men I will go out with (if I didn't have a freer attitude, I never would have gone out with TV Tyler, and I've had three wonderful dates with him). Whenever the love thing happens, I'll be ready for it, and playing the field now isn't going to cheapen it.

Anonymous 2,
I will not become desensitized or hardened. I'm always going to have a gooey romantic center, I'm just going to make sure to be more careful about how I share that with.

I have to agree with you. Even though I have kissed tons of guys, kissing is still special to me, as is sex. If I find someone I develop feelings for, despite my previous experience, those things will still have a strong emotion impact.

Who's giving Sarah a hard time? I'm certainly not. It would be pretty hypocritical of me, don't you think? I'm glad you guys are having fun.

Dolly said...

A good place to start is Neil Strauss's The Game. There's tons of material out there (Double Your Dating, Mystery Method, etc) but this book does a good job covering many of them.

First of all, Glasses Hipster went straight for my breasts, before even kissing me. I mean, I know they're nice, but that's something that should be introduced a little later on and with more finesse. Also, his kissing "technique" consisted of coming at me with an open mouth. Again, a little buildup to the tongue is necessary. Call me old-fashioned, but I like things to start closed-mouthed. Maybe he was so sloppy because he was drunk, but I still think he needs to fine tune his behavior with a woman.

Anonymous said...

No one's giving Sarah a hard time... I was referring to you in my PPPS.


Irish Wanderer said...

First off I love this blog...real talking girls, ya gotta dig that! And I agree with the ascertion that PUA moves are formen only...we're on the back foot from the get go and we need PUA techniques to give ourselves a chance....a good lookin chick can pull 20 guys in a bar in one night...that's not PUA ability, that's T & A ability:)

Dolly said...


You crack me up! Yes, I know a lot of a girl's appeal lies in the way she looks. It's not everything, though, and a beautiful girl who is too insecure, cold, or otherwise unapproachable will not meet a lot of guys (trust me, I've seen it happen!). I think where pick-up techniques overlap for men and women is having an open, friendly, upbeat attitude. It's so simple, but so many people go out and have these walls up and make it tough (if not impossible!) to meet people. I also don't think it's the end of the world to steal a conversation starter or two from the seduction community. But don't worry, I'm not adopting your strategies!

Anonymous said...

It's official: You're fucking popular and your web site rocks.

How do I know?

You now have an anonymous critic challenging your sordid behavior!

Trollop. ;)

Pretty Kitty

Dolly said...


I know, it's wild, right? I'm actually surprised I haven't gotten criticism sooner. I thought the girls would scoff at me because I was hooking up so much and the PUAs would be annoyed that I was sharing their techniques (not that I would stop doing either!). Next time I see you, I will totally be your wing girl. XX

Eurosabr03 said...

We're fine with your borrowing techniques. Just please don't deliberately teach women to be obstacles (as a Texas blogger called "Beyond Blonde" did with respect to the PUA guru Ross Jeffries--and his techniques--in the late 90s.)

Dolly said...

My goal is for both sexes to be as informed and aware of each others' behaviors as possible. If we understand each others' thought processes and inner workings, we'll all get along so much better. And while I don't agree with all of the techniques and goals of the seduction community, I'm not out to sabotage PUAs (are you kidding? I've had so much fun with them!). It's not the information, it's what you do with the information. Also, unless there are extenuating circumstances (the guy is married or something) I am very against cockblocking as a general rule.