Friday, February 10, 2006

Arty Adam

Wednesday night I had my first date with Arty Adam. I was looking forward to this one.

Adam contacted my via MySpace a few months ago. I normally don't use MySpace as a dating tool, because I have gotten way too many emails from guys looking to add to their butterfly collections (if I click on a guy's profile and see most of his friends' pics are girls in their underwear, that's an immediate no). However, Adam and I bonded over a particular photographer we both love and discovered several other things in common. We exchanged a few more emails and then I dropped off the radar. A couple of weeks ago, I saw him on an online personals site. He had some new photos up and looked mighty cute. There was also a hint in his profile that he was into BDSM, which is excellent, because I haven't had a good spanking since last summer.

I wrote to him via MySpace, but mentioned I saw him on the OP site. He was happy to hear from me and, after a few emails and IM chats, we made a date to meet.

He lives two subway stops away from me, so I chose a bar a block away from my place (I love having local dates!). I had a meeting run late that day and, despite my proximity, ended up being 15 minutes late, but Adam didn't mind and accepted my profuse apology.

He was attractive in person: tall, dyed-black hair, pierced ears, laid back disposition. I decided within the first half hour that I wanted to kiss him.

One of the things I like most about Adam is that he isn't Normal. You know how there are some people that "get it" and some that don't? People that are distrustful of the mainstream and aren't afraid to go against the grain? Adam is one of those people. We have similar ways of looking at the world and I got this feeling that he would be able to understand things about me that many other men haven't been able to understand. There were even a couple of things he said that kind of struck me at my core (this was a good thing).

That, taken with how friendly, cute, and interesting to talk to he is, makes for a good amount of Boyfriend Potential.

One thing that gave me pause was how passive he seemed. For the first couple of hours at the bar, apart from our hug hello, we had no physical contact. After a couple of drinks, we sat close enough that our arms and knees were touching, but he didn't initiate anything like holding my hand or putting an arm around me. I was starting to wonder if he was interested in me. Then, we were talking about observing people and situations and he said he could infer certain things between the two of us.

"Really? Like what?" I asked.

"Well, I think as we've been talking there's clearly a mutual attraction between us and our body language has changed to reflect that. You could say it's intentional or unintentional."

"What do you think it is?"

"I think it's intentional."

In that moment, I was ready to pounce on Arty Adam. What a great, ballsy thing to say. And I was starting to think he was too passive.

Actually, he is rather passive. I'm also not sure how much he's into S&M based on something he said during our conversation, though there's always bondage. Now I just need to find out if he's a dom or a sub (or, in a best-case scenario, a switch-hitter). I suppose that's not a conversation we have to have on a first date (though I've certainly had it before). Hopefully, he's not completely submissive.

Anyway, we were at the bar for--I'm not kidding here-- seven hours before we kissed. I was tempted to take his hand or do something to initiate, but held steady. He said he's very patient. I was determined to be the same, at least that night. We probably consumed a bottle's worth of wine each and I was pleasantly drowsy and lightly buzzed, though far from drunk. There was a long pause in the conversation, then we both shifted our bodies and it's as if the air around us changed, too. Just when I started to think it wouldn't happen, we looked at each other and that was the moment.

We kissed until they kicked us out of the bar, 4:30am. Slow, sensual, sleepy kisses. He smelled so good, too (I love it when men wear good cologne. I have a list of three now that are my favorite, his being a new addition). He walked me home and we agreed to meet up when he returned from a week-long trip, to play video games (I have a geeky streak, so sue me).

He sent me an email the next day, not twelve hours after our date ended, saying what a great time he had and reiterating wanting to see me. Yay!

I like this one. So much potential. Which means I am not allowed to sleep with him for at least a month--or a few dates. Considering that I'll be going to place for our second date, that may be tough, but I'll do my best.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get ready for my second date with TV Tyler...


Anonymous said...

Very happy for you Doll. :)

And I just want to tell you how much fun I am having living vicariously through you. I check this blog, like, twice a day. You should be a columnist, dah-ling. You rock.

Miss you...

Pretty Kitty

BigSend said...

What would you do if it were the guy who was withholding sex from you? I mean you mentioned at the end of the blog you are going to make this guy wait a month.

Whats the reasoning behind that? If you wait a month will that make it so you guys will begin a happy relationship? Is it that love can't be based on sex soon after the first meeting? Isn't that what Oxytocin is for?

Right now I'm a virgin, so I guess that makes me idealistic. I'm also a pick up artist (learning). I hope my women want sex from me not as a power thing that they can withhold, but as a way to experience love. At least I hope it turns out like that.

Rebel Leader said...

bigsend, chill.

I'm a fellow student of the game. In most cases, you should wait 7 hours or so of solid attraction and courtship before getting in to sex. A few dates and phone calls -- about a month or so -- adds up to 7 hours. Otherwise it generally ends up being a one time thing. Dolly is exercising discipline because she likes the guy and knows that taking things slow generally makes it work out for the better in the long run.

The Spitkicker said...

I love the blog. just found it today. I'm over at . take a look :)

ijjjji said...

Cool you like :)

You are funny :)

Liberate your inner slut, and guys will start swarming you like flies on fresh excrements!

(Analytical attitude is soooo unsexy!! Stop that!!)

I link you too :)

Best of luck!

Dolly said...

I'm glad you're enjoying the blog. You know even if I fall off the radar, I still read yours, right? I miss you, too.

I had a situation where a guy withheld sex. We ended up developing a more serious relationship, were together for eight months, and are still friends. If you look at my track record since beginning this blog, I don't have a lot of second dates. Remember that great one with Computer Dave? ( Slept with him on the first date, never saw him again. Don't want a repeat of that situation.

Rebel leader,
Thanks for backing me up. I'm curious as to what amount of time you think it's sensible to wait before having sex, if there's hopes for a relationship. It always seems much longer than I have the patience for (last answer I got was ten dates, which I think would kill me).

Cool blog, I added you to my links.

Believe me, I know how unsexy it is being neurotic in front of a man, so I save the analizing for the blog and my friends. When I'm out, I'm out to have a great time. As for liberating my inner slut, if you read the rest of the blog, you'll see that I'm doing pretty well for myself. I'm not into having orgies or threesomes or tons of FB's. I just want to have as much fun as humanly possible, kiss hot guys and, if I'm lucky, have the LTR thing eventually happen. Though I'm having such a blast right now, it might be tougher than I expected to settle down...
Thanks for the link!

Rebel Leader said...

Hi Dolly. I'm jealous that you and Affection get to sarge New York. That's where I grew up and my dad still lives in brooklyn, so I go there a few times a year but that's not enough. I love that town. I'm a big fan of Lower East Side.

The "seven hour rule" is textbook Mystery Method. I'm a student of MM -- as is Affection by the way.

The idea is that while males and females both love sex, men have a biological imperative to spread their DNA far and wide with little regret, and woman have a biological imperative to select a man who will stick around through pregnancy and infancy of any child that may result from sexual liaisons.

Many guys can occasionally or regularly spike girls' attraction, or the girl just has her own attraction spiked cuz she's horny, so she overlooks her biological need to trust the guy she's fucking, for the thrill of the fuck itself. But afterwards she will often feel terrible about her decision, which for most of our existence as a species may well have been a life-threatening mistake. So, while we live in this day of birth control and other means of preventing unwanted pregnancy, its still hardwired in your DNA.

She will then feel uncomfortable and guilty about going at it with a guy she doesn't really know or trust. That discomfort and mistrust will be projected on the guy, even though at the time she was hot for him. It's called buyer's remorse. (In fact, your BLOG recounts examples of buyer's remorse and codifies this theory.)

For a PUA, engaging in that behavior is called "fool's mate." It can be fun at the time, but if you want to see her again, bad move.

Personally if I'm interested enough in a girl to want to fuck her once, I'll want to fuck her more than once. I also know that sex gets better the longer you get to have it with someone, so I need more than one shot to really show a woman what I’ve got, and find out what she's got. So even if I've done a good job spiking attraction to the point that she's ready for the F-Close from a sarge, I'll (try to) hold back for a solid 7-hour period. Personally, I have ALWAYS regretted moving too fast.

Fortunately, its seven hours of contact, not x-number of dates (10 dates before the full monty!? puhleeze....) So one hour of meeting and a 6-hour day 2 at a museum or something like that would cover it. Or a 30-mintes sarge to #-close, a 2-3 hour date and a few good phone calls in between, by day 3 you should be in the nasty.

My current main target is a woman whose been in exclusive girl-girl relationship since high school, so I’m even moving slower than that with her. She’s so hot!

Again this is Mystery Method. I strongly encourage guys who want to learn a ton of stuff that will help them enjoy their sex and social life more, to consider investing in a bootcamp, or buy his e-book.

Maybe we can sarge together next time I’m in the Big Apple.

Love, Rebel Leader

Dolly said...


I agree with you on more than one point. Sex is so much better when you really get to know the other person and their body (and maybe even develop feelings for them). This is why I'm trying to cool it with the casual sex; it's not as satisfying with a one night stand or FB. I also have a tendency to get emotionally attached (I know, I'm such a girl).

I can see how the seven hour rule would hold true, though. My date with Computer Dave lasted seven hours to the minute before I brought him home with me. I was very tempted to ask Adam over at the end of our marathon nine-hour date, too (thank god I was too tired). I have a tendency to have dates that run really long, so it can be tough to restrain myself after two or three (if that many) dates. After not hearing from CDave, who I thought was a Potential, I'm starting to finally learn my lesson.

I'd love to go sarging with you next time you're in town! Send me an email whenever you decide to visit NYC.

Rebel Leader said...

Its on then next time im in NYC! My ex back in Oakland California was great as a pivot. She also was totally into the PUA community. Miss her. Anyway, probably in the next few months I'll be in town. How do I find your email in this joint?

Larissa said...

sounds like a good one. i say have sex when you feel it's right. although, as you know, i'm hardly an expert on the subject ;-)

Dolly said...

My email's on my profile.

My problem is that I feel it's right too early on! Good think Adam is away for a week, which will slow the pace down a bit.

BigSend said...

Yeah didn't mean to be rude in the last post. Just me reflecting off of some experimences in the past.

Dolly said...

No harm done. I also don't want it to seem like I withhold sex for power. If I hold back, it's because I want to make sure I can handle the emotional aspects as well as the physical. With a one night stand, there are no emotional issues, so it's easier to have sex under those circumstances.

Anonymous said...

What are your three kinds of favorite colognes? Also, ever have a guy with hydraulic problems?

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