Monday, February 13, 2006

snowed in

When I got home on Saturday night, I was surprised to see an email from TV Tyler. I'm so used to guys waiting a couple of days that it's always refreshing to hear from a date the very next day.

Tyler reiterated that he had a great time the previous night, and asked what my schedule was for the following week. I was so thrown by how direct he was; I decided to follow suit. I offered a couple of days that were clear and also told him that if he got bored being snowed in the following day, he was welcome to come over to my place to watch movies.

In leaving things so open-ended, I realized I created a potentially dangerous situation for myself. I made no other plans for Sunday and wasn't going to leave the house and trek through a foot-and-a-half of snow (especially since I was mildly hungover). Basically, I was setting myself up for a scenario where I was waiting to see if he'd call.

Luckily, he did. He called in the afternoon and after chatting for a few minutes, I reiterated my invitation to come over for movies. He accepted. Do I have to go on about how excited I was? Right.

It was such a gorgeous day, but I didn't feel like playing in the snow, I wanted to stay warm and cozy inside. The fact that I wouldn't have to do so by myself was great.

When Tyler came through the front door, he paused to take off his boots and then swept me up in a big kiss. It was so good to see him and I felt a rush of contentment.

"I'm glad you're here," I said.

"I'm glad to be here," he answered.

I poured us some wine and suggested a movie to watch. I asked if I should choose a boring one first and whether we were going to actually pay attention to the movie.

"Probably not. I plan on interrupting a lot," he said, kissing me again.

It only took us seven-and-a-half hours to watch two ninety-minute movies. You can fill in the gaps. Whenever we were actually watching one of the films, Tyler had his arm around me or we held hands. We couldn't look at each other even casually or we'd start making out again. It was incredible.

I told him I had two very good reasons why we couldn't have sex that night. The first was the basic principle that when a man and woman rush into sex, the man has a tendency to lose interest whereas the woman tends to get attached. The second reason was my period. Tyler said he didn't see where either point would be an issue, but would respect my decision not to sleep with him.

Of course, once we were in my room and sexy music was playing and we were both naked from the waist up, I think we both knew it wouldn't be long before I went back on my decision.

Can I just say how terrific it was, after being with a few men who were average or a little below average, to reach down and get a much bigger surprise than I expected? Wow. Talk about not judging a book by its cover. You look at this guy and he looks like this conservative choir boy but you strip him down and he's this well-hung hottie with unbelievable stamina.

It didn't take me long to give in, did it? The fact is, I really wanted to, we both really wanted to. The last time I was in bed with a hot guy in my underwear and didn't have sex, it was one of the most maddening experiences of my life and I didn't want a repeat of that (and you know what? I never saw that guy again anyway, so we might as well have had sex). The chemistry I've been experiencing with Tyler has been beyond intense. If I didn't follow it to its logical conclusion, I think I would have done myself internal damage.

I know I'm going to sound like a total chick here, but you know what was even better? The cuddling afterwards. I know, I want to roll my eyes, too, but we slept in each other's arms all night and it was amazing. He even passed the major cuddle test: when I rolled away from him, that would normally be the point where I separate from the guy for the night, unless I roll back to where he is. Not so, in Tyler's case. He would always roll over in the same direction and spoon me. It was the best. (And we woke up in the middle of the night and had sex again, which was pretty cool, too.)

So now it begins. The post-coital freakout. The waiting to see if I'll hear from him. Because I don't expect to. Honestly, I've had so many guys fall off the radar, at this point I'm surprised when I do hear from the guy. Which is why I'm playing it safe and keeping the rotation going, as much as I really don't want to.

He's not going to write tonight; it's Monday and he's probably as exhausted as I am. Tomorrow he gets a grace period for Valentine's Day (no girl in her right mind would expect anything for V-Day after three dates). Realistically, I won't get word before Wednesday, but realistically on Planet Dolly, I won't get word at all. Might as well prepare for the worst, right?

When Tyler was walking me home on Friday and I was explaining how he couldn't spend the night, I said,

"Hey, at least this means I'll get to see you at least one more time."

He laughed a shocked laugh and asked, "Do you really think I'm that much of a bastard?"

"No, I'm just going by precedence."

I don't mean to sound cynical or pessimistic, I'm just bracing myself. Who knows, maybe Tyler will turn into an FB, or something more. In the meantime, until I know where I stand, and also to make sure I don't start acting clingy and weird, I'm going to keep seeing other people. It's too soon for me to start investing too much into this.


Larissa said...

cuddling's cute, don't be ashamed to admit it. fingers crossed for you.

Vespertine said...

Yay! At least someone got to live the fantasy of this storm out the right way. :)

Damn It Anyway said...

Wow, youre really kicking ass aren't you?

NotMiranda said...

Regardless of what happens it sounds like a hot night. They can't all be bastards, right? This one will come through!

maximus said...

Verygood indeed! Not acting clingy was appreciated by him. Dont' worry you did a great job he wont disappear!

Dolly said...

If cuddling is wrong, I don't want to be right. I've had one night stands in which the cuddling was better than the sex.

It's all so unpredictable. Sunday could have just as easily turned into a solo day.

I'm well aware of how easily this lucky streak can end. Arty Adam might not call when he gets back from his trip and Tyler might decide he doesn't want to see me anymore. It's a crap shoot.

I have to believe they can't all be bastards, or I would have become a lesbian years ago. Who knows, maybe this will go somewhere. Thanks for your optimism.

I have been turned off by clingy men, so I know better than to be a clingy woman. Relationships based on neediness are an accident waiting to happen. I'm still not holding my breath that he won't disappear, but it won't be the end of the world whatever happens.

Dr. Inkfish said...

There is soo much space between humans here... almost like a in a vacuum... yet this zero pressure space is governed by physics of brownian movement - if energy inserted into the collision is bigger than anticipated by partner both bounce back...
And reason ?! lack of emotional capacity ?! fear of beeing sincere ?!

Sarah said...

Awwww, yay! I have a good feeling about this one. :)

Judy said...

Wow, girl! You are doing well with the fella's these days. I'm hoping things work out for you and something turns into the kind of relationship that you want.

Dolly said...

Dr. Inkfish,
What a thoughtful comment. I don't know what phsycological or even cosmological forces make it so challenging for two human beings to make a significant emotional connection. I think it comes down to a sense of self-preservation. Get beaten and bruised enough and you're bound to create some armor. Believe me, I don't want to walk around with all these walls up, but I'd never survive in this city (or anywhere) without them.

Sarah and Judy,
Thanks for the encouragement. I hope your good feelings turn out to be warranted!

Anonymous said...

Dear Dolly,

Cardinal rule of dealing with a new man: never tell him how all the guys before him have been pigs to you, and they slept with you and disappeared. Never, ever.

Why? You ask.

1. A man wants to know that he's getting involved with a prize, a jewel (which you are). Not some looser many others have passed on.

2. When you tell him that others have slept with you then disappeared, the guy thinks, "there's something wrong with this girl. either she puts out too early, or she always goes after the wrong guys."

Act and speak like you're a prize. And men will treat you like one.