You know it's a bad sign when you dread an upcoming date. It took over a week to schedule the one with Viggo. It got to a point where I was hesitant about meeting up at all, but since the last time I saw him was in between doing shots and dancing on the bar, I figured he was worth a date. Especially since I remembered him being a sweet and attractive guy.
Even so, I had misgivings. First of all, he's a lawyer. As much as I love my lawyer and law school friends, I would have trouble with all the long hours. It was a miracle that we were able to coordinate our schedules at all and Viggo could not meet earlier that 8:30pm on a Monday, coming straight from the office. Call me high maintenance, but I want to be with a man who is going to have time for me, and not just on the weekends. Moving on.
There was an event at a downtown lounge that I wanted to attend last night, so I asked Viggo to meet me there. I figured if it was a nice atmosphere we could stay there; otherwise, there were lots of other options in the area.
When he arrived, he was as just about as cute as I remembered, but... shorter. Not midget-short, but a few inches shorter than me and I was barely wearing heels. I'm not going to make a big point about this, because I have been head over (high) heels for guys smaller than me, so I can get past this. However, I generally like guys to have some height on me (it makes me feel dominated, rowr).
Viggo bought me a drink and we took a couch in the back. He loosened his tie, leaned an arm on the back cushion, and looked interested in everything I was saying. I held onto my drink for dear life and hoped my smiles looked genuine.
I really, really tried. This guy has Good Boyfriend written all over him (as opposed to the last guy I was serious about, who should have had Manipulative Bastard tattooed on his forehead). Viggo's attentive, with a secure career, an interest in self-improvement (via martial arts), and an aura of general goodness about him.
And yet, I couldn't wait to get out of there. We weren't connecting. We had a ten minute conversation about swords. I have less than no interest in swords, yet I was asking him about his swords in order to keep the conversation going.
After about an hour and one drink, I couldn't take it any more. I pled tired.
Viggo walked me to the subway. He mentioned getting together over the weekend and I made positive murmuring noises and said he should call me (when, in fact, one of my pet peeves about him was how he insisted on calling all the time, instead of texting or emailing). We had a neutral hug good-bye and he kissed me on the cheek. I felt so guilty that I gave him a quick peck on the lips. I accidentally gave him a static shock on the nose, which is probably the last spark we'll ever share.
I promised to email him the next day. Today. I didn't email him. I feel like an asshole.
Should I send the I-can't-see-you-anymore email or hope he read my signals? He seemed disappointed that the date ended so early. He might call me again. Should I wait to see if he calls and then email? I don't want to mess up my dating karma here, and I also don't want to hurt this nice guy's feelings.
I know you've all been there. What would you do?
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5 comments:
I need to make a blogger username.
But, really, how do you even get into these situations? I've never had a first date that I didn't like last that long. A first date should be something quick enough to plausibly end within 15 minutes. Enough to decide whether you want to see the person anymore or not (more then, or more later, or not at all). 90 minutes of awkwardness? Not for me I guess.
Dare, you're probably right. I hate the uncertainty myself and even though it can be a little painful to get that "I'm not into you" email, it's better than wondering.
Anonymous, it wasn't 90 minutes, it was barely an hour. Bear in mind this is someone I met in person before and also talked to on the phone. Plus, he was a nice guy and I wanted to give him a fair chance. Calling it a night after 15 minutes would have been rude.
I'd do nothing for now, let it go to voicemail if he calls, THEN e-mail with the gentle "You're nice, no spark, take care" e-mail.
If you are fairly certain he was into you and plans to call you for another date --
I would head any future awkwardness off at the pass. Send a preemptive email saying you were glad you finally had a chance to hook up but that you just aren't a good match. No harm, no foul.
Don't hope that he'll "figure it out" -- guys rarely do. And if you talk to any of your male friends about "getting signals" I expect they'll tell you that they really need it spelled out. For some reason, guys are just like that. (And that's okay, as long as you know...)
Yeah, it's sort of a painful email to send, but being upfront about it all just keeps it neat and tidy. There's nothing to be ashamed of that it didn't work out; but now be a grown up and let him know so you can both move on.
As a guy, I agree. I would much rather have a girl tell me that its not going to work than have to wonder.
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