Saturday, February 18, 2006

just when i was ready to give up

I hit my low point on my way home last night, after a little too much wine. I had an excellent time with friends and made a couple of lovely new ones. However, something happened on the ride home, and I suddenly felt so down.

I really thought all my boys were disappearing and I didn't have the energy to go out and meet anyone new. I liked Arty Adam and TV Tyler and was sad at the thought of not seeing either of them again. I was convinced neither would get in touch.

As much as I love to be right, in this case, I'm so glad I was wrong. Arty Adam IMed me a while ago and invited me over for video games. While we were chatting, my phone rings. It's TV Tyler! He apologized for being out of touch but had a crazy week at work. We might get together tomorrow (he said "I'd like that"). Yay! Phew!

Why am I such a freak about these things? I know I should learn to take it easy and be a little more patient. I guess I'm so used to things not working out, I'm a little baffled when they do.

Anyway, I have to get ready for my date with Arty Adam!


The Asian Playboy said...

That's why it's always important to have a rotation of peeps in and out so you don't become too attached and dependent upon the outcome until you know things are hooked.

-- said...

That's the way it is.... I fear both my boys are gone, as both dates have been cancelled this week. But who knows? I'm at the point where I have no idea anymore, so I can't even think about it.

Anonymous said...

*hug* :)


Dolly said...

Asian Playboy,
I understand the importance of having a rotation, but it gets so damn tiring. I think, in general, it's easier for men to see multiple people than women. For me, emotional attachment is hard to resist after a while.

Oh no! Damn the British Scientist and Clark Kent. What is their problem?? Don't worry, sweetie, we'll find you a real Superman.

Larissa said...

glad to hear they're both still in the picture. they'd be crazy to pass up on a cool gal such as yourself (Friday was so much fun by the way!). here's hoping the date went well.

Dolly said...

Another friend of mine said she had a feeling TV Tyler would call. Between you and her, I can't help thinking that your positive vibes have something to do with that.

Friday was so much fun! I hope we can do it again soon. I'll definitely let you know when I visit DC!

srussian said...

The more at peace we can become with Now, the less intimidating it will become.

The more patience we have, the faster our worries will dissapate.

Here's an interesting book I hope you'll look into:

Here's another:

srussian said...

Some more mind food:

When everyone recognizes beauty as beautiful,
there is already ugliness;
When everyone recognizes goodness as good,
there is already evil.
'To be' and 'not to be' arise mutually;
Difficult and easy are mutually realized;
High and low are mutually posited; ...
Before and after are in mutual sequence.


The perfect Way is without difficulty,
Save that it avoids picking and choosing.
Only when you stop liking and disliking
Will all be clearly understood.
A split hair's difference,
And heaven and earth are set apart!
If you want to get the plain truth,
Be not concerned with right and wrong.
The conflict between right and wrong
Is the sickness of the mind.

Dolly said...

Thanks for the spiritual nudge. That second book you recommended looks particulrly intriguing, I'll have to check it out!

Anonymous said...

Just because they aren't always available to spend time with you doesn't mean they're gone girls! Cut the guys some slack- it's not always about you. (that wasn't intended to be bitchy- it's just that people forget sometimes;)

Anonymous said...

Well, anonymous, it sounds bitchy anyway. Of course we all have lives. Dolly in particular has a pretty damn busy life, her career included. It's just when you're particularly excited about someone, you like to think they're excited as well. I think Dolly keeps a pretty good balance of communicating herself while keeping the ball in the other guy's court as well. Don't be so quick to judge.

Pretty Kitty

Dolly said...

Kitty, thanks for having my back. I think you both have a point. Guys aren't the best communicators but I shouldn't assume that if they go quiet for a few days, they're gone forever. I'm just a little paranoid about it because I've seen it happen so many times, to me and to friends. Sometimes it's safer to assume the worst than get your hopes up. At the same time, as you said, Kitty, I try to be pretty good about communication myself, so I don't think it's being terribly high maintenance to want to know whether a guy is still interested or if/when I'll see him again.

-- said...

Guys who are into you call. Guys who aren't THAT into you either don't call, or call infrequently. That's a fact. It may be cynical, but it's also realistic.

Anonymous said...

WOAH Kitty! Dolly, call the dogs (or cats, in this case) off please! I wasn't being judgemental toward Dolly at all- in fact, the comment I made has nothing to do with her- but rather the guys. Even though they often are referred to as "boys" here, they are in fact, grown men, who may actually have quite stressful and demanding jobs. My point was that just because a guy postpones a date, it doesn't mean that he doesn't like you. It may mean that he has alot of commitments going on in his life, and sometimes they get in the way. (I was mainly referring to Kristen's post, as she mentioned that her dates had been cancelled, but it applies to anyone really.)I'm not picking on Dolly, Kitty- honest! I think she has a good head on her shoulders, (even though she is a bit randy;)

Dolly said...

Actually, in this case you're right. I didn't hear from both of the guys because they were busy with work-related projects. Also, it's not like they disappeared for months or even weeks, so my pessimism was unwarranted. Neither of them postponed a date, either. It was more a matter that I wasn't sure if I'd hear from Arty Adam when he got back from his trip, and while TV Tyler was emailing me, he made no mention of wanting to see me again. Even the most secure girls need a bit of reassurance now and again.

Anonymous said...


Dude, you are so funny. Thank god that girls who have nothing better to do but pine over boys and file their nails now have the sage advice from you: that they should be understanding that the big boys have "quite stressful and demanding jobs...alot [sic] of commitments going on in his life." Because I know that all I ever do is sit at home eating bonbons, crying over the boy I went out with and counting my vibrators.

My point is that women have lives too. And it's not too much to wonder aloud if the guy you're into is into you too, because you took the time to pick up the phone or e-mail and he didn't.

Maybe if there weren't so many men out there who made a career out of fucking women (mentally or physically) and not calling them, we wouldn't draw such negative conclusions when a guy doesn't call. And they call it a Game. A fucking game. That's because one person wins and one loses, not because it's fun for everyone.

How does anyone expect to fall in love this way? Or maybe it's just not about love anymore.

/ end rant.

Pretty Kitty

p.s. Dolly, sorry to vent on your blog.

Anonymous said...

My God, somebody shut her up! (Sorry Dolly, I never intended to provoke such a response!) I never intended to say that women have no lives, and sit home pining away for guys (I am a woman, by the way, so I certainly don't think that.) But lets be honest here: how many women in fact DO obsess about dating? I mean, isn't this blog an example?? How many guys out there set up blogs specifically chronicling their dating exploits? Not too many, I would imagine. I was just making a simple point, Kitty, that you shouldn't always assume that when a man (or woman, for that matter) doesn't contact you, it is all about you, or that there is anything wrong with you- it could just be that they have other things going on in their lives at the moment. I'm not sure what type of dating experiences you've had, but you do sound like you've had some rough ones and that you may be a bit bitter. Don't let one (or two, or three) bad experiences ruin your opinion of other men. And don't get so worked up- it's only a blog anyway hon:)

Dolly said...

Kitty and Anonymous,

Okay, I'm going to step in here and douse some water on this flame war. I can see where both of you are coming from. In Arty Adam's case, the guy was out of town, so not hearing from him the second he got back was perfectly reasonable; that was my paranoia talking. In TV Tyler's case, I didn't hear from him for three days, but he did have an insane week at work. I understand, but I would have loved to get even a one sentence email or text saying, "busy week, will get in touch soon". It takes less than a minute and gives a woman reassurance. I am not saying I need to hear from a man I'm seeing every single day, but there are simple ways to convey interest no matter how busy you are, male or female.

Now can we please all get along or do I have to seat you two on opposite sides of the room?

Anonymous said...

You see, here's where I don't get the internet. Where Dolly has now turned from friend into entertainment, and where the world pretends to know her. I guess that's my shortcoming. I'm really happy for the success of her blog but it's kind of weird for me.

I also don't think it's fair that someone says one thing and then comes back and says they meant another thing, like I should have known in the first place. If you had said that "people can be busy" that different than "men have lives." I agree with how you put it in your last post. Many of my comments stemmed from exasperation for what passes at dating these days, this strange hostile environment (which I have not been a part of, but which I have seen chronicled in Dolly's blog as well as in the blogs of some of the men has links to).

I also don't get the "internet is not reality" thing either. Like you telling me to shut up is okay. Like making suppositions about me is okay. I wouldn't venture to do the same about you. It's rude.


Anonymous said...

Sorry, "k" equals kitty.

D, I'm just trying to raise your status from "cool site that has anonymous posters" to "rocking dramatic site that has flame wars."

Actually, I really enjoy reading about your life but I think I'm going to stick to e-mailing you directly in the future. This is just weird. :)

Pretty Kitty

Dolly said...

Sorry for any unpleasantness. I understand if you want to email me offsite, some people prefer to do that. At the same time, I love it when people vocalize strong opinions. I appreciate all your comments to the blog and you defending me with those sharp claws of yours.


Rebel Leader said...

Hi Kitty et al,

Not to fuel a flame war, but I felt like piping in....

I agree that, after feeling like there was mutual chemistry and great times on a date, and putting in some effort to make contact afterwards, it is totally reasonable to feel anxious after your call was not returned. That's not being a girl, that's being human. I'm totally with you in challenging Anonymous' bullshit: Sex is only slightly less important to us than eating and sleeping. No one is too busy to develop their sex life (or VERY few).

Which brings me to my point. We don't call it "a game." We call it *The* Game. We don't play it because we're looking for winners or losers, or because we think its fun. We play it because that's what it takes to get laid consistently. We call it the game because like all games, there are rules. None of us made the rules. Biology makes the rules. We just have to play by them.

For all the anxiety we cause when we have a good date and/or good sex with a girl and don't make oureselves available, if we DID start calling, returning messages right away, etc, you'd stop liking us -- or at least being attracted. You girls think you want us to to call all the time, send flowers the next day after some great sex, etc. The problem is once we do these things, we become too available and too easy, and no longer a challenge or a prize.

I wish it were easy. There is nothing I would like more than showering a girl I'm into with love and affection. Since I was a little kid getting interested in love, every movie, and song I listened to taught me that to get hot girls you had to become mildly to full-out obsessed with them. Unfortunately, reality is different. Especially in the early stages of dating, I've learned there are two types of girls that I can get totally into me.

1) girls I'm not that into
2) girls that I like, but treat like I'm not that into.

The second set took discipline to learn about. As soon as you make yourself too available and too easy, the girl looses attraction and you get blown out or LGBF'd. Girls NEED to feel challenged to feel attracted. So, for better or worse, whether you like it or not, The Game is on.

Also, whoever suggested guys don't spend time on the internet writing about their dating/sex lives is very mistaken!

Love, Rebel Leader

Anonymous said...

OK, truce Kitty. Don't be put off- debate is always good, I still respect your ideas- and I learn from them myself! I was trying to give men the benefit of the doubt in my posts, but unfortunately "rebel leader" is giving them a bad name again *sigh*. I like to think that men are into more than sex and bagging the hot chick with the big tits, but maybe I was wrong. Oh well- good luck to you, sorry to upset you. Keep on blogging Dolly- you are so much fun!

Rebel Leader said...

When I was a teenager, I remember me and a bunch of my friends, guys and girls, watched the movie "Say Anything." Have any of you seen it? It came out in the 80s and stars John Cusack and Ione Skye. Its a romantic movie. In the movie's key scene, after being dumped Ione Skye, Cusack drives to her house in the middle of the night, sets up outside her window, and wakes her up by holding a boom box over his head blasting a song they once listening to together while having sex.

Of course in the real world, this kind of behavior doesn't get you girls. It gets you arrested. But I remember watching that and all the girls I was with going "oooooohhhh.... that's so sweet...." and being totally charmed by a guy's behavior in a movie that in the real world would have them, at best, creeped out and annoyed -- and more likely calling the cops. That was a pivotal moment for me.

Anyway, I'm digressing. I'm sorry you misinterpreted my last post into "men are [only] into sex and bagging the hot chick with the big tits." That came from you, not me.

But, yeah. Don't give us the "benefit of the doubt." If you want to believe that women are big worry-warts and drama queens and men are cool and collected and have their brains focused on loftier concerns, and that's where the communication problems beween the sexes begin, I do need to burst your bubble.

Men invest lots of time and energy thinking about sex and relationships and how to improve those things in our lives, just like women do. We aren't too busy for that. Sex is as important to men as it is to women. It's of slightly less concern than eating, sleeping and keeping warm. It's how our species keeps going.

Guys didn't make up the rules of the game. Some of us are just trying to follow them -- to the chagrin of popular culture and even many girls who think they want John Cusack in "Say Anything," but in real life will shun the poor SOB like he's a leper.

Love, Rebel Leader

PS: For someone who seems to be into provoking flame wars, you sure have a boring name "anonymous."

pawlr said...

I gotta say, although based on limited experience, I'm with Rebel on this. Although his "Can anyone shut her up" might be taken as a bit of a pimpslap, he never said (at least here) that he was only into sex and "bagging the hot chick with the big tits."

In fact, he said quite the opposite, as far as I can tell, and I quote: "There is nothing I would like more than showering a girl I'm into with love and affection." But maybe I'm missing something, I freely admit.