Friday, February 17, 2006

Resisting Burnout

Something I always try to keep in mind when I'm going through one of my manic dating periods is how easy it is to burn out. Meeting so many people can be extremely draining. Sooner or later some down time is needed to recharge.

Rather than go on a dating hiatus, I'd rather bring social activity down a notch. I'm more interested in being with friends at the moment.

I'm also preparing myself for my rotation to dry up. I'm not holding my breath for either TV Tyler or Arty Adam to get in touch, especially the former. Pretty Polly is fond of saying that after three dates, it either goes somewhere or it doesn't (and it usually doesn't). Wouldn't you know it, there is no fourth date on the horizon with Tyler. I have to admit, that saddens me on a couple of levels. I did think we had a good rapport and there was potential for something more, which surprised me. But we also had such a strong physical connection that I'm a little baffled why he wouldn't want to continue at least that part of our interaction. I certainly didn't act needy in any way, and I know I didn't do anything to scare him off, so maybe he's just not feeling it. Hey, it happens. Arty Adam is still up in the air. He gets back from his trip today, so I don't expect to hear from him before early next week.

In the meantime, rather than try to fill in the gaps or add to my rotation, I'm going to focus on being with friends and low key solo activity (after all the bar hopping, an afternoon spent reading a book sounds really appealing).

Of course, it's easier said than done.

On Wednesday, I went to an industry event, to catch up with some acquaintances and do a bit of networking. At the bar, I told one of my friends that I was all about chatting with the girls and how the last thing on my mind was meeting anyone (especially at an industry gig, which always lacks Potentials). I had a great time talking to the ladies and spent a portion of the evening at a corner table, away from the main socializing that was going on.

One of the new women I met decided to mingle and I joined her.

We ended up in a cluster of two women and one man. The guy was attractive (he had a brooding Italian/Mediterranean thing going on), but was obviously a player. More cocky than funny. But we somehow got on the topic of confidence and how important it is to convey it (my favorite soapbox of late, so I'll spare the details). I don't even remember what it was, but I said something that really connected with him. I saw a flash in his eyes, he smiled, and held out his hand,

"I'm Player Peter."

"I'm Dolly." I smirked and shook his hand.

It wasn't long before our flirting alienated the three girls in our group.

I could tell Player Paul was not a PUA, though he probably wished he was. There were things he did that were too amateur, like not creating a playful, lighthearted vibe. He was hot, but a little too braggy and overtly seductive. Also, he went out for a cigarette and when he returned, he didn't use a breath mint or gum, so he smelled strongly of smoke (I'm actually cool with moderate smokers, but ones that indulge a lot need to have the breath fresheners handy). Even so, I was amused by his bravado and attracted to him, despite not trusting him the slightest bit.

We exchanged business cards; I wrote my personal email on mine, telling him (say it with me now) that I hate the phone.

He said something along the lines of, "Oh, does that mean I'm going to have to make the first move and get in touch with you?"

"Of course."

I left him for a few minutes to talk to a few more people on their way out and gather my things.

When I found Player Peter again, he was talking to some Asian girl at the bar.

"I don't mean to interrupt your game, I just wanted to say good-bye."

He said I should come back to his place.

"I can't, I want to make it an early night tonight."

"Come on, we can smoke a bowl."

Can we really? After that, can we also play some beer pong? Pretty please? Better yet, can we listen to Phish and play hackeysack?

(This isn't to say I am against getting stoned; I am merely against getting propositioned by someone I met an hour ago to get stoned before we even have a single date.)

"Sorry, I can't."

He accepted defeat and I hugged him goodbye. I kissed him on the cheek and then (I'm sure you could see this coming a mile away) we kissed on the lips. A very nice kiss actually.

I left Player Peter to do his best (or worst) on the Asian Girl.

This was what was supposed to be a quiet, girl-and-networking-infused Wednesday evening. I don't know what's wrong with me. I wasn't trying; if anything I was actively not trying. But fate keeps putting all these kissable boys in my path.

I know I should probably take a break from all of this soon, just to stay balanced. I should, but will I?


Anonymous said...

Oh Dolly- you are so funny! I love watching your antics!

Just a question: when you finally meet that man of your dreams and are no longer single, will you then tell us all about coupledom?? I hope so!

P said...

Why don't you just call him? Tyler that is.

Anonymous said...

Polly,you said things to TV Tyler, implying that once a guy sleeps with you, he always disappears.

To a guy like myself, it sounds a bit sad and desperate. It makes me think the girl is carrying around a lot of hurt and disappointment with her.

And you wonder why he doesn't just want to have a physical relationship and nothing else? Believe it or not, a lot of guys are not okay with a fuck-buddy situation.

Some of us (myself included) want a friend and lover all in one person, and we steer away from the hurt and disappointment that often come with a purely-physically relationship.

Dolly said...

I would love to take this blog into coupledom. I'm sure my random hookups are going to get boring to read about, not to mention to live out! Of course, a relationship doesn't happen instantly, so I am enjoying my current situation.

I might send Tyler a text. If I don't hear back, well, there's my answer.

Dolly said...

Anonymous 2,
You are totally right. I forgot about saying that--or, rather, I think I blocked it out. Even though the comment was made in a very joking manner, the subtext of being previously disappointed is there. It's the only thing I wish I could take back. Oh well...

Larissa said...

wow, i'm amazed at the number of guys you kiss while you're out! i think in two weeks, you've surpassed the guys i've smooched in two years. but again, remember who's talking, hehe ;-)

Dolly said...

I don't usually kiss so many people in such a short time span. It's been a strange couple of weeks.

If it's any consolation, until I knew for sure, I thought the A in 'AV' stood for "awesome".

Larissa said...

hahahaha 'Awesome Virgin!' yeah i bet people could think it stands for something else to, like a--hole V. eek. maybe I should be a little more clear when I say AV (Accidental Virgin). goodness! hehe

SPG said...

That's so funny - you think your random hookups will get boring to read about & I think blogging about 3 GFs is getting boring to write about.

Grass is always greener on the other side, eh?

Good luck - your blog is interesting.

Rebel Leader said...

Hey Dolly, Sorry things look bleak for the one guy whose name i can't remember. it might turn around though. Unfortunately, at least from our (the boy's) side, the only way to get over oneitis (of which depression over a loss of a potential FB is definitely a strain) is to get out and sarge sarge sarge.

Like my teacher Mystery says "I love the game and I hate the game."

Also I take exception with anonymous_2's comments. You're feeling like "once a guy sleeps with you he disappears," after being disappointed that someone you like has failed to help push things forward. That doesn't sound "sad or desperate" to me. It sounds human and real and sweet and sexy. Don't regret revealing your heart!

You're awesome. Visits to your blog are now a daily routine. I'm definitely looking you up when I'm in the The City!

Love, Rebel Leader

Dolly said...

I really appreciate the reassurance. It's hard to know how much to share with guys when you first start dating. I don't want to feel like I am rationing out my feelings, I want it to progress naturally. At the same time, I can be pretty intense, so I know I need to rein that in a bit, too. Luckily, things are back on track with both guys I like, and I've been able to be the real me the entire time.

Yes, get in touch when you visit NYC. You know how I enjoy seeing you guys in action!

Rebel Leader said...

Yeah, looks like your back in with both guys having fun - good for you. I might be in town as early as next month.

dman said...

hey there, don't get disappointed about kissing anybody while you where trying to take a break! is one of the "disadvantages" of getting good at this. PUA get the same, they reach this certain point in their abilities that when when they are just out chilling or doing something normal like pick up the milk they are still getting numbers and hooking up with girls. It just happens, because you never know when you might come across a hot bod.

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